Dare The Dark Knight Characters!
by OutcastToReality
Summary: Yep, you read that right. Right here you can dare ANY of the Dark Knight characters to do ANYTHING. You heard me! ANYTHING. Read more details inside! EPISOE EIGHT HERE!
1. Introduction

**Dare the Dark Knight Characters!**

Hailey (Me!): Yep, you read that right. Right here you can dare ANY of the Dark Knight characters to do ANYTHING. You heard me! ANYTHING.

Joker: MEANing… there ARE no rules. *grin* This is gonna be fun….

Bruce: To move on to the next chapter we have to get at least THREE requests, preferably from three different people.

Rachel: But any viewer is allowed to ask as many questions as they want!

Joker: Ah… the endless possibilities….

Gordon: You can ask any of the characters, including smaller roles.

Alfred: And of course, I will always be here to pass out refreshments!

Hailey: Alfred, you're awesome, you know that?!

Alfred: You may have said that once or twice before….

Dr. Crane (Scarecrow): Back to the topic: we need three requests to start, so you'd better start typing before anyone starts getting impatient…. *glances at Joker meaningfully, who is examining his knife impatiently*

Hailey: Uh… yea, good point. So ask away! If you have any questions about how this is going to work, just send me a private message, and I'll edit with more details.

Joker: And here… we… GO! *cackle*


	2. Episode One

Hailey: You people are amazing! I put this thing up, what, like 3 hours ago? And I already have over three requests! You all rock, seriously.

Harvey: Now, your actual requests are a completely different matter--

Hailey: *glare*

Harvey: *sigh* I'll shut up.

Joker: You do that, pretty boy.

Hailey: Back to the subject: I'll read the first dare! This is by **The Madman From Brooklyn**.

Joker: Oooh, good name!

**I dare Bruce to babysit someone. *wink***

Hailey: Dare I ask what that even means?

Joker: I think you know-- *elbows Hailey meaningfully with wink*

Gordon: Oookay. Well, whatever perverted joke I didn't catch just happened, based on MY definition of "babysitting", Mr. Wayne seems to already be babysitting himself. *chuckle*

Bruce: *asleep in corner, snoring loudly*

Rachel: I think we'll just stick with that. To safe everyone their sanity.

Joker: Except MINE of course. *cackle*

Hailey: Next dare? Mr. Fox?

Fox: My pleasure! This dare is courtesy of**vballmania23**.

**I would dare Fox to try and convince Bruce that instead of a Batsuit, he should have a Catsuit- after all, it's the latest style (even though it's targeted more at women).**

Fox: *chuckle* This is going to cost me my job, but I'll try my best!

Joker: Oh Bruuuuuucie! Wakey wakey! *pokes sleeping Bruce*

Alfred: I'm afraid he didn't get much sleep last night… he was chasing YOU about. *gives annoyed glance at Joker*

Fox: Mr. Wayne, there are some ideas with the suit I'd like to go over with you. I think the bat idea… well, it was good for a while, but now we need to move on to some more, ah, revolutionary. I was thinking going for the "Catsuit" look. Felines are, after all, more fierce than bats, wouldn't you say? And it IS the new style.

Bruce: *mumbling* Mmm… wha-? Cats…? Sure… sure, whatever…. Lemme sleep… tired…. *rolls back over*

Joker: *randomly flings mattress over* Oh no you don't! You're going to PARTICIPATE Batsy! Or should I say… *laugh* Catsy?

Bruce: Wha-? Catsy--…? You know what, I don't want to know. I'm up now anyway.

Hailey: In that case, let's keep going!! Joker, will you please?

Joker: Your wish is my command. *sarcasm* The next agent of chaos will be **teresamarie322**.

**i'd like to dare batman, the joker, rachel, and harvey to play an exciting game of four square :)**

Gordon: Thank GOD I'm not involved in this.

Hailey: No point in stalling, so let the game BEGIN! *poofs Four Square court into room*

*Batman takes first (highest ranking) square, Rachel takes next, Harvey takes second to last square, and Joker takes last*

Joker: Awww, why am I always the one with the disadvantage?! *sarcastic pout*

Bruce: 'Cuz you kill and maim people. FOR FUN.

Joker: Point taken! *laughs* Let's get this SHOW on the road!

*Bruce starts ball by bouncing it to Joker, who smashes it with all his might to Harvey, who, stupidly, …catches the ball*

Joker: Oooooo! CHEATER.

Harvey: What?! Aren't I supposed to catch it?!

Hailey: … You weren't exactly a "sporty person" when you were young, were you? Don't answer that. You're out, Two Face.

Harvey: B-but…. *crosses arms like pouting child and marches off*

Rachel: Just keep going, he'll live.

*Joker kicks ball without warning at Rachel's face, breaking her nose*

Rachel: OW!!! WHAT THE F%$ YOU CLOWN!!!

Joker: Ooooooops. *evil grin*

Hailey: *sigh* Joker, you're disqualified. And Rachel… you can't play. So Batsy wins!

Bruce: Not you too! Please, just don't call me "Batsy". *shudder*

Hailey: *evil grin (frighteningly similar to Joker's)* Not a chance, Batsy. On to the fourth dare! Will you read the dare for us?

Bruce: *sigh* Here goes nothing! This one's from **shelshock****:**

**Joker, I dare you to give Rachel a spanking! ^(^_^)**

Rachel: U-uh… *eye twitches*

Joker: Eh, not really my type, but WHAT can you do? *laugh*

Harvey: You lay one hand on her, Clown Face—

Hailey: Sorry Two Face, you don't have a choice in this. *holds up contract with a grin*

Joker: *sneaks up behind Rachel and smacks her behind*

Rachel: WHA-?! *slaps Joker*

Joker: Sorry beautiful, rules ARE rules! *cackle* Or, the lack of them that is….

Gordon: Now that THAT disturbing event is over, could we move on?

Hailey: Sure Gordie, why don't you read the next one?

Gordon: Anything to forget that disturbing scene…. *clears throat* The following is from **spaz-ee-tron3000**.

**I would like Joker and Alfred to kiss.**

**Bruce to spank Fox.**

**Gordon to krump.**

**Dent could dress as a princess and give Rachel a lap dance.**

Alfred: *drops tray with horrified expression*

Gordon: …What's crump?

Bruce: U-uh….

Hailey: *rolling on floor in laughter*

Joker: C'mere Pops!!! *grabs helplessly stunned Alfred and plants kiss on him* ….Hm… you taste like old people. *random burst of laughter*

Fox: I-… I did NOT sign up for this!

Hailey: Actually you did! I'm not even going to bother taking out the contract, because you know you signed it! Besides I'm using too many *actions* as it is. (sorry 'bout that for all you readers. I just think *actions* makes the whole thing come to life a bit more.)

Bruce: ……And what's with our viewers and spanking?

Harvey: Which brings us to your task WAYNE. *smug smirk*

Bruce: *flips off Harvey* Ah, well…. *closes eyes tightly and spanks Fox*

Fox: …This never happened.

Bruce: Your turn, DENT. *glare*

Harvey: Happily! *magically poofs into princess dress (which he happens to keep in his closet) and gives naughty lap dance to horrified Rachel*

Joker: *laughs* See, I always knew the guy liked dressing up like a princess and all, but this is a WHOLE new level!

Rachel: *clears throat uncomfortably* C-can we get to the next dare already?

Hailey: I don't see why not. Dr. Crane, will you do the honors?

Dr. Crane: Gladly. This particular dare is from** funnylittlegames**.

**awesome **

**I would like to dare the joker to go to the police station dress in a tutu whenever someone says his name he has to do a twirl and say ".I'm a pretty girl"**

Joker: Well well well, it appears I'm quite the favorite 'round here. Now, if you could just tell me your real name, where you live, your worst, deepest, darkest fear---

Hailey: Jack, scaring our viewers is a no-no, got that?

Joker: Sure sure, I was just lookin' for a little fun…. Ah, well as long as I'm doing this, I might as well enjoy it! *dresses in bloodstained tutu* Ta-DAH! *overly exaggerated curtsy*

Gordon: *twitch* Uh… Joker?

Joker: *twirls haphazardly, knocking over Alfred* I'M A PRETTY GIRL!!! *snaps out knife with maniac grin* …RIGHT?

Hailey: What ever you say, Jokesy. ^_^

Joker: * twirls again, knocking over Alfred again* I'M A PRETTY GIRL!!!

Harvey: …Stop that, freak. You're going to scare people.

Bruce: What, you mean he doesn't scare people already?

Joker: He has a point, y'know. *wink*

Hailey: Well… this has certainly been an amusing first episode! Thanks for all that commented, you're all AWESOME.

Joker: *mumbling* …And on my list…

Everyone: …..

Joker: What? Can't you take a JOKE? *laugh*

Hailey: You know we love you Jo-- …I'm not going to finish that sentence. I'm too lazy to repost the rules (or lack of them) again, so if you want to drop us a dare go to the Introduction page! Until next time everybody!

Joker: We'll be waiiii-tiiiiing! *waves knife*


	3. Episode Two

Hailey: Hello and welcome to our second episode of Dare the Dark Knight Characters! *round of applause* You are all the most awesome people in the world, I never thought this would do so well! Thank you all!

Alfred: *passes out cookies to awesome reviewers*

Dr. Crane: Shall we move on to the dares, or are we going to sit around wasting everybody's time?

Hailey: *frown* Pessimist. But, you ARE right, so let's move on to the dares! Alfred?

Alfred: Right away. This little bit of disaster was created by **teresamarie322.**

**ahem. because gordon was so opposed to my lovely game of four square, i dare him to strip down to his tightie whities and stand on top of MCU singing the "I'm a Little Tea Pot" song. with motions. **

**that'll teach him to not enjoy four square...**

**[i am way to into your story, haha]**

Hailey: People are actually into my story?! No way! Awesome, thanks!

Gordon: …THANKS? For HUMILIATING me?!

Hailey: Oh, and that too! *grin* That'll teach you to pick a fight with the viewers. Go on then! *shoos Gordon off to MCU*

Gordon: Why in the name of all things holy did I ever sign up for this…. *strips down to 'tightie whities' and stands on building* Uh—I'm a little teapot, short and stout... here is my handle, here is my spout! *does hand movements for handle and spout* When I get all steamed up! Here me shout! Tip me over and spill me OUT! *throws hands in air joyfully (like a little boy)*

Harvey: …Gordon….

Gordon: Ahem! *throws clothes back on* You were saying?

Hailey: *still giggling from Gordon's enthusiasm while singing*

Gordon: What? The CLOWN can have fun, but not me?

Hailey: That's because he's insane Gordon. And he's just awesome like that! *sticks out tongue*

Bruce: Can we just CONTINUE, please?

Hailey: Fine, fine! Who should read the next dare…? Hell, let's make it interesting! *poofs the ghosts of Bruce's parents into the room*

Bruce: D-…Daddy? *shocked, wide eyes* M-m-mommy?

Hailey: Be quiet, Batsy. Can you just read the next dare?

Ghost of Bruce's Dad: *ghostly, whispery voice* Sure…? This next dare is from **takara410****.**

**i want to dare joker to give racheal a lap dance.**

Ghost of Bruce's Mom: Do they mean Bruce's playmate friend?! *horrified* (Clearly, they are unaware that any time has passed. XD)

Bruce: *comes to his senses* DADDY!!!

Hailey: Thanks, that's all we'll need! See you two in the afterlife! *waves goodbye and poofs Bruce's parents away*

Bruce: M-…Mommy…? D: *whimper*

Joker: Aww, get over it Batsy. Life moves on! *laugh*

Rachel: Isn't getting raped by Harvey in a princess dress ENOUGH for you people?! Now you want me to get raped by the city PSYCHO?

Hailey: Hmm… she DOES have a point. I guess I'll let her slide this time. But only this time….

Rachel: *collapse* Oh thank GOD.

Harvey: Why don't we read the next dare now?

Hailey: Sounds good to me! Rachel?

Rachel: Mkay… this one is from ***~speakin'memind24~*.**

**Oh~~! This is TOO good! =D So-- what'll it be? =D HOW ABOUT THIS: I dare the JOKER to kiss... Hailey! (The amazin' person who made this Dare thing that is. That IS your name right?) And I ain't talkin' about any old ho-hum kiss. I wanna see a passionate, FULL-MINUTE (at the least!) kiss! Fireworks 'n all babe! ;D Yea, i'm pervy, but I don't care!! ;D You KNOW you have to do it! ^_^**

Hailey: *face goes red* U-ummm… W-well, I don't think we can d-do that….

Bruce: Aren't we forgetting something? *holds up contract with smirk*

Hailey: *blushing deep red* N-no! I--… *points finger angrily* Don't think I don't know who you are ***~speakin'memind24~***! Only ONE person would ask this—

Harvey: --And why would you even CARE? You couldn't possibly LIKE that frea-

Hailey: SHUDDUP TWO FACE. A-anyway, I'm sorry folks, but—

Joker: Nah-ah! *maniac grin* You aren't gettin' outta THIS one! *grabs Hailey around waist and kisses her*

Everybody: *disturbed stare as kiss continues* ………

Alfred: *clears throat uncomfortably*

Hailey: *pull back suddenly* U-um… *slap Joker* How DARE you touch me!

Joker: *giggle* Gotta little fight in you don't ya?

Hailey: *face red* Well that concludes our second (horribly embarrassing) episode everyone! Please comment with any dare you wish! We won't (or... can't) refuse any dare. And always remember, no rules! See you next time!

A/N: Just a quick note from me (Hailey)! I've noticed lots of our viewers like to give us "suggestive" dares. This, by ALL means, is not a bad thing at ALL; it makes things rather more entertaining in my opinion! :D Just remember that, along with those dares, it's good to throw in a few other, crazier dares! And you CAN request more than one dare. Oh, and speaking of crazy dares, I am ON TO YOU ***~speakin'memind24~***. Don't think I won't get you for almost making me admit to my undying love for the Joker in front of everyone!!!

…

Crap. -_-


	4. Episode Three

Hailey: Welcome to the third episode of Dare the Dark Knight Characters! I want to thank all of you who have favorited and alerted this story! It's AMAZING! I really appreciate it.

Harvey: *peeks at dares* We'll all see how much you "appreciate" them after this episode…. *snigger*

Hailey: What're you talking about? I love my reviewers!

Harvey: Oh, just ignore me. You will see in time. *foreboding music*

Hailey: Ooookay? *shrug* On to the dares!!! Bruce?

Bruce: Here's our first dare, by **J.C. le Mysterieuse****.**

**Great story Hailey! This is definitely in my favorites list. :) Here are the dares!**

**1.I dare Bruce, Joker, Harvey, and Fox must dress in black and white suits with black top hats and tap dance with black canes in their hands for at least five minutes without stopping.**

**2. I dare all except Alfred and Fox must participate in spin the bottle**

**3. I dare Dr. Crane must spray himself with his fear gas**

**4.I dare Batman must jump off the Empire State Building and say: "To infinity and beyond!"**

**After all, "What doesn't kill you simply makes you..stranger."**

Hailey: *grins ear to ear* That's one of my favorite lines in the movie! (Along with every other Joker line... *fail*) Let's get started! Bruce! Harvey! Fox! Joker! Get up here!

Bruce Harvey Fox & Joker: *appear in extremely well form-fitting tuxedos with hats and begin to tap dance shockingly well choreographed routine*

Rachel & Hailey: *drool*

*Joker trips Dent, who collides into Bruce, causing Bruce's cane to fly out of his hand and hit Fox in the eye, who stumbles trips over already-fallen Dent, causing Joker to burst into a fit of laughter and Bruce to march off stage in an angry diva-star tantrum*

Dr. Crane: Well that went… well.

Hailey: Time for spin the bottle!!

*Bruce, Joker, Dr. Crane, Harvey, Gordon, Rachel, and Hailey sit in circle*

(---Just so you all know, whatever happens next, this IS actually random. I'm using a random site I found for this!---)

Joker: And here… we… GO! *spins bottle……… and lands on Crane*

Dr. Crane: Figures…. *grumble*

Joker: *plants kiss on Crane's cheek* Eh, you sorta taste like antibacterial soap…. *grimace*

Bruce: My turn!!! *spins bottle excitedly…… and lands on Gordon*

Hailey: *chokes on laughter*

Bruce: *grumble* So unfair…. I get the old guy…. *blows kiss half-heartedly*

Rachel: *spins bottle and gets…. Harvey*

Hailey: Well that's no fun, you two are already a couple.

Harvey: Rules are rules!! *plants a big wet one on Rachel*

Hailey: Here goes everything…. *spins bottle…. And lands on Dr. Crane* …DAMN.

Dr. Crane: Well, I seem to be awfully popular in this game.

Hailey: Hell, you're kinda cute, why not? *pecks Crane on lips* Ew… you DO taste like antibacterial soap.

Joker: Ya SEE?

Bruce: Well I guess that ends spin the bottle! *on cue, bottle disappears*

Joker: Time to have a taste of your own medicine Johnny boy! Or, a taste of your own Fear Toxin! *laughs at own bad joke*

Dr. Crane: Hm, I suppose I should be dreading this, but I've always been curious….. *sprays self with small dose of fear toxin* Oh, well that wasn't so—OH MY GOD NO!!! S-STAY BACK!!!! *waves arms frantically, falling backward* NOT THOSE!! A-ANYTHING BUT THOSE!!! H-HELP!! *dives behind Rachel*

Joker: Aw, what is it Johnny? *giggle*

Crane: THEY'RE C-COMING!! P-PLEASE, NO!!! *throws arms over head and hurls self into farthest corner dramatically*

Hailey: I forget… how long does the Toxin last?

Gordon: Beats me, he invented the stuff. Just leave 'im.

Fox: How 'bout the next dare then? Are you ready to jump off the Empire State Building, Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: Ready as I'll ever be. *magically appears on Empire State Building*

Harvey: *chanting under breath* Jump, jump, jump….

Bruce: *deep breath* To infinity… AND BEYOND!!!! *throws self off building dramatically, Superman style*

Everyone: *watches as Bruce falls to his death*

Alfred: Will he be… alright?

Hailey: Yea, yea, he'll be just fine. I just have to revive him I guess. *revives Bruce* You see? All shiny and new!

Bruce: What… happened? *dizzy*

Harvey: *blank stare* …You died.

Crane: *in background, lying in fetal position on the ground, shivering and whimpering* N-not the butterflies… anything but the b-butterflies!

Rachel: Mmmmmkaaaay……?

Hailey: Well, apparently we now know Dr. Crane's fear. Butterflies.

Crane: *girl shriek* NOT THE BUTTERFLIES!

Joker: This will come in use later…. *evil smile*

Hailey: Moving forward! Why don't you read our next dare, Joker?

Joker: This little dare is courtesy of **teresamarie322.**

**dear hailey,**

**don't be ashamed of your love. it's not our fault that we're attracted to psychopathic clowns who aren't really psychopathic but "ahead of the curve". there's not one thing wrong with that, and, despite what anyone says, you do not need counseling for it :)**

**also, i dare everyone involved in this madness to get in the pool (because there's obviously a pool wherever this is taking place, DUH) and build a house of cards on a raft. **

**(no, i have no control over these ideas... they just happen.)**

Hailey: ……

Joker: Hm, I wonder who the hell she's talking about. *scratches head*

Gordon: *smacks forehead* For a sick genius, you really are oblivious, clown.

Joker: And I have no IDEA what you're talking about. So there!

Hailey: *poofs swimming pool into room* What do you know! A swimming pool! How convenient.

Alfred: Then let's get started, shall we?

Harvey: Crane! Stop whimpering and get your sorry butt over here! The requester said "EVERYONE involved in this madness", so suck up!

Crane: *stands slowly, still quivering a bit, murmuring to self* --Only a toxin-… nothing really there--… damn butterflies…

*whole group begins building tower, failing miserably, with Harvey ordering people around*

Harvey: No! THERE you stupid bat! Don't balance that card on that side old man, it's gonna fall! No, not THERE. THERE! *points vaguely around*

Rachel: *sweating* Almost there, I think we got it! Careful, Bruce!

Bruce: *carefully reaching up to place last card*

Joker: COWABUNGA!!!!! *launches self off diving board, cannon balling into card palace with a huge SPLASH and a shower of cards*

Bruce: *eye twitches*

Fox: *whisper* I think it's best we move on Miss Hailey… before someone gets a severe injury. Or several.

Hailey: Point definitely taken! Next dare people!!! I'll read it this time! The following is from one of my lovely reviewers, **DefyGravityCC.**

**Funny story! Okay here are my dares...**

**1. Joker has to do a sexy dance in nothing but bubble wrap, and he must do this to the sound of ice tea being stired!**

**2. Joker must play seven minutes in heaven with "batsy" LOL!**

**3. Hailey must burb her ABC's in Joker's face! Ha!**

**Oh yeah tell Joker I am obsessed with him and want to tie him up in my closet!**

Hailey: *shocked silence*

Bruce: I am NOT doing that.

Joker: *shrug* Time to get down and dirty! *wink*

Gordon: Oh dear lord….

Joker: *strips down to nothing but bubble wrap* Well?! Gimme a beat Pops!

Alfred: *hesitantly begins to stir ice tea*

-------THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS CENSORED-------

Rachel: My… EYES! *covers eyes with both hands* THEY BURN!

Joker: What, you didn't like my little show? *cackle*

Hailey: U-u-um.. w-w-well— a-ah… I-I m-mean… b-but—a-and…. *can't form coherent words*

Joker: *smug* I knew it: you can't resist _moi_!

Hailey: W-what?!

Joker: Jeez! Just kidding around, no need to get so uppity! *wink and laugh*

Gordon: *sigh* Moving on?

Bruce: I said it before and I'll say it again: I am NOT going into a closet with THAT psychopath!

Hailey: *grumbles something about Bruce being "ungrateful"*

Joker: C'mon Batsy! Let's go! *drags him into closet*

*various noises of punches, kicks, shattering glass, breaking wood and laughter from the Joker can be heard from closet*

Bruce: *emerges from closet* Someone help the clown. I don't think he can stand on his broken legs.

Joker: *crawls out of closet * No no no, don't worry about me, I couldn't be HAPPIER! *bursts into another fit of laughter*

Dr. Crane: I'll bet. *rolls eyes*

Joker: *randomly passes out*

Hailey: *sees her chance, and quickly burps her ABC's, running out at G because she sucks at burping on demand* (It's totally true too)

Joker: Hmm… what happened?

Hailey: Nothing! *beams innocently* Oh, and **DefyGravityCC **wants me to tell you that she wants to tie you up in her closet.

Joker: Y'know, strangely, that's not the first time I've heard that….

Hailey: Riiiiight…. Gordon, next dare please?

Gordon: Oh great, MORE madness. This is by **Jokersgirl24.**

**Hey I dare hailey to tell a really bad joke but it makes Joker laugh for the rest of the chapter *sigh* love that laugh**

Hailey: *coughcoughcough*I called him first!*coughcoughcoughHACKWHEEZE* A joke you say? Hmmm….

Joker: *waits impatiently, twirling knife*

Bruce: I thought we made a deal Clown. I don't hurt you, and you keep your knives to yourself!

Joker: Calm DOWN Batsy, you shouldn't be one to talk! After what happened that closet of yours, I don't think I exactly qualify as "unharmed". *psycho giggle*

Hailey: I got it!!! *blush* C'mere! *leans over and whispers joke into Joker's ear* Hey, you didn't say I had to say it out LOUD. *grin*

Joker: *pause* AhaHAHhAAAhahaaAhAHhooheeHAhHOhEoAHHA!

Dr. Crane: What on Earth IS that noise?!

Rachel: Laughter… apparently.

Joker: *continues to laugh, rolling on the floor*

Bruce: Let's just keep going, if we're lucky he'll die. I'll read the next. This dare is from **liet**!

**very nice, I love these dare things!(cacklesevily!!)**

**Ok I dare... Batsy to dye his batsuit fluresant PINK FOR A WHOLE WEEK! mwahaha!**

Bruce: B-but… my batsuit… *strokes it lovingly*

Rachel: Hey, maybe it's just my opinion, but I think pink looks kinda sexy on men. *shrug*

Bruce: *head snaps up* …I'll be right back. *runs off to dye batsuit pink*

Hailey: *whisper* Good one, Rach.

Rachel: Any time! *high fives*

Joker: *still laughing hysterically on ground, almost not breathing*

Alfred: Are you sure we shouldn't help the poor fellow?

Dr. Crane: No. Just move on to the next dare.

Hailey: Okay! Hey Mr. Fox! You wanna read one?

Fox: My pleasure. This dare is thanks to **TavyBeckettFan.**

**This was so hilarious that I almost peed my pants. heeheehee.**

**Anyways, I have a small list of dares: *ahem* **

**1. I dare Joker to imitate Jack Sparrow. Oh, excuse me - CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. Drink the rum, too, man! It's good stuff. Get drunk while you're at it! BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**2. I dare Rachel to make out with Mr. Fox. He ain't bad looking, anyhow... (Just pretend he's Bruce.)**

**3. I dare Alfred to put a trantula spider on Harvey's head. HEHEHAHAHAHAHABUWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**4. I dare Bruce to light his fart on fire! heeheehe!**

**5. I dare Hailey to make out with Harvey. (Just pretend he's the Joker) *snickers evilly***

**Okay, I think I'm done. GoodBye!**

**Jb**

Hailey: *laughing nearly as hard as Joker* This I HAVE to see!!! Hey, Jack! Calm yourself for a moment; you got another dare!

Joker: *instantly calm* Oh do I? I seem to be awfully popular. *waggles eyebrows*

Rachel: Just do the stupid impersonation, Joker.

Joker: No need to get all GROUCHY. *clears throat* Oi! Get outta me rum! *swaggers over to rum case* C'mon ya' lazy blokes, ge' on with it! *drains entire rum bottle* See, now THAT *points at empty rum bottle* is the GOOD STUFF. *hiccup*

Hailey: He seems to be drunk… well this outta be interesting.

Joker: *hiccup*

Rachel: You know, I think it's obvious that these kind of suggestive dares aren't going to stop, so I'm just going to embrace it! *grabs unprepared Fox and begins kissing him*

Harvey: *horrified*

Bruce: I'M DONE!!! *triumphantly walks into room in bright pink batsuit* …… *sees Rachel making out with Fox* HEY!!!

Fox: *jerks back* Ahem… well…

Bruce: *points at Fox* He's not even wearing PINK!

Joker: *giggles drunkenly, with Hailey desperately trying to keep him on his feet*

Alfred: *sneaks up behind Harvey and sticks tarantula on his head*

Harvey: Oh, come on Bruce, it was only a dar—OH MY GOD WHAT IS IN MY GLORIOUS HAIR???? GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!!!!!

Joker: *bursts into fit of hiccupping giggles, nearly collapsing on poor Hailey*

Rachel: *calmly takes spider off Harvey's head* Aw, she's kinda cute. I'm gonna name her Delilah! *croons softly to spider*

Bruce: *farts without warning and quickly sets it on fire, accidentally singing Delilah to a crisp*

Rachel: DELILAH NOOOO! *murder glare at Bruce*

Bruce: What? No need to stare at me: I already know how hard it is to resist me in pink! *wink*

Harvey: *rocking back and forth in the corner, knees clasped to chest* My hair… my flawless, golden hair… in the clutches of that INSECT….

Hailey: *groan* Someone take care of Jack. *drops drunk Joker on ground*

Joker: *giggles drowsily*

Hailey: *marches over to Harvey, yanks his head up by the back of his hair and begins making out with him*

Everyone: *awkward silence as kiss continues*

Joker: *stares with half shocked half disgusted expression*

Hailey: *stops abruptly* Sorry! Forgot who I was kissing for a moment there…. *blush*

Joker: *still staring*

Alfred: Well then… let's move on shall we? Harvey, could you please gather what little dignity you have left and read our last dare?

Harvey: *dazed* Um… okay. This one is by **HelenaTwilight.**

**Love this story. I wish the Joker would kiss me. Actualy, no. I dont want to die, But kissing Bruce is good for me. anyways for my dare, I dare Bruce to give Joker a lapdance then a passionate kiss. Lol**

Hailey: So should I take it as a complement that I didn't die…?

Bruce: Why am I always the one people want to rape the friggin' clown….

Joker: *hiccups…… passes out*

Rachel: Looks like the rum finally set in there…

Bruce: Rachel… avert your eyes! *gives lap dance to unconscious Joker, followed by what could be the shortest passionate kiss on planet Earth*

Dr. Crane: Well this has been disturbing…. And exceedingly entertaining somehow….

Hailey: Which is why we're here! So, if you want the next episode in a hurry, please make a dare! Remember: ANYTHING GOES. See you next episode!!!

Quick A/N: Just as I was finishing up writing this, I got perhaps the most ironic cell phone text in history. You know those stupid chain texts, that say all these lame things like "snd dis to 67.9745 ppl in the nxt 5 seconds and u'll meet the luv o' ur life!!! 3"? Well, the one I just received was a little different. It said (this is exact words) "A clown will appear by ur bed at 1:45 tonight an kidnap u if u do not send this to 10 ppl. If u do u will get lucky 2morow!"

…

WHY THE HELL WOULD I SEND THIS??? XDDD I would HAPPILY have a certain clown kidnap ME in the dead of night. If only any of these stupid texts actually worked…. *sigh* Anyway, sorry it took me so long to update, this episode turned out to be 11 PAGES. *falls over in exhaustion*


	5. Episode Four

Hailey: Welcome back! 'Dare the Dark Knight Characters' sure does seem to be speeding along, doesn't it? I got one little update to tell you all before we start, so LISTEN UP. As I've said before, we have a lot of "suggestive dares" out there; and that's okay with me. But, as we ALL know, things can only go so far before they get a little extreme. So, if I choose to just sort of pass over any of your dares, it's not 'cuz I hate you! It's just because A) It's been done before. Or B) It's too sexually suggestive. Now, I'm still gonna do slightly suggestive dares, so keep asking 'em, but I only do 'em if they have potential for a laugh. On that note… ON TO THE DARES!!! We got a fresh new batch of dares armed and ready to humiliate, so let's get started! This is from **The King of Soda.**

**My dares...**

**I dare Bruce to stand naked while the Joker, Crane, and Harvey ring-around-the-rosey him, while kissing him on the neck when they get close. Oh, and it must out in the street in front of EVERYONE.**

**I dare the Joker to jump into water and stay underwater for, oh... twenty hours! Without a breathe-mask hahaha!**

**I dare Rachel to eat a whole apple, unchewed.**

**I dare Harvey to flip a coin to decide the fates of EVERYONE in this fic.**

**And finally, I dare Hailey to do the one thing she dreads most... whatever that might be hahahahaha!**

Hailey: …Those certainly are…original. (By the way, not to be picking on the new reviewer or anything, but the first dare is a good example of what I'm talkin' about. *shot by new reviewer* XDDD Sorry!)

*poofs pool from previous episode back into room, soggy cards and all*

Joker: *wink* Wish me luck! *jumps in pool*

Bruce & Harvey: *watch intently, chanting under breath* Drown, drown, drown….

Joker: *begins building card tower underwater at bottom of pool, giggling and rapidly loosing oxygen*

Hailey: Hey Rach, why don't you start on your dare?

Rachel: My dare? Hm, that's funny, I don't remember getting a dare. I remember getting a DEATH SENTENCE.

Hailey: Hey, nobody ever said eating your fruits and vegetables killed anyone! *hands Rachel apple*

Gordon: That's because nobody has ever been stupid enough to eat an apple WHOLE before.

Rachel: *looks at apple doubtfully* Oh, ALL RIGHT. *shoves apple into mouth and…succeeds*

Hailey: *stare* How did you DO that?

Rachel: *feels stomach curiously* I don't know, but I think I can still FEEL it inside me… *apple-sized lump in middle of Rachel's stomach*

Crane: ….Interesting….

*meanwhile, Harvey gets tired of waiting for Joker to die*

Harvey: My turn! *takes out coin* The CLOWN GOES FIRST.

(---I'm using a real coin for this. XD---)

Harvey: *flips coin and lands on…. Black side* DIE CLOWN! *shoots Joker, who was still underwater happily building tower of cards*

Hailey: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED HIM! *wail*

Harvey: YOUR TURN. *points gun at Hailey*

Hailey: Eh?!

Harvey: *flips coin and lands on…. White side* …Damn.

Hailey: …PHEW *collapse in relief*

Harvey: *points gun at Bruce* And now the Bat's turn. *flips coin and lands on… Black side*

Bruce: Wait a moment here--!

Harvey: *shoots Bruce* Get over here Scarecrow!

Crane: *inching toward back door* Well, funny thing, I really must be somewhere—

Harvey: *flips coin and lands on… white side* No matter, I got plenty of more victims… Gordon! *flips coin and lands on…. Black side*

Gordon: …Crap D8 *shot*

Harvey: *turns to Alfred and Fox* …Ah, hell, I can't shoot defenseless old men; I'll let you live. For now.

Hailey: Thank you Harvey… for KILLING EVERYONE.

Harvey: Any time. *grin* And isn't it YOUR turn?

Hailey: Umm… we'll get to that at the end of the chapter….

Harvey: Suuuuure you will.

Hailet: NEXT DARE!

Joker: Oh, oh! I wanna read one! *grin*

Hailey: *hands over first dare* Go right ahead!

Joker: WELL, this particular dare is from ***~speakin'memind24~***…

Hailey: *eyes go wide* W-wait--!

Joker: *reads anyway*

**Heh heh heh... you know me too well Hailz. ;D But I ain't done here yet, O no! I'm only warmin up! -so evil- Let's keep the ball rolling shall we? I dare the Joker to give a smexy, shirtless james Bond impersonation to Hailey, and she must respond by fanning herself and saying "Oh, James! You sexy beast!" and fainting. HELLZ YEAH! Ur in 4 it NOW my friend! One more dare: i dare our dear ol' Alfie to hug meh! I always wanted to hug that dude! ;D Thankies! -skips off-**

Hailey: *twitch*

Rachel: …And you call this person your FRIEND?

Hailey: Shockingly… yes. And now I'm beginning to question why that is….

Joker: *shrugs and giggles* Ah, well this is a new one! *strips off shirt and puts on dark 'James Bond' sunglasses*

Bruce: Oh, for gods SAKE….

Joker: …The name's Bond. *whips off sunglasses and gives sultry stare* …JAMES Bond.

Hailey: *nosebleed*

Gordon: Ahem! *clears throat noisily*

Hailey: Oh—oh right! Oh, James! You sexy beast! *dramatically smacks back of hand to forehead and faints*

Harvey: *snorts with laughter*

Joker: That was more entertaining than I expected I guess, Dent Face just laughed at one of my jokes! *random burst of laughter*

Bruce: Alfred, why don't you just hurry up and hug her so we can move on and Hailey can salvage what little dignity she has left?

Alfred: Right, Master Wayne. *carefully hugs ***~speakin'memind24~****

Fox: Right, moving forward then?

Joker: You bet! *notices Hailey still on ground* What're you doing on the ground?! We got dares to read! *helps Hailey up*

Hailey: *rolls eyes* Just… put your shirt back on! *throws shirt at Joker's face* This next dare is from **liet's girlfriend**!

**omg pure awesome to the max! *dies***

**anyway my dare is 4 the joker to give everyone a makeover... using PERMANENT sharpies!! RAINBOW SHARPIES!**

Harvey: NO WAY dude. That loon's already done ENOUGH to my face!!!

Joker: *dozens of colorful sharpies suddenly appear in hands* Oh COME ON, why so serious?! *cackle*

Bruce: *hides behind Alfred and Rachel*

Joker: *dives at first victim with maniac laugh*

--------- Five minutes later ----------

Harvey: *has whole face covered in a scribbled chaotic blob* MY FACE!!! *sob*

Crane: *butterflies draw all over face* DAMN YOU CLOWN.

Hailey: *Joker makeup drawn all over face* Hm… Interesting….

Bruce: *has 'BATSY' written in jagged red letters all over face and arms, with little drawings of stick figures flapping their arms like bat wings* Is that supposed to be ME? *points disbelievingly at stick figures*

Rachel: *has a skinny stick figure in a pink batsuit on one half of face, and a crazy-looking stick figure with a bleeding face and a gun on other, along with a bunch of (badly drawn) kiss marks* You will RUE THE DAY Joker! Somewhere, somehow, I will EXACT MY REVENGE.

Alfred: *'I TASTE LIKE OLD PERSON' written across face in capital letters*

Fox: *little pictures of rabid foxes on face and arms, along with 'I'M A FOXY FOX' in large purple letters*

Gordon: *teapots, princess dresses and daisies covering every visible surface of skin*

Joker: *beams proudly at creations* Y'know, I really shoulda been an artist….

Harvey: *murderous rage*

Hailey: Whoa whoa! Harvey, killing the Joker once? NOT COOL. Killing him TWICE? YOU DIE. Someone read the next dare before somebody gets their head bitten off!

Gordon: Whatever you say. I guess. *shrug* This is from **wiilover432.**

**:D i love this! made me laugh for a whole hour its that funny!. my dare would be for the joker to kiss bruce for 10 seconds (using tongues!). im a very sick a twisted person, i no... lol! yhoo must carry on with this! Xx**

Bruce: *gag*

Joker: There seem to be quite a few BatsyxJoker fans out there, huh Batsy? *grin*

Bruce: Yes… though I will NEVER understand why… *looks at Joker, who is carving notches in the shape of deranged smiley faces into floor out of boredom* Ugh, fine!! *grabs Joker and kisses him with tongue*

Joker: *bites Bruce's tongue and laughs*

Bruce: OW! *kicks Joker* You can't even resist KISSING like a freak?

Hailey: Hm, he wasn't that bad when I kissed him…. Anyway, onward with the rest of the dares! Let's get someone new to read a dare! *grabs random loon out of Arkham Asylum* How about you?

Random loon: Huh…? *twitches violently*

Hailey: Read this dare! *hands crazy person dare*

Random loon: …… *nibbles card a little* This dare is from **Jokersgirl24.**

**Sorry hailey, but i sent this to you on an email. I dare Bruce and Joker to do a duet of Jingle Bells batman Smells and in the end Bruce has to say alone. The Joker Got away!**

Random loon: *violent twitch* …Who's the Joker?

Everyone: *stare*

Harvey: You don't get out much do you.

Random loon: WE'RE OUTSIDE THE PRISON?!

Rachel: You mean, the Asylum? Yes…?

Random loon: *runs out of room with Native American war cry* I SHALL BE FREEEEEEE!!!

Crane: Well, thank you for releasing one of my craziest patients on the whole city of Gotham. *sarcasm*

Hailey: *sticks out tongue at Crane* Just read the next dare, Scarecrow!

Crane: *annoyed sigh* This dare is from **Jokersgirl24** (again!).

**Hey hailey. Jokersgir24 is here! *cues dramatic music and looks for applause*. uh, okay. Anywho. Great chapter, thanks for using my dare U R AWESOME! For my next dares I dare Harvey too have to watch the Joker melt his prescious little coin, and then make another coin but with the JOkers head on it that way he always has to look at the Joker, oh wait, then he has to give it to Hailey so she can always have her little jokesy woksey with her! Bye bye!**

Hailey: YAY. :D

Harvey: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE WISH TO STRIP ME OF EVERYTHING I LOVE? *sob*

Joker: Aw, cheer up Two Face! Your coin is in good hands! *snatches coin from Harvey*

Harvey: *sobs harder*

Joker: Heehee! *melts down coin and makes new one with his face* Oooh, what a great likeness! You can even see the SCARS. Wanna see your precious coin NOW Harvey?

Harvey: *slaps hand over eyes dramatically* No! I can never look at it again! Just give it to your LOVER.

Hailey: *GLARE OF DOOM*

Harvey: *cowers* I-I m-mean Hailey!

Hailey: *innocent smile*

Joker: Oookay! *hands over to Hailey, who tries desperately to conceal her happiness and fails completely*

Bruce: Should we move on? Rachel, why don't you read something while Hailey recovers.

Rachel: Got it! Hm, this one is from **AtomicTwilight**!

**Oh man, these dares are AMAZING!**

**Anyway, I have a few dares;**

**1. I dare Gordon and the Joker to do the Thriller dance**

**2. I dare Crane to get up on some kinda high surface and sing 'I am beautiful'**

Gordon: AGAIN with the dancing….

Joker: *claps* C'mon, Gordy!

*music begins*

Joker: *flails arms randomly, continuously whacking Gordon in face*

Gordon: *does entire Thriller dance perfectly, throwing in an occasional Michael Jackson move and singing along extremely off-key* You know it's THRILLERRRR! THRILLER NIGHT!

*scene continues until end of song, which Gordon finishes off in splits*

Everyone: ….

Hailey: Wow, I didn't know old people were flexible…

Gordon: *cough*Shut up!*cough* Isn't it Crane's turn now?

Hailey: Get up there Scarecrow! *shoves Crane onto ginormous concert stage*

Crane: *bewildered under spotlight, blinking into lights* U-um… what song is it again?

*music begins playing, and Crane immediately recognizes song with excitement*

Crane: *closes eyes and sings with voice shockingly like a woman's*

_Every day, is so wonderful_

_Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe_

_Now and then, I get insecure_

_From all the pain, I'm so ashamed_

_I am beautiful no matter what they say_

_Words can't bring me down_

_I am beautiful in every single way_

_Yes, words can't bring me down_

_oh no..._

_So,don't you bring me down today_

_To all your friends, you're delirious_

_So consumed in all your doom_

_Trying hard to fill the emptiness_

_The piece is gone let the puzzle undone_

_Is that the way it is?_

_Cause you are beautiful no matter what they say_

_Words can't bring you down_

_You are beautiful in every single way_

_Yes, words can't bring you down_

_oh no..._

_so Don't you bring me down today..._

_No matter what we do_

_(no matter what we do)_

_No matter what they say_

_(no matter what they say)_

_We're jongsong inside the tune_

_Full of beautiful mistakes_

_And everywhere we go_

_(everywhere we go)_

_The sun will always shine_

_(sun won't always shine)_

_But tomorrow we mind awake_

_On the other side_

_Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say_

_Yes, words won't bring us down_

_We are beautiful in every single way_

_Yes, words can't bring us down_

_So, don't you bring me down today_

_Don't you bring me down today_

_Don't you bring me down..._

_Oooh, Today_

Harvey: *tears in eyes* That was…… BEAUTIFUL! *bursts into applause*

Crane: *clears throat* Oh-- uh… thank you? *suddenly uncomfortable onstage again*

Rachel: The only thing I have to wonder is how he knows that song by heart….

Bruce: *whisper* He's a Christina Aguilera fan. It's all he has on his ipod.

Crane: *head snaps up to glare at Bruce* It was YOU. YOU stole my brand new pink ipod!!!!

Joker: *shakes head* I'm not even going to ASK. *chuckle*

Hailey: Next dare shall we?! This here dare is by **takara410.**

**I dare Rachael to give joker a lap dance in a i heart joker t shirt**

Rachel: *rage* YOU KNOW WHAT??

Joker: No, what? *raises eyebrow in bored fashion*

Rachel: I--… don't know. *defeat* I don't even CARE anymore! *puts on 'I 3 Joker' shirt and gives awkward lap dance*

Joker: *yawns*

Rachel: *stares at him with disbelieving/disgusted/insulted expression*

Bruce: *stares at Joker in disbelieving/disgusted/freakishly jealous expression*

Alfred: *sigh* Allow me to read the next one, Miss Hailey. Ahem, this next set of dares is from **DefyGravityCC.**

**I'm Back with more dares!**

**1. Hailey must blow a raspberry on Jokers stomach.**

**2. The Joker must take a shower with the male player of his choice. Hee Hee!**

**3. Since the Joker likes to cause pain nd humiliation on a regular bases I dare him to shave Harvey's beautiful golden locks off.**

**4. Last one, In the spirit of christmas I dare the Joker to dress up as Santa and for the rest of you to dress up as his elves. I then want you to walk the streets of Gotham giving out gifts.**

Joker: Well, I seem to be very popular today! *wink*

Hailey: *mouth wide open* U-uh… or are ALL our viewers extremely perverted?

Harvey: Would they BE here if they weren't?!

Hailey: Point taken. Besides, we gotta love them anyway, we'd be out of business without 'em!

Joker: Oh Haaaaaaaillleeeeey… *lifts front of shirt suggestively*

Rachel: *gag*

Hailey: *mutters something about 'burning contract'* Aw, c'mere and lemme get it over with. *awkwardly blows raspberry on Joker's stomach*

Joker: *grabs stomach and giggles* That TICKLES.

Hailey: Yea, yea. Moving on! Joker, choose the male contestant you wish to… *grimace* …shower with.

Joker: Oh, this is HARD. *laugh* I can't choose! I say…ALL OF THEM. *evil cackle*

All male characters: *look at each other, horrified*

Joker: To the showers! *cackles and gallops off*

All male characters: *grimace and shuffle after him resistantly*

Rachel: …The mental image of what they must be going through is horrifying…

All male characters: *emerge from shower rooms, clothes soaked*

Bruce: *blank stare* …We refused to take off our clothes. All except for the clown of course…

Joker: *beams merrily*

Hailey: Ooookay… moving on! Harvey… it looks like you'll have to say goodbye to your hair.

Harvey: *wide, horror-struck eyes* N-no! NOT THE HAIR! *throws arms over head*

Joker: This day just keeps getting BETTER!

Bruce, Crane & Gordon: *restrain struggling Harvey*

Harvey: You can't MAKE ME!

Rachel: Come on Honey, it isn't THAT bad. I hear being bald is the new style!

Harvey: Oh no, you may have been able to pull one over on the stupid BAT, but not me!

Joker: Aw, come now, lighten up a little! *comes at Harvey with knife and maniac grin*

---------- One minute later ----------

Harvey: *staring emotionlessly at wall, refusing to move*

Bruce: It's not *snicker* that bad!

Harvey: *Death Glare of Doom*

Fox: … I think it's a good idea to get on to a… happier dare.

Hailey: Right away! Dress up time!

*Joker is poofed into Santa costume, and everyone else dressed in adorable green and red elf costumes*

Joker: Time to bring JOY to the citizens of Gotham!!! *runs through streets, handing out bombs disguised as toys to various children* No need to thank me! Merry Christmas! *cackle*

Rachel: *shudder* Those children will have nightmares of Santa Claus for the rest of their lives…

Hailey: Next dare!!! Crane? Wanna read one?

Crane: I don't see why not. The following is by **TavyBeckettFan.**

**I guess my dares turned out to be hilarious - although the whole pink batsuit was REALLY funny!!**

**Okay - here...we...GO!**

**1. I dare Everyone, including the girls, must dress up as batman.**

**2. I dare Everyone to play Twister.**

**3. I dare Everyone to play strip poker.**

**4. I dare Rachel to make out with Hailey. *Hides***

**fin.**

**Jb**

Hailey: AWESOMENESS! I've always WANTED to try jumping off a building in the batsuit….

*poofs everyone into a batsuit*

Alfred: *shifts uncomfortably* I've never really been a fan of skin-tight spandex…

Joker: *flaps wings, raising an eyebrow in amusement*

Rachel: I really should get one of these things, that way I won't have to be getting my butt saved every five minutes….

Hailey: *throws self off Wayne Tower* WHOO HOO!!! *flies around Gotham*

Harvey: *continues staring at wall, hands covering pale bald head*

Bruce: *rolls eyes* You people are like a bunch of four year olds… you know that?

Joker: Come now Batsy, don't try to tell us you weren't flappin' around your living room when you first made this thing!

Bruce: …YOU HAVE NO PROOF!

Hailey: *flies back in through window* THAT WAS AMAZIN'. :D

Rachel: Twister Time!!

*ginormous Twister mat appears on ground*

Joker: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! *cackle* Hey Baldy?

Harvey: *looks up with hollow, forlorn expression*

Joker: You get to have the spinner! *shoves Twister spinner at Harvey*

Rachel: Come on Harvey, we can't have you sitting in the corner cutting your wrists for the rest of the show, so PARTICIPATE.

Harvey: *mutters grumpily to self* Alright, alright.

Hailey: Let's go then! Alfred and Fox can sit this one out, but only 'cuz your both old. I would say Gordon too, but you already demonstrated your flexibility….

Gordon: *offended*

Joker: GO!

Harvey: *spins dial halfheartedly* Right foot yellow!

Everyone: *puts right foot on yellow*

Harvey: *spins* Left hand green!

Bruce: Move your hand clown! I can't reach!

Joker: Make me!

Bruce: *shoves Joker, who just barely stays on his feet*

Joker: Now that wasn't very nice was it? *giggle*

Harvey: *spin* right hand red!

Gordon: *tangles limps accidentally and falls part-way into Rachel

Rachel: *teeters* Watch it!

Harvey: *spin* left foot red!

*Bruce struggles to reach over Hailey, who is squashed between Rachel and Gordon, who are both teetering against each other in a tangle of arms and legs, while the Joker has amazingly been able to avoid touching anyone and yet still follow the rules*

Harvey: *spin* left hand blue!

Hailey: *still squashed* That's impossible! *tries vainly to reach over and touch blue dot* Rachel, move your big butt!

Rachel: My big WHAT? *insulted*

Gordon: *reaches over Bruce's head to touch blue dot* I DID IT! :D *collapses on Bruce, who collapses under Gordon's added weight*

Bruce: NO! Damn you old man!

Joker: *has managed to touch blue dot with no difficulty*

Harvey: *spin* Left foot green!

Rachel: *reaches under Joker's arm and JUST barely touches dot* YES!

Hailey: *completely stuck* Hmm… I got an idea! *throws self into Rachel, who's head collides with the Joker's ribcage, causing him to loose his balance and fall over, but in doing that accidentally hits Hailey's elbow resulting in her falling on Rachel's left leg and dragging everyone to the floor*

Rachel: What was THAT for? *rubs sore head*

Hailey: I… didn't want to loose? *guilty grin*

Joker: *holding sore ribcage while laughing hysterically*

Rachel: *randomly grabs Hailey and kisses her*

Hailey: WHA-? *shoves back* What was THAT!

Rachel: It was the dare remember?

Hailey: What…? OH. *laugh* Onward with the dares!!! This is by **BlacAngel.**

**Hehe, I have only one dare at the minute, but i think it could be highly painful. . . and explosive:**

**I dare the Joker. . . .**

**To apologise to Gotham for everything he's done!**

**. . . Then dress like a fairy and do a section of the ballet, "Swan Lake". **

**XD**

**BlacAngel.**

Joker: Apologize? For what? *maniac laugh* I HELPED them!

Bruce: and KILLED half of them in the process!

Joker: And is that MY fault? Nobody would have gotten hurt if they would have just COOPERATED.

Hailey: I'm sorry to do this to you Joker, but you've got to apologize anyway.

Joker: Aw, now you've turned HAILEY against me? And I always thought she was on MY side…

Hailey: *blush dark red* I—I am! But a dare is a dare, Joker. *poofs Joker into middle of Gotham Square*

Civilians: OH MY GOD IT'S THE JOKER RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! DDD: *civilians run for cover*

Joker: AHEM! *clears throat loudly*

*citizens freeze in mid-run*

Joker: *rolls eyes* Look, I know I caused a bit of, ah, HAVOC… but it was all for your own GOOD mkay? *examines knife carelessly* Soooo…. I'm sorry 'bout that.

*citizens stare is disbelief*

Joker: Aaaand… I'm sorry for THIS!!! *giant bomb blows up bank across street*

*all hell breaks loose*

Joker: *maniac laugh* Ah, that's more LIKE IT. *poofs back into room*

Gordon: That was… The WORST apology I've ever seen.

Joker: Hey, nobody said it had to be GOOD. *dresses like fairy* Now cue the music!

*Swan Lake comes on, and Joker proceeds to start jumping and twirling uncoordinatedly across stage, falling several times and eventually ending by throwing himself off stage dramatically in a poorly imitated ballerina leap*

Joker: Ta DAH!!! *curtsies low to ground*

Alfred: *twitch*

Hailey: *tries not to laugh* Next dare, shall we? Fox?

Fox: As you wish. This is courtesy of **HoistTheColours.**

**You had me laughing harder than I have ever laughed in my whole life during Episode Two. Luckily, I was home alone at the time so no one could see my hysterics. **

**Anyways, I dare you (Hailey) take the Joker's hands in your own, and announce your undying love towards him in front of EVERYBODY. **

**Sincerely,**

**HoistTheColours**

**Ps. Tell the Joker that his rendition of Captian Jack Sparrow didn't do the character justice! [;**

Hailey: *stare*

Bruce: Don't tell me you didn't see this coming… *stifled snicker*

Hailey: I did… I just hoped a truck would hit me before I had the chance to do it…. *thinks for a moment* DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE A LARGE UTLITY VEHILE?

Harvey: *shoves Hailey at Joker*

Joker: *oblivious the conversation that just went down* What? Another dare? *grin*

Harvey: Something like that… *laugh*

Hailey: U-um… well-- *takes deep breath* I think you're an amazing person and I think well I actually know I love you and I still know your sort of crazy but for some reason that makes me like you more and I try to tell myself I'm being stupid because all anyone else sees is your knife and scars and I try to see that but I can't because I like you so much and you've always been so nice to me in a half crazy half sane way but I know you don't feel the same so I would have never said anything at all but the stupid dare said I had to confess my feelings! *almost collapses from lack of oxygen*

Everyone: *stares at Joker, waiting for reaction*

-------- TO BE CONTINUED!!!!! --------

A/N: Don't you just HATE me right now? But you shouldn't, because for the first time ever I'm going to let the VIEWERS decide what the Joker is going to say! (I don't know what has possessed me to do this, because I'm probably going to end up humiliated. D:) Here's what you do: Go to my profile, click on the poll at the very top, and choose the reaction that you think the Joker should have! The first 10 votes will decide the outcome, so hurry up and vote! NOW GO! *shoves you along*


	6. Episode Five

Hailey: Merry belated Christmas everybody! Episode Five has arrived!!! And, my GOD, you reviewers are awesome. The dares that keep pouring in have me laughing hysterically at the possibilities, and it's getting harder and harder to decide what should happen! So, before we carry on, I guess we should flash back to what happened last episode, shall we? ;)

_--FLASHBACK-- _

_Hailey:__ U-um… well-- *takes deep breath* I think you're an amazing person and I think well I actually know I love you and I still know your sort of crazy but for some reason that makes me like you more and I try to tell myself I'm being stupid because all anyone else sees is your knife and scars and I try to see that but I can't because I like you so much and you've always been so nice to me in a half crazy half sane way but I know you don't feel the same so I would have never said anything at all but the stupid dare said I had to confess my feelings! *almost collapses from lack of oxygen*_

_Everyone: *stares at Joker, waiting for reaction*_

((Hailey: And the winner is…!))

_Joker: *grabs Hailey and passionately kisses her* I KNEW it… *chuckle*_

_Hailey: *practically dies of happiness*_

_Bruce: *twitch* I am… SO disturbed right now._

_Rachel: Aww, I don't know, I think it's kinda cute! *sappy romantic wistful expression*_

_Harvey: *gag*_

_--END FLASHBACK—_

Hailey: …Did I mention I LOVE you, reviewers? *hugs Joker* (Oh, and if your worried this is going to become some lame 'oh look how in LOOOOOVE we are' fanfic, don't be. It won't be like that, believe me! Besides, I'm sure you'd all fix that quite quickly. XD)

Crane: On to the dares?

Hailey: *beam* On to the dares! To start us off is a dare from **xKillthelights****.**

**This fic is just too awesome for words. Awesome doesn't even begin to cover it. XD**

**I dare the Joker to try a blow up Bruce. With his MIND. **

**And using his new Joker coin, I dare Harvey to decide whether he will slap the Joker in the face, or give him a girly hairdo. Heads is the slap, tails is the girly hairdo.**

Joker: *head snaps around to stare murderously at Bruce*

Bruce: O_O U-umm….

Hailey: Okay, I've seen him looking crazy before, but THAT is scary on a whole different level.

Joker: *continues to stare murderously at Bruce*

Bruce: *grabs head* AGH! My brain hurts! Make it STOP! *curls up in fetal position on ground*

Joker: *doesn't blink*

Bruce: *blows up*

Crane: *chuckle* Interesting… I'll be sure to take note of that tactic….

Joker: That was WAY too easy. *cackle*

Hailey: *shakes head* Sometimes I wonder why I love you….

Joker: *cocky grin* But you do.

Hailey: *revives Bruce* ANYway…. *hands Harvey Joker coin* Decide his fate!

Harvey: *flips coin* …What do you know! Heads! *rolls eyes*

Rachel: I guess that was kind of pointless wasn't it…

Harvey: Pointless… *slaps Joker* but EXTREMELY satisfying.

Joker: *giggles at slap* You hit like a girl.

Hailey: *suppresses laughter* Next dare! Crane?

Crane: *sigh* Sure, sure. This is by **Jokersgirl24**!

**LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! Sorry Halies but I vote NO because the rules of dibs apply to hot clowns as well so DIBS! Mu ha ha ha ha and otherwise my next dare wouldn't be able to happen.**

**CATFIGHT OVER JOKER WITH ME, AND YOU AND ANYONE ELSE WHO LOVES HIM, OH AND EVRYONE HAS TO WATCH, INCLUDING YOU HARVEY MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

Hailey: *poofs boxing ring into room* BRING IT!

Joker: …This should be interesting!

Hailey: Oh, and **DefyGravityCC** wants to be in this 'catfight' (more like WAR) too! *poofs **DefyGravityCC** and **Jokersgirl24** into ring*

Alfred: *whispers* Should we really be standing by and watching this violence? Shouldn't we be acting as some sort of parental guidance?

Crane: *looks at him incredulously* And you think they would actually FOLLOW this guidance?

Alfred: *sigh* True.

Hailey: GO! *tackles Jokersgirl24, who responds by lashing fiercely out with a punch to the side and kicking at DefyGravityCC, who blocks the kick and grabs her foot*

Jokersgirl24: …Crap.

*DefyGravityCC swings Jokersgirl24 around and into Hailey, who is knocked off balance and into the rubber fence around ring, but uses her own momentum to launch herself at DefyGravityCC and grab her by the hair*

DefyGravityCC: OUCH! *flails arms and manages to make contact with Jokersgirl24's nose and a 'CRACK' can be heard*

Jokersgirl24: (insert various cuss words here) You're gonna PAY FOR THAT! *throws self at DefyGravityCC and tackles her to ground*

----- Five minutes later -----

Hailey: *holds broken wrist and moans*

Jokersgirl24: *dabs carefully at broken nose* OW! *wince*

DefyGravityCC: *holds bandaged head in pain* My head HURTS…

Everyone else: *still staring in horror/shock*

Joker: Even to a guy like me, that was VIOLENT. *cackle*

Hailey: *poofs Jokersgirl24 an DefyGravityCC away* That's the LAST time I fight with two angry fangirls…. *heals self and stands unsteadily* Can someone read the next dare? *pause* …And why won't the world stop SPINNING?

Rachel: Umm… this dare is from **TavyBeckettFan**!

**HEEHEEHAHHAHAHOHOHEHEEHETETEHHEHAHHAHOHOHUHHUHAHAHAHAHEHE!**

***takes a breath***

**Okay, I loved it all, and the twister part was completely stupendous! *Barney song plays* oops, sorry.**

**Okay - dare time!**

**1. I dare Bruce to impersonate James Bond. HE fits the part better, y'know!**

**2. I dare Joker to play the electric guitar and sing an AC/DC song.**

**3. I dare Harvey to play the pencil trick - using a random person to make it disappear. heehee.**

**4. I dare everyone to get high on funny grass.**

**5. I dare Alfred to serve refreshments in roller skates and a hooters shirt.**

**6. I dare Rachel to wear a bride's gown and jump into Bruce's arms right in front of Harvey!**

**7. Can you make the Kate and Jane Rachels to fight over Bruce? You know, the Rachel from Batman Begins? That would be so funny!**

**okay - The Joker should give Hailey a big kiss for confessing her feelings to him!**

**have fun!**

**Jb**

Bruce: FINALLY! SOMEBODY SEES THAT I AM MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN THE FREAK! *dances*

Hailey: *stare angrily*

Bruce: *stops mid-dance* Ahem, I mean… sure? *strips off shirt, puts on 'James Bond' sunglasses, and says in deep manly voice* The name's Bond… *whips off sunglasses dramatically as wind flows through hair in slow motion* JAMES BOND. *wink*

Rachel: *drool*

Harvey: *snaps fingers in Rachel's face* Hey, HEY! Don't look at HIM!

Joker: *grabs bat-shaped guitar (defaced with the word 'HA' in bright red marker) and turns volume to 'MINDBLOWING' setting*

( .com/watch?v=tXaZmY52gHM )

Joker: *rocks out on guitar, laughing hysterically* WHOO! *collapse*

Everyone: U-uh….

Harvey: *grabs pencil, stabs into table, grabs Hailey's head and makes pencil 'disappear'* HA!

Joker: *pouts childishly* Y'know, it isn't very nice to steal someone's own magic trick, and then use it against that person's GIRLFRIEND.

Hailey: *rubs stabbed eye* Um, OUCH? *smacks Harvey violently in the head*

Rachel: Whoa whoa, by 'funny grass' does she mean getting HIGH? *gasp*

Hailey: Yes, I think so…

Harvey: Hm, okay then, I think I got some 'round here somewhere…. *pulls drugs out of back pocket* Here we are!

Everyone: *stare*

Crane: Umm… Dent? You do realize drugs are illegal.

Harvey: Yea, so?

Gordon: …And that I'm a cop….

Harvey: *eyes go wide* OH! U-um, it's not--… it's not what it looks like! *throws drugs at Joker* It's HIS! He FRAMED ME! *points accusingly at Joker*

Crane: *rolls eyes* Riiiiight.

Gordon: Yours or not, drugs ARE illegal, and not exactly something we want to ENCOURAGE to our audience… so I'll have to take those. *takes drugs*

Harvey: D: HEY!

Hailey: Aaaaanyway, Alfred? *hides laughter*

Alfred: *skates up in Hooters shirt with blank yet humiliated expression* Your Diet Coke, Miss Hailey.

Hailey: *takes sip grateful* Thanks Alfie! *grin*

Rachel: *randomly comes barreling through room in bride dress, sending Alfred scrambling to stay up on his skates* BRUCIEEEE!!! *throws self into Bruce's arms*

Harvey: First you take my weed, now you take my WOMAN?

Everyone: *looks at Harvey*

Hailey: Well then, time for RACHEL VS. RACHEL SMACKDOWN!!!

*poofs boxing ring back into room again*

Rachel #1 (from TDK): Your going DOWN IMPOSTER!

Rachel #2 (from Batman Begins): ME? *dramatic gasp* An IMPOSTER? Bring it, Bruce is MINE!

Rachel #1: Excuuuuuse ME? Last time I checked, YOU were the one that left him! *slaps Rachel #2*

Rachel #2: Oh no you DIDN'T! *shoves Rachel #1* If I recall correctly, YOU were the one that DIED ON HIM!

Rachel #1: *uses few 'choice words'* You are SO DEAD! *launches self at Rachel #2 with wild animalistic war-cry*

Bruce: Two babes are fighting to the DEATH over me… *nosebleed*

Joker: *giggle* Though why anyone WOULD, I have no idea….

Rachel #1: *begins to strangle Rachel #2* TAKE THAT!

Harvey: *whisper* My money's on Rachel #1.

*Rachel #2 kicks Rachel #1 in stomach, knocking the wind out of Rach. #1*

Crane: Twenty bucks says Rachel #2 kills Rachel #1 first.

Harvey: You are SO on, Scarecrow! *shakes hand* Easiest twenty bucks ever!

---- Ten Seconds Later ----

*Both Rachels dead*

Bruce: *mouth wide open* B-but…

Joker: You SEE? These 'CIVILIZED' people… all it takes is the tiniest push to make them EAT each other! *cackle*

Harvey: You owe me $20, Crane!

Crane: I owe you nothing. They BOTH died. *smug*

Harvey: *mutters something about 'damn asylum directors' under breath*

Hailey: Well, he has sort of already kissed me for confessing my feelings, (see above flashback) so I guess we'll skip that—

Joker: *smirk* Hey, who says that's stopping anyone? *kisses Hailey passionately…again*

Bruce: *twitches…again*

Rachel: *another sappy romantic wistful expression*

Harvey: *gags…again*

Crane: *watches blankly*

Alfred: AHEM! *clears throat loudly*

*kiss continues*

Alfred: SHALL WE CONTINUE MISS HAILEY?

Hailey: *jerk back* WHA--? Oh—oh right! Let's… let's move on shall we? *flushed* Rachel!

Rachel: Right on it! This is from **The lovable writer**…

**I would dare the author to take off his clothes and allow the Batman characters to do whatever they feel like doing.**

Hailey: By the author… do you mean me? *pause* …I'm a girl….

Joker: *giggle* Let's hope not! That'd be QUITE a nasty surprise…

Hailey: *smacks Joker* Shut up! Anyway, if they DO mean me… I am NOT taking off my clothes.

Bruce: Hey! What ever happened to the contract?! *points to Contract of Doom*

Hailey: Last time I checked I was the writer here! So back off buddy, or I'm going to set Jokesy here on you. *points at Joker with thumb threateningly*

Joker: *waves innocently*

Bruce: *grumbles something about 'getting revenge'*

Hailey: Sure Batsy, whatever you say… *rolls eyes* Read the next dare, Fox!

Fox: Right away! This is by **..**

**This is AWEsome!! I laughed so hysterically it was horribly embarrassing. But so worth it!**

**And onto my crazy, crappy dares... heh heh...**

**1. I dare Bruce to give away his entire fortune to a cause that the Joker chooses.**

**2. I dare everyone to create their own superhero persona and do at least one superheroey thing!**

**3. I dare all of the guys [except the old dudes] to walk around in high-heel shoes until they collapse from exhaustion.**

**4. I dare everyone to go skinny-dipping together!**

**5. I dare the villains to write their own piece of poetry.**

**6. I dare everyone to get involved in a GROUP HUG!!**

**MUWHAHAHAHAA! I feel powerful, in an incredibly pathetic way!! Muwhwhaha!!**

Hailey: I feel that way too! Powerful I mean…in a horribly pathetic way…. *sigh*

Bruce: My ENTIRE fortune… *violent shudder*

Joker: *cackle* I know what I WANT! *evil grin*

Bruce: *wide, frightened eyes* Oh lord….

Joker: I want you to use ALL your precious billions to pay for the bail of EVERY prisoner in Arkham! *rolls on floor in laughter*

Crane: But those are MY prisoners!!! I worked HARD to lock them up!

Hailey: What are you TALKING about? All you did was gas 'em with your stupid Toxin!

Bruce: *holds head in hands* I'm RUINED!!! *sobs quietly*

Harvey: *kicks Bruce* Suck it up, Wayne.

Joker: *skips off to release fellow loonies from Arkham*

Rachel: So we all get to be SUPERHEROES? :D I know what I wanna be! *poofs self into cheerleader costume* Save the cheerleader… SAVE THE WORLD. *heroic stance*

Hailey: Umm… right. I think it's pretty obvious what I want to be, isn't it? *changes into Joker's clothes* …Uh…yea.

Crane: …Where did you find an extra pair of the clown's clothes?

Hailey: U-uh…—nowhere! *too innocent (slightly uneasy) smile*

Harvey: *twitch* I don't even WANT to know… Anyway! I shall be… *dramatic pause* WONDERBOY!!! *poofs into cheesy superhero/male model costume*

Hailey: *snicker* How are you going to do anything heroic as THAT?

Harvey: *rolls eyes* Isn't it OBVIOUS? I shall stun villains with an GORGEOUSLY fetching good looks! *looks at self proudly in mirror*

Crane: I'm not much of one for 'superheroes', but I suppose I can make an exception. I am…. *flurry of changing clothes* THE CARECROW!!!

Hailey: The… CAREcrow? Don't you mean SCAREcrow?

Crane: No, I mean what I said! Obviously, my role as the Scarecrow is villainous, so what would be the opposite of scaring someone? CARING for someone! So I have altered my Fear Toxin into the exact opposite! The CURE!!! :D

Alfred: …That's it I suppose. *shakes head sadly* They've all finally snapped….

Gordon: *whooshes past Alfred, causing him to fall over* I feel so ALIIIIIVE!!!! *is wearing a Super Woman costume*

Hailey: Uh…. *slaps hand over eyes to avoid mental scarring* Gordon? That's SuperWOMAN's costume… not Superman's.

Gordon: *stands proudly* Yea… so? It's so much more form-flattering than the men's size!! *admires self in mirror*

Joker: *skips back into room, screams of terror can be heard from doorway before door swings shut behind him* Heeeeeey, you went on with the dares WITHOUT ME? *pouts*

Hailey: Sorry, we thought you'd enjoy releasing the Arkham loonies a tad bit more than watching Gordon admire himself in a Superwoman costume….

Joker: *glances at Gordon, laughing* …Thank YOU for that! *looks back to Hailey* Hm, you look kinda different… is it the hair? I BET it's the hair, isn't it?

Hailey: *still wearing Joker's clothes* Uh… yeeeeaaaa…?

Joker: *snaps fingers and points* I KNEW it!

Hailey: I'm… so happy you noticed? Anyway, *hands Joker and rest of guys high-heeled shoes* prepare to meet your DOOM.

Crane: *looks doubtfully at heels* …Will this hurt?

Rachel: More than you could EVER IMAGINE. *crosses arms with smug expression*

Hailey: *looks down at own Converse* I don't wear high-heels… so I wouldn't know….

Rachel: *GASP* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WEAR HIGH-HEELS?

Hailey: *stares* Um… *shakes head slowly*

Rachel: *horrified* You POOR THING! Never feeling the power that rushes through you every time you put on a brand new pair of stilettos… never feeling that burst of confidence when you can stride down the street in five-inch heels as other woman gazes at you in envy--… I will teach you myself!! THIS VERY MOMENT!

Hailey: N-no! No no no no no, I'm fine! When would I wear them anyway?!

Rachel: *stare* When would you WEAR THEM? After I'm done with YOU honey, your never going to want to take them off! Ladies, get your shoes on!

*all characters (excluding Alfred, Fox, and Gordon) dutifully put on heels, Joker is stilettos, Harvey in pumps, Bruce in blocks, Crane in wedges, and Hailey in tapered*

Rachel: *wearing her favorite bright-red stilettos* Okay ladies, stand on the count of three! One… two… THREE!

*all stand, wobbling dangerously*

Hailey: I'm beginning to understand why I never liked the idea of wearing these things… *wobbles and clutches Crane's arm for support*

Crane: *seems perfectly fine* Hm, this isn't so hard… *struts to far end of room and back without hesitation*

Rachel: *gasp* You have a GIFT. *tears in her eyes*

Joker: *looks disapprovingly down at shoes* Why are these even called 'stilettos'? They aren't sharp enough to stab ANYTHING!

Bruce & Harvey: *clutching each other for support while at the same time trying to push the other over*

Rachel: *sighs* At least no one's fallen yet—

Hailey: *collapses on cue*

Rachel: …Right. *helps Hailey up* Now, we practice the ALL IMPORTANT 'Sexy Walk'! Now, the key is ALL in the hips--…

----- Countless Hours of Practice Later -----

Hailey: *exhausted, leaning on Joker for support* Can't… walk… any… LONGER….

Bruce: *wails* LET ME TAKE THEM OFF! I CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN ANY LONGER!

Harvey: *lying dead on ground, with one of Joker's stilettos stabbed into back*

Crane: *still strutting from one end of room to other, unfazed by distance walked, which could very well have been over a marathon*

Rachel: *sighs in defeat* You're all hopeless. Lesson over!

Hailey: OH THANK GOD. *kicks off shoes and throws out nearest window*

Crane: …I think I'm going to keep them on... *admires shoes*

Bruce: *roasting high heels over bonfire* That's right! BURN YOU EVIL DEMON SHOES.

Joker: *pulls stiletto out of Harvey's body* Hm… maybe not as useless as I thought….

Hailey: *revives Harvey* PEOTRY SLAM! :D Who wants to go first?

Harvey: Oo! Oo! MEH!!!! *flails arms*

Joker: Well you certainly recover quickly from being stabbed to death via high heel don't you? *cackle*

Hailey: Okay, Two Face, you first!

Harvey: *clears throat*

**((A/N: I wrote all following poems myself, specifically for this dare! So… I hope you like them all?))**

_Flip a coin,_

_Where will it land,_

_What will it decide?_

_Watch it spin through the air,_

_Rising…then falling,_

_How much depends on this moment?_

_How much blood will be spilled this time?_

_Watch it hit the ground with an inevitable 'ping'_

_This is it._

_This is the time of decision,_

_Who will die tonight?_

_Heads…again._

_I guess I live another day._

…_Your turn._

Hailey: That was… disturbing.

Harvey: The world just doesn't UNDERSTAND ME! *sits in Emo Corner and proceeds to write more disturbing poetry*

Crane: I suppose… I could go next?

Hailey: Sure thing… Carecrow. *snigger*

Crane: *grinds teeth* That NEVER HAPPENED.

Hailey: Whatever you say, my friend! *secretly had video camera at time*

Crane: *shifts uncomfortably on typically small poetry slam stool* Umm…

_I hide at night,_

_Wondering,_

_Waiting,_

_Praying,_

…_Screaming._

_Can my nightmares leave me be,_

_Just for one sleepless night?_

_Instead of poisoning my dreams,_

_Until they rot and curdle into nightmares?_

_But they won't,_

_Why would they?_

_They love to dance before my eyes,_

_Twisting and writhing in their hypnotic patterns._

_So much like a disease they were._

_But this disease didn't spread,_

_It stayed trapped in my mind._

_What if I could make it spread?_

_What if I could share my darkness with the world?_

_And give them a glimpse of what I face,_

_Night after terrifying, sleepless night?_

_I could do it, if I wanted._

_But did I want to?_

…_Yes._

_I wanted to spread it,_

_Whatever it, this FEAR, was._

_It was my beautiful dread,_

_My picturesque nightmare,_

_My Fear Toxin._

Everyone: *doesn't know whether to clap or run for lives*

Crane: *shuffles off stage shamefully and joins Harvey in the Emo Corner*

Hailey: Uhh… Joker?

Rachel: Oh god, do I WANT to hear this?

Bruce: *has earplugs already in ears* WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Hailey: *smacks Bruce swiftly in head* Go on, Joker! We're listening! ALL of us are. *glares at Bruce*

Joker: *settles comfortably into seat* And here… we… GO!

_Smash!_

_Crack!_

_Tick-Tock!_

_Click!_

_Scream!_

_Pop!_

_Slice!_

_BOOM._

_HA HA!_

_Pow!_

_Slam!_

_Screeeech!_

_Thump!_

_Zzzzz!_

_Thud!_

_Clang!_

_BARK!_

_Clink!_

_BAM!_

_Crack._

_...Why so serious?_

Bruce: …Did you just come up with that on the spot or something?

Joker: *mocking expression of insult* What?! NOOoooOO, I worked long and hard on that one! *glances at Emo Corner* …And nothing you say can make me join those two.

Rachel: *bursts into conversation* GROUP HUG!!!!! :D *throws arms enthusiastically around everyone*

Hailey: *back stiffens at close proximity of so many people* Ack… can't stand… HUGGING….

Rachel: *looks at Harvey and Crane, suddenly hostile* GET OVER HERE YOU DOWNERS! AND BE HAPPY!

Harvey & Crane: *shuffle over into group hug while somehow managing to stay emo-looking*

Hailey: *jumps out of group hug* OKAY then! Moving on! Gordon?

Gordon: *squirms out of awkward group hug* Absolutely! The following dare is by **DefyGravityCC.**

**I have returned with more dares!**

**1. Joker must speak in a bad Jamaican accent for the rest of the chapter. Oh the horrors!**

**2. Joker must go on the Docter Phil show!**

**3. Alfred must walk the streets of Gotham, asking random strangers to take his rectal temperature.**

**4. Since i'm sure Harvey has purchased a very expensive wig for his new bald head, I dare the joker to take said wig flush it down the toilet!**

Joker: Right on, man! *bad Jamaican accent*

Hailey: *twitch* …NOT THE DREADED JAMAICAN ACCENT.

Dr. Phil: *appears out of no where* I hear someone requires my awesome psychologist skills?! *sees Bruce standing in batsuit, staring longingly at Rachel (and oblivious to how obvious it is)* Ah, so YOU must be the one who needs my assistance?

Bruce: Wha-? I don't need your 'ASSISTANCE'! I'm not crazy!!!

Dr. Phil: *scrawls in notebook, mumbling aloud* Reacts badly to talk of own mental state… severe case of denial….

Bruce: No no no! HE'S the loon! *points at Joker, who is sitting innocently in random armchair*

Dr. Phil: *squints eyes at Joker* He seems to be pretty mentally stable to me….

Bruce: *disbelief* WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU?! THE GUY'S NUTS!!! *throws hands in air dramatically*

Dr. Phil: I believe it is QUITE obvious that someone here is "nuts", as you call it…. *looks disapprovingly at Bruce*

Bruce: B-but… I'm the SANEST one here!!

Dr. Phil: *scrawls more notes* That is often what most insane believe, that they are in fact the only mentally stable person…. *glances at Joker again, who waves pleasantly with an innocent grin*

Bruce: *flails arms* BUT I AM THE ONLY SANE ONE!!!

Dr. Phil: Calm down, calm down, I'm only here to HELP people like you. Now, if you could just cooperate and put on this "special jacket"…. *holds out straight jacket*

Bruce: I'm not putting on a STRAIGHT JACKET!

Dr. Phil: But this isn't a straight jacket! It only LOOKS like one. You see, it's REALLY this super fun jacket that makes you feel all warm and special inside, because you get to hug yourself all the time! :D *overly happy voice, as if speaking to a 3 year old*

Hailey: Come on Batsy, it won't be THAT bad! *forces Bruce into straight jacket*

Bruce: *dragged away* YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!

Hailey: Now that that's over with, I think you should know Doc that the Joker actually WAS supposed to be your patient.

Dr. Phil: *shrug* I only take one patient at a time, honey. If you want another patient, you'll have to pay for it! *poofs away*

Alfred: *sighs and puts large paper bag on head* Ahem… *taps random pedestrian on shoulder* …Would you please take my rectal temperature madam?

Pedestrian: *horrified* OH MY GOD RAPIST!! *slaps Alfred* RUN EVERYONE! RUN TO SAVE YOUR VIRGINITY!!!

*citizens flee while police come and haul Alfred away*

Harvey: *rubs temples* This is going to be difficult to explain in court—

Joker: *snatches wig of Harvey's head* HA!! *runs off to flush down toilet, stumbling in a fit of laughter*

Harvey: *crawls hopelessly after Joker* Please! Not the $400 dollar wig! *sob* DO YOU HAVE NO MERCY YOU FIEND?

Joker: *pauses, and turns to give Harvey blank (vaguely annoyed) stare* …Do I look like the 'merciful' type, to you? *skips off to flush wig*

Crane: *coughs to hide laughter* Well, it certainly seems quite a few of our reviewers are just BEGGING for you to finally end your own life.

Harvey: *desolate stare* And in saying that, I GARENTEE someone will request it….

Hailey: *grin* If we're lucky! Keep your fingers crossed! And while Harvey contemplates his impending doom, let's read our next dare! Would you do the honors Batsy? *poofs Bruce back into room, still in straight jacket*

Bruce: *squirms* I will not read a THING until you let me outta this damn jacket! If I loose all the circulation in my arms and they fall off, this is ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. *glares at Hailey*

Hailey: *sigh* You're no fun…. *lets Bruce out of jacket* Now read the dare already!

Bruce: *sticks out tongue childishly* This dare is by **Greasepaint**!

**Great idea you've got going here! **

**I dare Bruce and the Joker to attend a counseling session to try and resolve their differences!**

Joker: *skips back in from flushing wig, drying hands on pants* What's this I hear about settling differences? Will it involve explosions?! *excited*

Bruce: No, it's a COUNSELING session. As in TALKING things out. As in NO VIOLENCE.

Joker: *shrug* I'm sure we can work some violence in somewhere!

*Joker and Bruce sit down on two big fluffy couches*

Joker: *swigs feet back and forth* Soooo… who's gonna be running this little 'therapy session'?

Crane: *pops out of no where* I am! :D

Rachel: Um, weren't you locking up for mentally abusing your patients, Crane?

Crane: *turns to Rach* Yea, so? It's not like I can screw these two up any more than they already are. *turns back* Anyway, on to the counseling! What do you think of the person opposite you?

Bruce: *stares at Joker* …He's a twisted, chaos-loving LOON that dresses as a clown and maims peoples FACES for fun. Need I say more?

Joker: Oh, and YOU should really be talking! You're a ka-zillionaire playboy that dresses up as a bat at night and hunts down criminals using a bunch of high-techy stuff and a weird, deep voice. *imitates deep voice* AND, the only way you could ever get away with it was with the help of two old men! One word for YOU my friend: PATHETIC! *bursts into spontaneous laughter*

Crane: Uh… okay. *shrug* And why do you think you feel this way about this person…?

Bruce: *incredulous* Because he's a twisted chaos-loving MANIAC THAT DRESSES LIKE A CLOWN AND CHOPS PEOPLE UP FOR FUN! Is that reason enough for you?!

Joker: Because it's fun to make fun of him and see what crazy act of violence he comes up with next.

Everyone: *stare*

Joker: *mischievous grin*

Crane: *hesitant to ask next question* … And what do you think would be the best way to change these hostile emotions…?

Bruce: *throws arms in air* LOCK HIM IN THE LOONY BIN!

Joker: *lays back on couch in boredom* Hey, I'm not the one being hostile here! I'm just havin' a little fun! *giggle*

Gordon: Well that solved a total of nothing…

Hailey: Onward with the dares! Let's have Scaredycrow read one. *hands dare*

Crane: *adjusts glasses* Well, this dare is from** sugarhype.**

**Hihi! I've got a handful of dares for all y'all!**

**1: The charachters must dress up and act as the following people for ONE HOUR!**

**Joker: Sweeney todd**

**Bruce: Willy Wonka (Depp version)**

**Harvey: Edward Scissorhands**

**Gordon: Capitan Jack sparrow**

**Rachel: Victor Van Dort (from corpse bride!)**

**Fox: Morton Rainey**

**Hailey: Pick any other Johnny Depp charachter I haven't listed!**

**2: poof Up the deppster himself, and I dare all of the charachters to act like ADORING RABID FANGIRLS! **

**3: I dare the Joker to kiss me w/ tounges and declare to the world what I taste like from the top of a very tall building!**

**Lots of love! -sugarhype**

Joker: *claps* Now THIS is my kind of character! *puts on Sweeney Todd costume (including awesome hairdo)*

Bruce: *puts on Willy Wonka costume* Is it just me… or does Johnny Depp always look like some Michael Jackson-ish molester in this movie?

Harvey: *tries on Edward Scissorhands outfit and examines hands* Hm, now I can cut my wrists more effectively as I mourn the loss of my wig….

Gordon: I LOVE THIS MOVIE! *puts on Jack Sparrow outfit* YARR! :D

Rachel: *squeezes into Victor Van Dort costume* This guy is so freakishly SKINNY!

Fox: *puts on Mort Rainey outfit* I feel so… grungy… *grimace*

Hailey: Hmm… I think I'm gonna be the Mad Hatter!! *swoops on Mad Hatter hat* (Okay, so maybe Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton isn't out yet, but I love Tim Burton and Depp is playing the Hatter so why not?)

Deppster: *poofs suddenly into room, wearing nothing but an old T-shirt and boxers with a toothbrush in his mouth, looking very confused*

Everyone: JOOOOHHHHNNNNYYYY!!!!! :D *adoring fangirl tackle/dog pile*

Depp: WHAT THE-!! *is tackled to ground*

Bruce: WE LOVE YOUUU!!!! *hugs Deppster to the point of being incapable to breathe*

Depp: Yea yea, that's great! But who ARE YOU? *struggles to get out from under dog-pile, toothbrush still in mouth*

Joker: *begins to cut off large lock of Depp's hair (not too carefully) for a keepsake*

Crane: *suddenly right in front of Depp's face* WE ARE YOUR RABID FANGIRLS. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Hailey: *drags Depp out from under pile, who is missing a large chunk of hair* I would run. WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

Depp: *scrambles for back door, dropping toothbrush in rush to escape*

Joker: Waaiiitt!!! You forgot your TOOTHBRUSH! *hurls toothbrush at closing back door, sticking into wood like a throwing knife*

Gordon: *brushes self off* Now that THAT humiliation is over, let's move on and finish up this dare.

Hailey: Sure thing! *poofs** sugarhype **into room* Joker? *gives stern look*

Joker: *giggle* Okie dokie! *is grabbed by **sugarhype** into passionate kiss*

Hailey: *plugs headphones into (brand new!) iPod and listens to Linkin Park at full blast, humming loudly*

Joker: *pulls back awkwardly* Hmm… *climbs to top of Wayne Enterprises Building* SUGARHYPE TASTES LIKE… *dramatic pause* PECANS!

Harvey: I was expecting sugar….

Joker: *shrug* Well, that too. On to the dares!!

Hailey: *unplugs iPod* We done? Okay! This dare is by **Damriscotta.**

**LOL! This is funniest thing I've ever read!!**

**I dare The Joker to sing I'm a Barbie Girl in front of everyone in Gotham!**

Joker: *pause* …That's a new one.

Harvey: Go on then, clown! Here, I'll even give you the beat! *clicks 'play' on hot pink Barbie stereo and happy, bubbly dance music comes on*

Rachel: …Where did you get that? *points at Barbie stereo*

Harvey: *wraps arms protectively around stereo* It's mine!

Bruce: *shakes head* I always knew the guy was gay… but THIS….

Joker: *strikes pose* I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie wooooorld. Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywheeeeeere. Imagination, life is your creation!

Everyone: Come on Barbie, let's go party!

Joker: Ah, ah, ah, yeeeeaaa!

Everyone: Come on Barbie, let's go party!

Joker: Oooo! Oooo!

Everyone: Come on Barbie, let's go party!

Joker: I think I'm going to be sick… *shoots stereo*

Harvey: NOOO!! *throws self onto dead remains of Barbie stereo with sob*

Hailey: *collapses in pile of relief* I don't think I could have made it much longer…. *looks at watch* Oh my, we're almost out of time! We'll have one last dare before we go, though. Why don't you read this time Joker?

Joker: *cackle* Right away! This is by **sound-ninja-2008.**

**This is really funny. First of all, since Harvey is being such an emo, both Harvey and Crane have to hug meh, just because they're both hawt. Second, the Joker must go on a date with Hailey and Rachel, and it's all one date on one night. Candle light dinner, and after that (this is optional), a little bit of "action".**

**~Helen**

Harvey: *still sobbing from loss of Barbie stereo, throws self into Helen's arms* HOLD ME!!

Crane: *blush* U-um, I'm not exactly a 'touchy-feely' person...

Harvey: *drags Crane into hug*

Crane: *hugs Helen carefully, blushing*

Hailey: *dies inside* On a date… with the Joker…. *drool*

Rachel: And ME, remember? *looks annoyed*

Hailey: *dreams are shattered*

Joker: *chuckle* Eh, well the 'candle-lit dinner' isn't exactly my style, but I'll try to prevent myself from getting TOO bored. *twirls knife*

Bruce: *sigh* You know, I would try to stop you… but it's not going to make a difference is it?

Joker: *grins* Not a chance, Batsy! *cackle*

*poofs into dimly-lit fancy restaurant with some random hard-to-pronounce French name*

Rachel: *stops waitress* Excuse me, can we have a table for the clown, his lovesick puppy, and me? *points at Joker and Hailey*

Hailey: *insulted*

Waitress: *smiles big wide fake smile* Do you have an appointment?

Rachel: Um… no?

Waitress: Then leave! *points to exit with big false smile*

Rachel: *looks relieved* Okay then! At least we can say we tried! *tries to run to door*

Hailey: *rolls eyes* Joker, give me your knife.

Joker: But… this is my favorite one… *caresses blade*

Hailey: We'll raid the kitchen or something afterward, just let me borrow it!

Joker: *reluctantly hands over knife*

Hailey: *smiles warmly at waitress* Oh, I'm afraid we really need a table. So, if you could please seat us now?

Waitress: *looks bored* No reservation, no tabl—

Hailey: *whips out knife*

Waitress: …On the other hand, we have a nice table right here in the back!!! *swips 'Reserved' sign off table*

Hailey: *grin* Thank you! *sits down proudly*

Rachel & Joker: *stare*

Joker: *giggle* Got a bit more fight in you then you let on don't you?

Hailey: *blush* Shut up and order.

Rachel: Hm, I'll take the Caesar Salad, please?

Hailey: …I guess I'll take a hamburger. *fails at ordering*

Joker: And I'll have steak, EXTRA rare. *licks lips with grin*

Waitress: *stares at knife still in Hailey's hand* U-u-um… r-right away? *scuffles away*

Joker: Well this place is boring, just a bunch of rich and powerful people…. *face suddenly lights up* That gives me an idea!

*police force suddenly burst through door, followed by smug looking waitress*

Hailey: Can't the police force just stay out of this for ONCE? *groan*

*Hailey, Joker & Rachel dragged off to MCU and locked into cell*

Rachel: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! D: I want my phone call!

Joker: I doubt they'll let you do that after my last trip here! *fit of laughter*

Harvey: *poofs into room in Wonderboy costume* Have no fear, WONDERBOY IS HERE! *heroic pose* C'mon Rachel! *lets Rachel out of cell*

Hailey: Hey! What about US?

Harvey: *flips off Hailey and walks out door with Rachel*

Joker: *giggle* Well that wasn't very nice….

*awkward silence as Hailey and Joker sit next to each other*

Hailey: *clears throat uncomfortably*

Joker: Ah, what the hell. *grabs Hailey and passionately kisses her*

Hailey: *shocked, then slowly wraps arms around Joker's neck*

Bruce: Well I came here to save you two, but you seem to be getting along just fine… *chcukle*

Hailey: *falls off small metal bench* Ow…. *rubs head* Damn you Bruce!

Bruce: Well FINE, if you want to rot in here forever, be my guest! *storms off grumpily*

Hailey: *sigh* It looks like we're going to be here for a while….

Joker: *wink*

Hailey: *smacks Joker* I guess we'll see you all next time on 'Dare the Dark Knight Characters'! Don't be afraid to drop a dare for us. Until next time everybody!

A/N: I know I know I know! I didn't finish all the dares! *shot* DX All the reviews pouring in were especially long this episode, and Christmas has been well… Christmas! Did I tell you all I got Sims 2? And guess who I made first? The Joker! 8D And all the other characters afterward of course. My brother got an Xbox, and in one of the fighting games you can play the Joker… so that distracted me too. *obsessed* XD I'm going to be in Colorado for the next few days, meaning don't expect any updates soon. And for those of you that I didn't get around too: don't worry, I'll make sure to have 'em in the next episode!


	7. Episode Six

**A/N: HERE IT IS! *drops dead of exhaustion* My GOD, this took forever. But I loved doing it!!! The dares you guys think up are genius. Twisted, frightening GENIUS. Well I won't bother you any longer, read away! :D And I'm sorry it took so long. ^_^;)**

Hailey: We're baaaaack! And we're ready to start off the New Year with our craziest episode yet! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, it's been a bit crazy moving and all.

Rachel: Wait, you MOVED? Are you abandoning us?! D:

Harvey: *head snaps up and stares at Hailey hopefully*

Hailey: No no no, the show's still going! My family and I just moved about a week ago, and it's been insane getting used to the new school and house and all.

Harvey: *crumples and sobs* So CLOSE…

Hailey: Soooo, let's move on to the dares shall we? How about you, Dr. Crane?

Crane: Sure! This next dare is from **spaz-ee-tron3000**!

**Hey again! Thanks for using my dares! But now I go some more!**

**I dare...**

**The Joker to brush his teeth. His teeth look like corn and he probably smells like arm pit and burnt poop.**

**A sweet game of Rock Band involving Rachel on drums, Gordon on guitar, Alfred on bass, Fox on vocals. They will play Dragonforce Through the Fire and Flames on hard.**

**Bruce to sit in a bowl of tapioca pudding for 5 mins.**

**Everyone has to give the Joker no attention for 10 mins! Oh dang! Can it be done? Can the Joker handle being ignored?!**

**Sweet fic! I hope it works out with you and you-know-who! Even though he smells like poop.**

Hailey: *sniffs Joker and gags* Ugh, you're right! *shoves toothbrush into Joker's hand* Brush your teeth!

Joker: *pouts at toothbrush* What are you, my mother?!

Hailey: No, I'm the owner of your SOUL. *points at contract* So get brushing!

Joker: *grumbles and begins to brush teeth ferociously*

Hailey: Meanwhile… Rock Band time!!! :D

*magically poofs huge concert stadium complete with theater-sized television hooked up to Rock Band and various instruments*

Hailey: *admires work* I'll never get tired of that…. Places everyone!!! *clicks 'start' button*

Gordon: *stares dumbstruck as notes fly past screen, eyes looking around wildly*

Rachel: *throws drumstick at Gordon* Play, you idiot!

Gordon: *bangs frantically on guitar*

Rachel: *pounds randomly on drums* :D This is FUN!

Fox: *stares at lyrics on piece of paper* What kind of excuse for a song is THIS? In my day I—

Joker: *toothbrush still in mouth* Nobody cares about your day old man!

Alfred: *strumming away happily on bass* I think I'm a bit good at this! *getting 100%*

Fox: *starts wailing lyrics*

Gordon: *uses both hands to slam at guitar strings in a frenzy*

Hailey: *pretends to be adoring fan* OMIGAWD I LUV YOUUU!! ROCK ON!!! *hands in international 'Rock On' symbol*

Joker: *waves toothbrush like conductor's wand in bored fashion*

Crane: *covers ears* IT'S TOO LOUD!!

Hailey: *still acting like adoring fan* LOUDER LOUDER!!!

Crane: *crawls to ginormous power plug and yanks it out*

Everyone: *silence*

Crane: *still deaf from noise* WHAT? IT WAS LOUD!

Rachel: *sigh* Fine… I'll get the tapioca pudding! :D

Bruce: Y'know, I should hate this… But tapioca tastes so GOOD…

Hailey: *poofs bathtub full of tapioca pudding into room* Care to test that? *evil grin*

Bruce: *throws self into tub, only to smack onto the surface with a 'slap'* …Ow. *slowly sinks into tapioca* How long do I have to sit in here again? *squirm*

Joker: *giggle* Five minutes Batsy!

Bruce: *squirms more* But it's getting in uncomfortable places….

Rachel: Just ignore him, Bruce.

Joker: *flicks toothbrush at Rachel, who ignores it as it flies past face*

Hailey: While Bruce enjoys his bath, let's move on! Who wants to read?

Joker: Oh! Oh! *waves hands* Me!!!

Hailey: *looks straight past him* …Anyone? Rachel?

Joker: *frowns and pouts* Hmm….

Rachel: *shrug* Okay! This one's from **Elodie the Scribe**…

**Hey, girl! Your doing good. Even if this thing seems a tad silly, it had me laughing at the sheer insanity of it all. Reminds me of my own weird parodies.**

**Anyway, here's my list of dares:**

**1. I want Rachel to slap herself silly for five minutes nonstop. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about her that makes me want to...uh...STRANGLE HER LITTLE WHINY NECK!--oh. Sorry. I, uh, lost control...**

**2. I want Hailey to make out with EVERYONE else. Don't run out of breath!**

**3. Two Face and Scarecrow MUST cuddle with me. We'll sit on my couch, with Two Face at my left and Scarecrow at my right. They will both put my arms around me, keep me warm, and I sit there and...enjoy myself... :)**

**4. I dare Hailey to introduce the characters to fanfiction, and let them read some fanfiction about themselves. Poor lil' Joker might need a hug after such a traumatizing experience...*wink wink, nudge nudge***

**Speaking of the devil, I think after that big speech, the Joker should give her a "duh" look and go, "I knew." She'll be all sad, but then the Joker will grab her and twirl her around and say, "Why not?" and so they'll be together for the rest of the episode, or as long as you like.**

Rachel: *stare* …Why do I suddenly feel like I'm going to be killed in my sleep?

Joker: *twirls knife* What, you don't already? *cackle*

Everyone: *completely ignores Joker*

Joker: Oh come ON people, it has to have been over 10 minutes by now! *grabs Harvey's wrist and flicks watch* Hm… 2 and a half minutes…. Your watch must be broken!

Rachel: *slaps self carefully* Well, it's only five minutes… *begins to slap self rapidly with both hands*

Hailey: *sigh* Here we go again…. *grabs Alfred and kisses him* Blech! You really DO taste like old people….

Alfred: And you taste like mints and bad coffee.

Hailey: Just go serve your refreshments! C'mere, Two Face! *grabs Harvey by tie and kisses him before pulling new expensive wig over eyes* Ick, I don't even WANT to say what you taste like. Who's next…Rachel?

Rachel: *still slapping self, giggling in hysteria*

Hailey: Uh… I'll get to you later. Bruce!

Bruce: …Yes? *still sitting uncomfortably in tapioca*

Hailey: Get out of the bathtub and come make out with me!

Bruce: ANYTHING to get out of this slime! *scrambles out of tub and pulls Hailey into fierce kiss*

Hailey: Ack! *slaps Bruce* Ew!

Bruce: *rubs cheek* Most chicks like it when I do that…

Hailey: *rolls eyes* Hey, does anyone know where Jonathan Crane is?

Crane: *sitting in corner, happily stabbing voodoo doll of what looks suspiciously like a clown dressed in purple over and over*

Fox: Uh… Mister Crane..?

Crane: *head snaps up and hastily hides doll* W-what?!

Hailey: C'mere, you! *leans over and plants kiss on Crane*

Crane: *utterly bewildered*

Hailey: *wipes mouth* Okay, I'm just going to stop now before I get mono. *poofs Harvey and Crane onto **Elodie the Scribe**'s couch* You guys have fun!

Harvey: *whimpers as **Elodie** snatches wig and puts it on Crane's head*

Crane: *ignores her and continues to stab Joker voodoo doll while muttering various morbid words under breath*

Elodie: *snuggles in and enjoys herself*

Hailey: It makes me so happy to bring joy to my reviewers! Meanwhile, let me introduce you to the wonderful world we fans like to call "fanfiction"!!! :D

Everyone: *stares nervously as Hailey rakes through piles of fanfiction*

Hailey: *holds up paper and giggles in singsong voice* Got one!!! Alfred, this one's for you! *snigger under breath* (…And for the pure embarrassment of Bruce and Gordon…)

Alfred, Bruce & Gordon: *stare in horror as Hailey reads fanfiction*

**(take "( )"'s away from the ' . ' Between fanfiction and net!)**

(.)net/s/4677773/1/If_You_Cant_Stand_The_Heat_Stay_Out_Of_The_Kitch

Gordon and Bruce: *glance awkwardly at each other and scoot away*

Alfred: *horrified expression frozen in place*

Hailey: *playfully slaps Alfred's arm* Aw, c'mon old man! You gotta admit they wrote your point of view pretty well! *turns to remaining stacks of fanfiction and grins* Hm… my next victim…. Here we are! *grabs Jokachel fanfiction*

Rachel: *horror* NOT THAT! *tries to snatch paper*

Hailey: *skips out of reach and begins to read*

**(same "( )" deal here!)**

(.)net/s/4683004/1/A_Day_Off

Rachel: *stares at Joker in disbelief*

Bruce: *stares at Rachel in disbelief*

Joker: *giggles and skips around Rachel teasingly* I wuv you TOO sweetcheeks!

Rachel: *eyes wide in shock, continues to stare into space*

Hailey: *giggles and claps hands in glee* This is TOO much fun! *skips back to pile and snatches one off top* Oooo, this is one of my favorites! Not much potential for humiliation… but it'll do! *poofs Harvey and Crane back into room, both with various kiss marks all over face*

*in the distance, a small whimper of loss can be heard from Elodie*

**(Get rid of "( )"'s again!)**

(.)net/s/4617680/1/Beautiful_Geeks_and_Circus_Freaks

Crane: Why am I always the weak, overemotional moody one in fanfiction?! *sobs*

Joker: *twirls around in purple coat* Who DOESN'T love purple?!

Hailey: *looks carefully through remaining pile before selecting enormous fanfiction from bottom of pile* This last fanfiction is perhaps the best Dark Knight fanfiction I have EVER read, so pay it respect or DIE. *glares*

Everyone: *looks at paper in respect/fear/hatred/curiosity*

**(A/N: Though this is my favorite fanfiction ever, this also may be the LONGEST, so I'm warnin' you! But it's amazing; you should really read it. SERIOUSLY. And don't forget to take out "( )"'s!!!)**

(.)net/s/4579066/1/Jeremiahs_Well

Bruce: *eye twitches in horror* …Locked in a cell in Arkham… next door to YOU?! *stares at Joker* …FOREVER?!

Joker: *dances around Bruce* Oh, come on Batsy! It'd be FUN! We could be buddies! :D

Bruce: *jumps into Rachel's arms* HOLD ME! D:

Rachel: *drops Bruce and rolls eyes* Let's just go on to the next dare, mkay?

Hailey: Right on! How about Fox reads next?

Fox: *clears throat* Our next minute of madness is brought to you by **takara410.**

**love it i dare joker and rachel to act out from the titanic scene before the boy freezes in the water to kiss her and fake drown**

Hailey: *gasp* You mean Jack Dawson played by Leonardo DiCaprio and Rose DeWitt Bukater played by Kate Winslet in the 1997 award-winning Titanic which still holds the title of the highest grossing movie EVER?!

Rachel: OMIGAWD I GET TO KISS LEONARDO DICAPRIO? *faints dramatically*

Hailey: Noooo, better! You get to kiss the Joker while he PRETENDS to be Leonardo DiCaprio! :D

Rachel: *wildest fantasies shatter into a million pieces*

Joker: *looks disappointed* Aw, who would want to play that wuss?

Hailey: *shoves Joker and Rachel into freezing water* Just do it!!

Rachel: *shriek* IS THE FREEZING WATER REALLY NECESSARY?

Joker: *splashes around happily*

Hailey: *smacks on Director's Hat* Aaaaand… ACTION! *snaps black/white movie scene starter thingamabob*

Rachel: *clings to Joker dramatically* I love you, Jack!

Joker: *suddenly gets into character* Don't you do that. Don't you say your goodbyes, not yet. Do you understand me?

Rachel: *shudders dramatically* I'm so cold.

Joker: *shivers violently and helps Rachel cling to tiny plank of wood* Listen, Rose, you're gonna get outta here, you're gonna go on and you're gonna make lots of babies and you're gonna watch 'em grow. You're gonna die an old, old lady warm in her bed, not here. Not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?

Rachel: I can't feel my body.

Joker: *shakes from cold* W-winning that ticket, Rose, was the best t-thing that ever happened to me. It brought m-me to you and I'm thankful for that, Rose. I-I'm thankful. You m-must… you must… you must do me this honor, you must p-promise me that you'll s-survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how… hopeless. P-Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

Rachel: I-I p-promise.

Joker: Never let g-go.

Rachel: I'll n-never let go, J-Jack… *kisses Joker softly*

Joker: I l-love you Rose. I always w-will-- *pretends to drown, and scene ends*

Crane: BEAUTIFUL!!! *sob*

Alfred: *claps hands enthusiastically, tears in eyes*

Hailey: *covers sniffles with cough* U-um, great job e-everybody. *wipes eyes hastily* Can someone hurry up ad drag the Joker out of the water? I don't think I can handle him dying for real right now!

Bruce: *grabs pool cleaning tool and fishes Joker out while Harvey helps Rachel out of pool*

Hailey: Speed dry time! :D *poofs giant hair dryer into room on 'ultra high'*

Rachel: AGH! *wind blows her back into pool*

Bruce: Weeeeee!!! :D *flaps Batwings and flies around room*

Harvey: *wig flies off* Noooooo!!! *sob*

Hailey: *shuts off hair dryer* I think that outta do it!

Bruce: *winds stops and falls into pool* HOLY F*$% THAT'S COLD! D:

Hailey: Aw, toughen up ya wuss-- *gets shoved in by Harvey* OH MY _GOD_ THAT'S FREEZING!!!

Harvey: *dusts off hands triumphantly* Why don't I just read the next dare for now? This dare is all thanks to **hurricane1714.**

**Very funny. I've thought of a dare. Yes, it was inspired by the Johnny Depp dare. **

**Every one must be a Twilight character of their choice. Cross-dressing is allowed and encouraged. **

**Happy Holidays! **

**P.S. Joker you kicked Jack Nickoles' $$! and Bruce I think you are very sexy and the most BAMF person to ever hit the sliver screen.**

Joker and Bruce: *at same time* Why thank you! *glare at each other*

Gordon: OMG TWILIGHT?! I LUV THAT BOOK! Edward is sooooo HAWT! :D

Everyone: *stare* O_o

Gordon: *clears throat* I, um, what I meant was—you don't get—it's just a good book alright?!

Fox: Oooookay then, shall we begin?

Hailey: Hmm… what to do, what to do…. I think I got it!!!

----------Five seconds later----------

Everyone: O_O

Hailey: *admires work* I think I did quite well! ^_^

**Joker = James**

**Crane = Jacob Black**

**Harvey = Mike Newton**

**Bruce = Edward**

**Rachel = Bella**

**Gordon = Charlie**

**Hailey = Victoria **(I would be Jessica or someone, but I can't stand those annoying 'best friend' roles. Anyway, it's fun to be the psycho. 8D)

**Fox = Carlisle**

**Alfred = …Esme! (There's your daily dosage of cross-dressing for you! :D)**

Crane: Awwww… I wanted to be Esme. ): Why am I the stupid werewolf anyway?!

Hailey: 'Cuz I like Jacob. ^_^ So you should take it as a good sign I gave you that role. Unlike Mike… *glares at Harvey*

Bruce: *looks at self in mirror* I'm Edward Cullen! So you think I look like a sexy vampire? ;D

Hailey: No, I think you look like the dude everyone thought was gay until Bella came along.

Bruce: D:

Joker: *cackle* I could cause so much more chaos if I was a vampire! *wonders at possibilities* Hmm… does anyone know where I can find a vampire willing to bite me?

Harvey: Vampires don't exist, idiot! *shot by Twilight fans armed with machine guns* …Owww…. *whimper*

Alfred: *shifts around uncomfortably in tiny dress* Um, might we move on now, Miss Hailey? I think I can feel a breeze… *pulls down on dress*

Hailey: Sounds all right by me! How about Bruce?

Bruce: *sigh* Okay, the blame for this dare goes to **LoopyLuna89.**

**OMG! I totally love this story I had to shove my face into a pillow to keep from laughing to loud. I have four dares;**

**1) I dare the Joker to go to a day care and pick up the first baby girl and raise her as his own.**

**2) I dare Gordon to tell Sweeny Todd (cause he's my favorite musical character) that Judge Turpin is better than he is.**

**3) I dare Harvey to dress up as Rocky from Rocky Horror Picture Show.**

**4) I would like to dare Hailey to go around singing songs from Beauty and the Beast while jumping onto the backs of all the characters.**

Joker: *mock gasp* Oh! I always WANTED to be a father!

Bruce: *horrified* You can't kidnap a CHILD!

Joker: Aw, come on Batsy, you're no fun. Fine, I'll pick one from an adoption center. Feel better? *pouts*

Bruce: *sigh* No, not really…

Joker: Touch luck. Let's go! :D *Joker drags everyone down to Gotham Adoption Center* Hmmm… *wanders around children*

Children: *burst into tears at sight of Joker*

Crane: They look so… innocent. And helpless. And abandoned alone in the big, cruel world with not a hope in the world…-- *begins to mumble self-pityingly*

Hailey: O_o Someone has trust problems….

Joker: *leans over little girl's shoulder and grins* Whatcha' drawing there?

Little Girl: I'm drawing a house. *looks up at Joker and smiles sweetly* …On fire.

Joker: We got ourselves a winner! Welcome to the team, kid! *shakes girl's hand vigorously*

Bruce: *whisper to Harvey* I give her three hours max, before she makes a break for it.

Harvey: I think she's got what it takes; you wanna make a bet on that? How about $100?

Bruce: You are SO on.

Hailey: *poofs everyone (including girl) back into room* Next dare! Hey, you wanna read one? *hands dare to girl*

Little Girl: *gives disturbing giggle* Okaaaay! This dare is from **The King of Soda.**

**LOL not offended. I just thought it'd be OoC. But here's my latest batch! If you want to save some for later fine.**

**I dare Gordon to blow up the MCU! And the Joker must be the one supplying the bombs!**

**I dare five random characters to be doused with fuel, and three to be set on fire, which should be totally random.**

**I dare the Joker to act perfectly sane for the rest of the episode.**

**I dare everyone to go to some unknown desert in the middle of nowhere and build... an igloo!**

**I dare Harvey to fly off a cliff.**

**I dare everyone except Harvey and Rachel to spray Windex on grime-covered windows! (If you've seen Dane Cook, you'll know what I'm talking about ;)**

**I dare Fox, Gordon, and Bruce to build my own personal pyramid for when I die.**

**I dare everyone to randomly switch bodies for the rest of the episode, except for Hailey of course.**

**I dare the Joker to choose who he wants to meet: Majin Buu, Hexadecimal, or the Green Goblin?**

**I dare BRUCE to set half his face on fire, not HARVEY. And, it has to be the side of HIS choosing.**

**A/N: Is Hailey's worst fear telling the Joker I Love You? lol**

Hailey: Hey, can you blame me?! His way of rejecting someone is stabbing them to death!

Joker: *cackle* It's true! *shoves bombs into Gordon's arms* Have fun!

Gordon: D: B-but… all my files! And records! And equiptment!

Hailey: *shoves Gordon along* A dare is a dare, Gordy!

Gordon: *throws bomb feebly and blows up a wall* There! :D That should do it!

Joker: *growl* Give me those! *snatches bombs* THIS is how you do it! *throws all bombs at once and completely destroys MCU*

Hailey: *sneaks up behind everyone and douses them with fuel*

Rachel: HEY! I thought we were only supposed to douse five people!

Hailey: *evil grin* Aww, what's the fun in THAT? *strikes match and throws at Rachel*

Rachel: *slow motion* NOOOOOOO… *dives out of way as match flies past head and hits Bruce*

Bruce: *bursts into flame* OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD HELP ME! *sprints around room flailing arms and accidentally runs into Crane*

Crane: STOP DROP ROLL! *falls down and immediately begins rolling all over floor, tripping Joker and setting him on fire*

Joker: *cackles and proceeds to skip after Hailey, who runs for her life*

Alfred: Master Wayne! D: *throws random refreshments on Bruce in an useless attempt to put out flame*

Bruce: *still running, collides with Harvey*

Harvey: HOLD ME!!! *jumps into Rachel's arms causing her to burst into flames and fall back into Gordon, who crashes through a window and falls to his death before sprinklers finally turn on and put out the fiery chaos*

Hailey: *revives Gordon then looks at self* Heeey, I'm ALIVE! :D

Joker: Yes, it does seem to appear that the fuel-driven flames have not burned you.

Everyone: *stare* O_o

Crane: Did you—did you just sound intelligent?!

Joker: *looks bored* Well, I don't know about that assumption, but I AM sane.

Hailey: *horrified* NO! D8 *grabs Joker's coat* YOU ARE NOT SANE YOU HEAR ME?!

Joker: *gently pries Hailey off coat* Yes, I am, and I would prefer you don't randomly grab my coat. It's expensive.

Rachel: *raises eyebrow* You care about MONEY?

Joker: Well of course I do, it is after all how the human race maintains society, and I'm no exception.

Hailey: *sobs* We've lost him!

Bruce: *can't believe what he's hearing* …So what are your views on killing for fun, Joker?

Joker: *disgusted* Who would kill for fun? It's barbaric. And please, call me Jack, 'the Joker' is so _childish_.

Hailey: *covers ears* Stop stop stop stop STOP! *poofs everyone into deserts with huge hunk of ice* Just build a fricking igloo will you?!

Fox: Well, I did intern in the Artic back in the day, if we work fast-- *begins to ramble*

"Jack" (Joker): *sigh* Why even attempt this? It really is pointless.

Hailey: *slaps Joker* I said stop talking! There's already enough people trying to talk sense around here, I don't need YOU too!

Crane: *studies rapidly melting block of ice* Hmm… if my calculations are correct, tapping it on the lower surface face near the small crack on the top side should create a crack that would-- *mumbles more calculations* …HERE! :D *points at tiny crack on surface of ice block* Quick, give me a chisel!

Hailey: *poofs chisel into Crane's hand*

Crane: *taps chisel lightly into crack with a 'ping!'*

*entire hunk of ice collapses into perfect igloo, hollow inside and all*

Crane: TA DAH!

Everyone: *stare*

Gordon: You're just FULL of surprises aren't you?

Hailey: *shrugs* Doesn't really matter, because now we get to watch Harvey throw himself off a cliff!! 8D

Harvey: *sighs* I was going to do this anyway… *throws self off nearby desert cliff*

Hailey: *claps happily* I love it when he splatters! ^_^

"Jack": *revolted* How could you _enjoy_ such a display?

Hailey: *ignores* Well, I don't know what your talking about, (though I LOVE Dane Cook!) so we'll just skip that. Fox! Bruce! Gordon! Time to build a pyramid!

Bruce: Nothing is beyond the Batman! *strikes heroic pose* This'll be done in no time!

Gordon: Bruce, pyramids can take DECADES to build!

Fox: Not the mention their enormous size takes dozens of men to lift a single block!

Bruce: Psh, what are you talking about?! I'm already DONE! :D *holds up tiny Lego pyramid*

Gordon: *shrug* Okay! Saves us a decade of work I guess! *hands pyramid to **The King of Soda***

"Jack": *considers possibilities* Hm, preferably, I would choose to meet none of them. They are half-crazed villains, and therefore not worth my time. But, if I _had to_ meet one, I would say the Green Goblin. I think his 'pumpkin bombs' are rather creative.

Harvey: *pumps fist in air* WHOO!!! Time to say 'bye-bye' to your FACE, Wayne!!! *evil cackle*

Bruce: Wait!!! Okay, I've always liked the right side of my face better, so I guess I'll choose the lef—

Harvey: The RIGHT SIDE it is then!!! *torches right side of Bruce's face with blow torch*

Bruce: *screams* NOOOO!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!

Harvey: *maniac laugh* So you FELL THE PAIN Wayne?! Do you finally know what I WENT THROUGH that day?!

Rachel: Wasn't it ME you were screaming over that day? *hands on hips*

Harvey: *pauses* Uhh… that too..?

Rachel: *growls and advances on Harvey*

Hailey: *jumps in* Whoa whoa whoa! Let's be friendly shall we? Next dare, anyone? How about… "Jack"? *forces word out from between teeth*

"Jack": *restrains giggle*

Hailey: *head snaps up* …Jack…?

"Jack": *covers mouth and turns away, giggling hysterically*

Hailey: JOKER! 8D

Joker: *bursts into fit of laughter, barely able to breathe* Being sane… is SO… BORING!!! *laughs again* I need to go kill someone now! *runs out door*

Hailey: That's my boy!! Okay then, Gordon can you read this time?

Gordon: Sure thing, this dare is from** BlacAngel**…

**Haha, that last episode had me in stitches! And my devious little mind has come up with some more cringe-worthy dares! (thanks for using my other dare, by the way):**

**1. Batman/ Bruce must put on a leopard print catsuit, and sing Shania Twain's song, "man, I feel like a woman", with the rest of the male cast backing dancing (there outfits must be matching leather mini-shirts, black boob-tubes and black and silver pom-poms.**

** must put on a bright pink wig over his now bald head, a red Lycra catsuit and sing Britney Spears song, "oops, I did it again", with appropriate sexual dance routines. Backing dancers required, in the same outfits as before.**

**3. Lastly, Hailey and the Joker must sing a duette to the song, "I wanna know what love is".**

**4. Rachel can be a cheering fangirl who cheers and faints appropriately.**

**hehe, enjoy your dares everyone! *laughs evilly, lightning flashes and thunder booms***

**BlacAngel.**

Hailey: Okay, **BlacAngel** is officially a sick GENIUS! (I'm not playing favorites here, I just worship her dares because they're the exact same things I would dare someone if someone else had made this! xD)

Bruce: I will ONLY wear a leopard print catsuit… if it's pink. *winks at Rachel*

Rachel: *smacks forehead and shakes head*

Bruce: Cue music! :D

*lights go black and music begins*

Bruce: Let's go girls! *spot light turns onto Bruce in bright pink leapord-print catsuit and back up dancers Harvey, Crane, Joker, Gordon, Alfred and Fox*

http://www . / watch?v=QHbdC1U1EaE

**(TAKE OUT SPACES IN LINK!)**

_I'm going out tonight - I'm feelin' alright _

_Gonna let it all hang out _

_Wanna make some noise- really raise my voice _

_Yeah, I wanna scream and shout _

_No inhibitions - make no conditions _

_Get a little outta line _

_I ain't gonna act politically correct _

_I only wanna have a good time _

_The best thing about being a woman _

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... _

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy - forget I'm a lady _

_Men's shirts - short skirts _

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild - yeah, doin' it in style _

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction _

_Color my hair - do what I dare _

_Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free - yeah, to feel the way I_

_Feel _

_Man! I feel like a woman! _

_The girls need a break - tonight we're gonna take _

_The chance to get out on the town _

_We don't need romance - we only wanna dance _

_We're gonna let our hair hang down _

_The best thing about being a woman _

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... _

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy - forget I'm a lady _

_Men's shirts - short skirts _

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild - yeah, doin' it in style _

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action - feel the attraction _

_Color my hair - do what I dare _

_Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free - yeah, to feel the way I_

_Feel _

_Man! I feel like a woman! _

_I get totally crazy _

_Can you feel it _

_Come, come, come on baby _

_I feel like a woman_

Rachel: *screams like a fangirl and faints dramatically*

Hailey: *eye twitches* e_O

Crane: *looks at self* You know, I kind of like this outfit. I might keep it…

Harvey: *squirms into red Lyrca catsuit* This thing fits me in ALL the wrong places…. Oh well!! :D Backup dancers READY!

*lights dim and annoying music begins*

http://www . / watch?v=unBACOHFXes

**(Take out spaces, again!)**

Harvey: *whips hair around in slow motion and gives sultry stare*

_I think I did it again._

_I made you believe_

_We're more than just friends._

_Oh, baby;_

_It might seem like a crush,_

_But it doesn't mean_

_That I'm serious._

_'Cause to lose all my senses..._

_That is just so typically me._

_Oh, baby; baby._

Harvey: *belly dances across stage* Oops I did it again! 8D

Rachel: *fans self and screams in fangirlish manner* OMIGAWD!

_I played with your heart._

_Got lost in the game._

_Oh, baby; baby._

_Oops!_

_... You think I'm in love._

_That I'm sent from above..._

_I'm not that innocent._

Hailey: *smacks hand over eyes* Dear LORD! *unplugs sound system*

Harvey: *hands on hips* Party pooper!

Hailey: I just… couldn't take it. *shudder*

Joker: Now it's OUR turn! *drags Hailey onto stage*

Hailey: W-what?! NO! *hides from crowd* I can't _sing! *_glances at lyrics* WAIT a second, I'm singing THIS?!

Crane: *presses 'play' button anyway, and music begins*

**(Spaces. Get rid of 'em!)**

http://www . / watch?v=z9OGfBGOCpk

Joker: *sings flawlessly*

I gotta take a little time

A little time to think things over

Hailey: And what IS IT with these people and their flawless singing?! *sigh* You asked for it!

_I better read between the lines_

_In case I need it when Im older_

Joker: _Now this mountain I must climb_

_Feels like a world upon my shoulders_

_I through the clouds I see love shine_

_It keeps me warm as life grows colder_

Hailey:_ In my life theres been heartache and pain_

_I dont know if I can face it again_

Joker:_ Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far_

_To change this lonely life_

Joker and Hailey:_ I wanna know what love is_

_I want you to show me_

_I wanna feel what love is_

_I know you can show me_

Hailey:_ Im gonna take a little time_

_A little time to look around me_

_Ive got nowhere left to hide_

_It looks like love has finally found me_

Joker:_ In my life theres been heartache and pain_

_I dont know if I can face it again_

Hailey:_ I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far_

_To change this lonely life_

Joker and Hailey:_ I wanna know what love is_

_I want you to show me_

_I wanna feel what love is_

_I know you can show me_

_I wanna know what love is_

_I want you to show me_

_And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is_

_And I know, I know you can show me_

Joker:_ Lets talk about love_

_(I wanna know what love is)_

Hailey:_ the love that you feel inside_

_(I want you to show me) _

Joker:_ and Im feeling so much love_

_(I wanna feel what love is) _

Hailey:_ no, you just cannot hide_

_(I know you can show me) _

Joker:_ yeeeaah!_

Hailey:_ (I wanna know what love is)_

_lets talk about love_

Joker:_ (I want you to show me)_

_I wanna feel it too_

_(I wanna feel what love is)_

_I want to feel it too_

Hailey:_ And I know and I know, I know you can show me_

Joker:_ Show me love is real, yeah!_

Hailey and Joker:I wanna know what love is...

Hailey: *collapses* That was… the LONGEST… song I have ever sang before! *pants for breath* Can someone… read the next… dare?

Alfred: I would be happy to assist. The next dare is by **Holly Quinn.**

**Okayz. Here is my list o' dares. I'm warning you, it's pretty long.**

**1. Bruce has to run Hailey over with a 'large utility vehicle'.**

**2. Rachel has to resurrect her from the dead.**

**3. Joker has to kiss ME passionately for at least a full minute.**

**4. Hailey HAS to watch. (HaHa. You asked for it.)**

**5. Fox has to make the new -coughs to stifle laughter- 'catsuit' in three seconds flat. (No poofing it into existence)**

**6. Bruce has to paint the catsuit pink.**

**7. Joker gets to decorate it however he wants to with sharpies (any color)**

**8. Bruce takes the Joker on a date lasting a full hour. WHILE wearing the catsuit.**

**9. Bryan gets to dress the Joker up in the batsuit and dangle him (by the neck) off an abnormally large building and NOT kill him. (Bryan needs revenge, but if he kills him, HE DIES! AGAIN!)**

**10. Everyone who has been mentioned in this fic so far has a giant party and everyone gets drunk. Including Ghosts.**

**This shall be funny. Toodles! **

**-Holly Quinn.**

Hailey: *shrugs* Yea, I guess I asked for it. I knew SOMETHING had to be coming. Hit me with your best shot Brucie!

Bruce: *jumps into large utility vehicle* WHOOOO! :D *runs over Hailey*

Rachel: *dressed in Pope's robe and hat, begins to mumble prayers over Hailey's squashed body*

Hailey: *pops up* What are you waiting for? I said HIT ME!

Bruce: *snicker* Okay!! *revs up engine*

Rachel: *throws arms up* NO! Hailey, you already died. I brought you back to life. *points at clothes with 'duh' expression*

Hailey: …Oh. *brushes self off* WELL then! *poofs **Holly Quinn** into room and points accusingly at her* DO NOT think I will let you do this again. *shoves Joker at Holly and waits patiently*

Joker: *ponders* You know, your name reminds me of someone… can't quite put my finger on it…. Ah, who really cares! *grabs Holly by back of neck and kisses passionately, tongues and all*

Hailey: *sighs and forces self to watch* I am _SO_ going to kill you for this later….

Joker: *pulls away after minute or so, and untangles Holly's fingers from hair* Have a nice day! *giggles and shoves Holly out door*

Fox: How am I supposed to make a… 'catsuit'… in three seconds?!

Hailey: I got an idea! *poofs remote control/time traveling device into Fox's hand* Just press that pause button there, and it'll freeze time! (Yay for loopholes! 8D)

Fox: *studies control* Hmm… *presses button and split second later catsuit appears beside him* All done!

Bruce: *grabs catsuit and dyes pink* Perfect!

Joker: *snatches catsuit* NOT quite! *opens purple, green and red sharpies with evil grin*

Bruce: Awww… *looks away*

Joker: *cackles and proceeds to draw psycho-smilies, 'HaHaHa''s, and little buck-toothed bats all over entire suit* Oh, you'll look simply SMASHING! *hands catsuit to Bruce*

Bruce: *stares in horror*

Joker: Oh, COME ON Catsy! *shoves catsuit on Bruce's head and drags him to fancy restaurant (the very same Rachel, Hailey and Joker went to)*

Waitress: Hello! May I take your ord-- *sees Joker* O_O …YOU.

Joker: *tries to look innocent* …What? Me?

Waitress: *backs away* You were the one with the PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND!

Joker: *giggles* Now, let's not start calling people names!

Waitress: Just stay away!!! *flees*

Bruce: *pause* …Do I want to know?

Joker: She had a little encounter with Hailey.

Bruce: Ooooh… *nods in understanding*

Joker: *starts carving smiley faces into table*

Bruce: *smacks hand* Stop that!

Joker: *pouts childishly* Make me.

Bruce: *snatches knife from Joker* I jus DID.

Joker: *snaps fingers* Oh no you DIDN'T.

Bruce: *rolls eyes like diva*

Joker: *growls* THAT'S IT! *dives at Bruce and tackles to floor*

Bruce: *sissy slap fight ensues* OW! BIOTCH!

Joker: Oh like YOU should be talking! *slaps viciously*

Bruce: I am BATMAN! I can be a biotch if I WANT TO BE! *still slapping*

Joker: So what, just 'cuz you dress up like a BAT means your, like, Queen Bee? I am SOOOO out of here! *makes annoyed noise and struts from room*

Hailey: Welcome back Joker! ^_^ How'd it go?

Joker: *growls*

Hailey: Um… okay. Party time!!! :D *poofs balloons, bouncy castles, and ginormous magical barrel of alcohol that never empties*

Crane: OMG BOUNCY CASTLE! 8D *jumps*

Joker: *begins popping balloons happily*

Bruce: *sticks face under barrel spout and gulps alcohol*

Rachel: *pokes ghosts of Bruce's parents curiously*

Harvey: *pops bouncy castle, which deflated on top of Crane*

Crane: Help! *flails in deflated bouncy house* Can't… breathe!!!

Hailey: *snatches Harvey's wig and runs away giggling as Harvey feebly chases her*

Alfred: *continually serves drinks to all*

Gordon: *whispers to Fox* Hey, whatever happened to that little girl? I remember she read that dare, then I don't remember seeing her again.

Fox: *shrugs* Beats me. Hopefully, she's back at that adoption center. Where she belongs.

---------- Three Hours Later ----------

Crane: *passed out on top of deflated bouncy castle, empty beer bottle in hand and puddle of drool on floor*

Bruce: *hiccups sleepily underneath barrel spout, which is leaking slowly on his head*

Rachel: *asleep on Harvey with wig on head, wine glass drooping lazily in hand*

Harvey: *bald (with a tiny bit of fuzz now) and snoring loudly in corner of room*

Joker: *passed out in pile of popped balloons with (unconscious) Hailey curled up beside him, giggling a bit in his sleep*

Alfred: *collapsed from exhaustion in fold-out chair off to the side*

Fox and Gordon: *lying on floor with beer cans scattered around them, both asleep*

Ghost of Bruce's Parents: *floating idly around ceiling half-consciously, hiccupping sleepily*

Little Girl: *sitting cross-legged next to large window, giggling as she watches a building down the street burn to the ground*

**A/N: God, I didn't even come CLOSE to finishing all the dares. I've been working on this chapter all week, and I don't even know if I've caught up to all the dares I should have done LAST episode! I'm really sorry everyone, but could you all mind holding off on the dares for a bit while I catch up? I'm just going to get all these other dares that have stacked up out of the way, then we can continue as usual.**

**Also, I'm changing one tiny rule for the dares, because this thing was a THOUSAND times more successful than I could have ever dreamed! It would be awesome if you all could limit your dares to two or three dares per post, because I feel sort of bad that I take up so much time performing all the dares from some people, then only spending a second on some of the smaller dares.**

**Lastly, who IS this infamous Little Girl? The Joker adopted her, she disappeared, and suddenly she returns and a building is on fire? Is this just a coincidence, or is this little girl set on causing chaos? Again, YOU the reviewers will decide! Go to my profile page and you can vote!**

**Hope you all aren't too disappointed. DX If you have any questions just send me a PM! And I just want to say again, I LOVE you all for being so supportive! Thank you thank you THANK YOU! *hands out 'thank you' cookies to reviewers* None of this would have become a reality without your help!**


	8. Episode Seven

Author's Note: *poofs back into existence* HELLO MY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS! 8D It'll be amazing if anyone actually still follows this thing… I've been gone for over a month! But if you are reading this, thank you! I know I should probably tell you all the reason I've been gone for so long, so here it is: I'm lazy. So there you have it! ;D

…I'll just shut up now and begin Episode 7.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Hailey: *grabs announcer mircophone* Helloooo and WELCOME to the seventh episode of "Dare The Dark Knight Characters!" *cheesy sitcom cheers and applause* Without further ado, here's the first dare!

Alfred: *clears throat* This dare is from** StrangeroftheNight.**

**This is hi-freakin-larious!**

**On to the dares!**

** Gordan(Jim's son) has to try to stab Harvey as he runs like a chicken with his head cut off.**

** Joker has to propose to Hailey and get married on Halloween**

** and Rachel have to have a supersoaker war with Gordon and the people at MCU**

** has to wear a neon pink wig**

** has to skip through a meadow filled with flowers and butterfly's singing any girly song**

** and Fox get to relax and drink tea because they are the best.**

**Good Luck,**

**SotN**

Gordon: Why do you have to drag my SON into this? HAVEN'T YOU TWISTED PEOPLE ALREADY HAD ENOUGH?!

Joker: Nope! *smiles innocently*

James Gordon: *poofs into room, looking confused* …Daddy? *spots Harvey and stops* YOU.

Harvey: O_O

James Gordon: *grabs knife from Joker*

Harvey: *runs for life, squawking like a chicken and flapping arms frantically*

James Gordon: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! *runs after Harvey waving knife rapidly*

Rachel: …Shouldn't you be doing something about your son? He's going to be charged with murder.

Gordon: *sigh* I guess your right…. *grabs knife from James and throws it at fleeing Harvey, who falls with girlish wail* There we go. Moving on?

Rachel: *twitch*

Joker: *busy fishing around in many coat pockets* Hmmm… I know it's here somewhere… aHA! *pulls out small square velvet box*

Hailey: *gasps, covering mouth with hands* You didn't.

Joker: *grins with wink* Ooooh, I _did_. *drops down on one knee* I'm not really the kind of man who likes all these, um… "official" things, but why not? Will you, uh, _marry me?_

Everyone: *holds breath and stares at Hailey*

Hailey: *thinks for a moment* Only if you promise not to stab me to death during the honeymoon.

Joker: *cocks head to side with pout* ...So that's a yes?

Hailey: That's a HELL YES. *grabs Joker and kisses him passionately*

Rachel: *turns on Harvey* Why didn't you propose to ME like that, huh? Am I not GOOD ENOUGH, for a real proposal?!

Harvey: *tries to back away* Uh… no! It was because—well…

Rachel: *death glare* I am going to KILL Y—

Gordon: *comes out of nowhere and sprays Rachel with Super Soaker* GOTCHA!

Rachel: *shrieks* Oh, you are GOING DOWN. *whips out Super Soaker* Get over here, Bruce! We're taking this old man DOWN.

*Super Soaker war ensues*

Gordon & Bruce: *collapsed in exhaustion on ground*

Rachel: WHOOOOO!!!! *cackling war cry*

Alfred: *snatches Super Soaker* That's QUITE enough, Miss Dawes!

Rachel: *scowls*

Harvey: *sigh* You know what? Everyone hates me. So I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! *shoves on neon pink wig angrily* …And where's Hailey and Joker?

Hailey & Joker: *still making out*

Dr. Crane: *kicks Joker's shin* There'll be time for that on your honeymoon!!

Hailey: *pulls away and pouts* …Fine. Which reminds me, it's time to dance with the butterflies, Crane!

Crane: O_O …But that has nothing to do with butterflies.

Joker: Exactly! *laughs*

*Crane poofs into huge meadow of poppies and butterflies*

Crane: *shrieks in horror* NO!

Rachel: Sing, Crane, sing!!

Crane: *curls up in fetal position* NO! MAKE THEM GO AWAY!

Hailey: Aw… I almost pity him. :(

Harvey: Don't. You're marrying the Joker, "pity" doesn't work in the equation.

Hailey: True! :D Alfred and Fox, here's your tea! *hands Alfred and Fox tea*

Alfred: *sniffs tea* You didn't let you fiancé touch this, did you?

Hailey: No, you're safe for now! Next dare, Rachel?

Rachel: Well let's see… this dare is by **Miss Interrogative.**

**Crane isn't picked on enough. These dares are all for him:**

**1. I dare Crane to dress up like the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz and sing "We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!"**

**2. I dare Crane to mud wrestle against the Joker.**

**3. And I dare Crane to eat 100 slices of cheddar cheese.**

Crane: *still in meadow of butterflies (who have all landed on him)* YOU THINK I'M NOT PICKED ON ENOUGH?! *breaks down into defeated sobs*

Hailey: *poofs Crane back* EAT CHEESE! :D *shoves cheese in Crane's face*

Crane: B-but… I'm lactose intolerant….

Hailey: Well that sucks. EAT IT! *shoves more cheese in Crane's face*

Crane: ACK! *chokes on cheese and face swells up*

Rachel: *shoves Scarecrow Wizard of Oz costume on Crane's head and shoves him onto yellow brick road* Go go GO!

Crane: *stumbles down yellow brick road* We're off to—*cough* see the—*cough cough cough* WIZARD! *collapses from lack of oxygen*

Joker: *covered in mud* TAKE DOOOOOOWN!!! *randomly tackles Crane*

Crane: *dies from suffocation*

Joker: Well that was fast… I WIN! :D

Hailey: o_0 Yea, I guess so… next dare! Gordy's turn!

Gordon: *adjusts glasses* Hm… this is from **DethRose**!

**Lol! **

**Ok I dare Joker to dress up like Jareth from Labyrinth and sing Dance Magic Dance. At the end of the song stab a pencil into a teddy bear's eye. **

**I dare Alfred, Mr. Fox and Gordon to act like the 3 Stooges.**

**I dare Batman to puke out pea soup and eat it.**

**I dare Rachel to shave her head.**

Hailey: *covers eyes* Do I WANT to see this?

Joker: *giggles* Probably not. But you know you will anyway! ;D *puts on Jareth outfit*

.com/watch?v=8UoG-xQ9Lqc

Joker: *happily stabs teddy bear in eye*

Hailey: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT. O_O *has never seen Labyrinth*

Bruce: *sings to self* Dance magic dance, jump magic jump!


	9. Author's Note

Note from the Author: Sorry guys! I know some of you are probably wondering why Episode Seven was cut off, and why you've been getting all these random messages that don't actually mean anything. XD That's my fault, my computer is freaking out and won't let me ACTUALLY PUBLISH MY GODDAMN EPISODE SEVEN. *takes deep breath*

Anyway, I should have it fixed ASAP, so please be patient! Thank you, and be aware you might get a few more meaningless emails (that's going to be me, testing things out). Thank you! :D

--Hailey


	10. Episode Seven Continued

Author's Note: Sorry everyone, the cut off chapter was my fault. Here's the rest of the chapter….

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Rachel: *smacks hands over eyes* That's going to be stuck in my head FOREVER….

Gordon: *sneaks up behind Alfred and throws pie in his face* HA!

Alfred: I SAY MASTER GORDON! *grabs pie and throws it at Gordon, who ducks and hits Fox*

Fox: *splutters* What was THAT for—! Wait.... Mm! Apple! :D *eats cake off face*

Gordon: *tackles Alfred with pecan pie* TAKE THAT!

Alfred: *deflects pie with serving tray with ninja-like speed* Never underestimate a butler's ability to dodge flying food! *shoves blueberry pie in Gordon's face*

Bruce: *barges into fight* STOP HURTING THE PIE! D: *grabs all the pie and hugs them protectively* They're MIIIINNNNEEEE.

Alfred: *sigh* Whatever you say, Master Wayne.

Harvey: *comes flying out of nowhere* HEEEEEEYAAAA!!!! *flying side kick into Bruce's stomach*

Bruce: Oof! *barfs pea soup*

Harvey: *scoops up pea soup/vomit and shoves it back into Bruce's mouth* EAT it, Bat!

Bruce: *gags and swallows pea soup*

Harvey: *wipes off hands* That was fun.

Joker: *holding shaver* Oh Raaaacheeeel!!!

Rachel: *horror-struck* N-no!!

Joker: *cackle* YES! *attacks Rachel with shears*

---------- Thirty Seconds Later ----------

Rachel: *bald*

Bruce: O.o …You're not pretty anymore. *shoves Rachel at Harvey* Here, you can have her!

Harvey: Ew no! She's BALD. You take her!

Rachel: Like you should be talking!!! *rips hot pink wig off Harvey's head*

Harvey: *shrieks and snatches wig back onto head* Shut up!

Hailey: ANYway…. Read the next dare Bruce! :D

Bruce: These dares are by **Witchy Rain Girl**!

**Hi! Awesome story!**

**Anyways, here are my dares.**

**1) I dare Hailey to melt down her Joker coin and re-shape it into an acorn and feed it to a squirrel.**

**2) I dare everyone to reenact World War 2.**

**3) While reenacting World War 2, I dare Bruce to shoot himself with a bazooka.**

**4) I dare everyone to become surgical interns.**

**5) I dare the Joker to give Bruce brain surgery.**

**Hope these dares work (and yes, I am kind of obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, that's where the WW2 & surgery stuff came from).**

Hailey: *clutches coin (which she made into a necklace)* B-but… it's so pretty…. *strokes Joker coin lovingly*

Crane: *snatches coin and tries to yank it off Hailey's neck, instead strangling her*

Hailey: *makes strangled noise* I'm gonna—KILL YOU—Jonathan Crane!!!

Crane: *finally yanks off coin and shoves it into metal melting machine*

Hailey: What the hell was that for? D:

Crane: …I don't know. But if it wasn't me Harvey would have done it a second later! And you know you won't stay mad at me…. *sly smile*

Hailey: *covers eyes* Don't you try to work your gorgeous looks on me! You're right though… I probably would have beaten the crap out of Dent.

Harvey: I KNEW you hated me. *throws newly-made metal acorn at Hailey* Take your stupid acorn!

Hailey: *sighs and poofs squirrel into room* Good luck. *hands acorn to squirrel who takes it greedily and shoves it down throat… then chokes and dies*

Joker: *giggles and shoots Bruce with WW2 machine gun*

Bruce: AGH! D: *throws on army helmet and hides behind random couch that happens to be there*

Hailey: *grabs large gun* WHOOO!! Let the war BEGIN! *shoots erratically in Harvey's direction*

Rachel: *throws bombs joyously at Joker* LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT GETTING YOUR HAIR BLOWN OFF YOUR HEAD!

Alfred: *runs around frantically, dodging bullets and serving refreshments*

Harvey: *hands Bruce bazooka* Have fuuuun! *cackle*

Bruce: …I hate you Two Face. *shoots Harvey first and then himself*

Crane: STOP THE VIOLENCE! D: *hides behind Hailey like frightened child*

Hailey: *pats Crane's head awkwardly* It's okay, it's okay… would dissecting people make you feel any better?

Crane: *nods head timidly*

Hailey: Okay then! :D *poofs everyone in to middle of brain surgery*

Rachel: *takes one look at open brain and barfs all over the patient*

Fox: Are we certified for this?!

Joker: Nope! :D *takes dented spoon and starts to dig out brains gleefully*

Harvey: *smacks Joker's hand* Don't do that! Who is the patient anyway?

Hailey: Oh my god… it's BATSY! *falls over laughing*

Alfred: *gasp* MASTER WAYNE! *sob*

Joker: Aw, don't worry Pops, he'll be better than ever after this! *cackles and begins to mash brains with bare hands*

Bruce: *heart-rate monitor stops* beeeeeeeeeeeeep…

Alfred: NO! *collapses next to Bruce* STAY WITH ME MASTER WAYNE!

Gordon: …This is almost sad.

Hailey: You're right. *poofs Bruce's brains back into place and saves his life*

Bruce: I'm aliiiiive!!! :D

Hailey: Yea, you are, now I did that for ALFRED, not for you. 'Cause he's awesome.

Alfred: *eyes shining* Thank you Miss Hailey!

Hailey: You OWE me. Next dare!

Fox: I'll read! These are from **rockangel160**…

**I love these dare fics! I know this is for the movies, but I hope you don't mind if I bring in the comic books and the show. Ok, here are mine:**

**1) I dare you to bring in Commissioner Gordon's little girl, Barbara (the future Batgirl), and then I dare Joker to tell her about how one day she'll grow up to fight with Batman *pause to let her squeal with excitement* and then tell her that Joker will SHOOT her in the spine and leave her paralyzed! That's not all! He will take off all her clothes and take pictures and show them to the Commissioner! (Source material: The Killing Joke, one of the best Batman comic books ever made.)**

**2) I dare Hailey to sing while emerging from a giant pie HarleyQuinn-style like in "Beware the Creeper." (Watch the bit on Youtube if you never saw that episode. (.)com/watch?v=ODUuwiBH9Cg 1:04-2:04)**

**3) I dare Harley Quinn to barge in on all the madness and smash you with her giant hammer for making out with her Puddin' and copying her pie move.**

**4)I dare Poison Ivy to come too and have an awkward moment with Harvey/Two-Face. (They used to date)**

**5) I dare Rachel to bring in her brother (Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie's brother) and for HIM to have an awkward with the Joker. (Check Brokeback Mountain.)**

**6) I dare the Batman characters (including Harley and Ivy) to call each other Death Note names. I can tell you are familiar with that manga because you favorited the "Ask L" story. I'm pretty sure you can assign the Batman characters to their Death Note counterparts no problem. It's not very hard.**

Hailey: I don't mind at all if they're dares from comic/TV show! It adds more of a twist! And The Killing Joke is THE BEST FRICKING COMIC EVER.

Gordon: What IS it with these people and wanting to cause my children harm?!

*Barbara poofs into room*

Barbara: ...Where am I?

Joker: *skips over* Why _hello_ there! Allow me to introduce myself…. I'm the Joker! 8D

Barbara: *eye twitches*

Joker: But almost MORE importantly: You're going to grow up to fight crime with the Big Bat himself one day!

Barbara: OMIGAWD ARE YOU SERIOUS?! 8D

Joker: …Now, there are several ways I could answer that question, but this time I actually AM serious!

Barbara: *runs around room flailing arms hysterically* I'M GOING TO BE BATGIRL!!!

Joker: *trips Barbara* And _that's not all!_

Barbara: *waits excitedly*

Joker: I'm going to shoot you in the spine, paralyze you, take off your clothes, and take naked pictures of you to show to your father! *claps hands happily*

Barbara: B-b-but—you… but Batman wouldn't—I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! *launches at Joker in rage*

Joker: *prances around laughing* Oooo Gordy, you really should be a better parent! Such _violent_ children!

*random pie suddenly appears in front of Joker*

(( .com/watch?v=DGfY7XfzgGI&NR=1 Go to 1:06!))

Hailey: *emerges seductively from pie* Happy anniversary Mistah J…

Joker: *stares with mouth open*

Bruce: PIIIEEEE!!!! 8D *jumps into giant pie*

Hailey: Agh! *falls ungracefully out of pie* Damn you, Bruce!

Harley Quinn: *bursts in wielding giant hammer* TAKE THIS YOU CLOWN-STEALING MEANIE! *smashes Hailey on the head with hammer* Don't mess around with MY PUDDIN'!

Joker: Harley, how many times do I have to throw you off a building for you to GET that it's over?!

Harley Quinn: Aw Puddin', you don't fool ME for a second! *hugs Joker tightly around waist* I know you love me!

-----Meanwhile, as the Joker tries helplessly to pry Harley off him, Poison Ivy struts through door*-----

Harvey: Oh lord, hide me! *ducks behind Rachel*

Poison Ivy: Harvey Two-Face Dent! You get your A** OVER HERE!

Harvey: *peeks out from behind Rachel* O-oh! Wh-what brings you to… here?

Poison Ivy: *struts over and glares at Rachel* So is this the [explicit] that you chose over ME?

Harvey: Um… yea. You see, she doesn't tie me up in poisonous plants when we have an argument—

Ivy: OH, is THAT it? You want to see some poisonous plants?! I'LL GIVE YOU POISONOUS PLANTS! *shoves poison oak leaves down Harvey's throat*

Rachel: You're on your own, honey. *pats Harvey's head, glancing nervously at Ivy* Good luck!

Joker: *finally manages to get Harley off him with a crowbar, then shoves her out a window* HA!

*Jack Twist (the character played by Jake Gyllenhaal) enters room, looking slightly confused*

Jack Twist: *sees Joker* …E-Ennis? Ennis Del Mar?

Joker: *blushes and tries to laugh* I go by an, uh, _different_ name now….

Jack Twist: It IS you! *runs over and hugs Joker tightly, who glances at Hailey awkwardly* I missed you….

Hailey: *looks back and forth between Joker and Twist, looking confused* Wha—? …OH.

Bruce: *snickers at Hailey* Looks like you chose the WRONG man to marry….

Jack Twist: Wait, you're getting MARRIED?

Joker: N-no! It's not what it looks—No, it is what it looks like. What I mean is—

Hailey: THAT IS SO ADORABLE! 8D

Joker: I can expl—*pauses* …What?

Hailey: You could have TOLD me! I mean, who WOULDN'T fall for that guy?! *points at Twist* So you had a fling. Who cares?!

Twist: *puts hands on hips* ExCUSE me? Are you calling me a FLING?

Hailey: Um… maaaybe? But we can share, right?

Twist: NO WE CANNOT! *turns angrily on Joker* WE'RE OVER! *storms out*

Joker: Well that's a chance for a threesome we'll never get back….

Hailey: *claps hands over ears* I did NOT need to hear that!

Joker: *shrugs* You KNOW you were thinking it….

Hailey: *shoves Joker out of way* ANYWAY! Yes **rockangel160**, it's true I am VERY familiar with Death Note. I was sort of an L fangirl back in the day, and a HUGE Kira hater. So it's horribly ironic that I'm casting every this way, but here we go! :D

Joker = Light/Kira

Bruce = L (ROFL. XD)

Harley Quinn = Misa Amane

Alfred = Watari

Harvey = Mello

Rachel = Probably Naomi….

Gordon = Soichiro Yagami (Does that make Gordon the Joker's DAD?)

Poison Ivy = Most likely Takada.

Fox = Roger! (From Wammy's House)

Crane = Nothing really fits Crane, but I'll go with Mikami!

Bruce: *looks at self in mirror* Omigawd, my eyes are HUGE.

Joker: *psycho hysterical Kira cackle* I'm an Abercrombie Pretty Boy!

Harley Quinn: MISA MISA LOVES HER LIGHT! *tackles Joker (again)*

Harvey: *sigh* Of course, why would I be anything other than the blonde with half his face burned off?

Crane: *writes furiously in Notebook* DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.

Hailey: *stabs Crane/Mikami with pencil* I HATE MIKAMI!

Crane: *whimpers* Can we just continue…?

Hailey: Oh, right. Okay, Joker read!

Joker: *giggles and snatches next dare* Okie dokey! This is from **Witchy Rain Girl.**

**Here's a message for Hailey: This is awesome! Keep it up!**

**Here's a message for all the people who have been involved in this insanity so far: Congrats on surviving for so long. Best of luck to you all in future dares...except for you, Bruce, you can rot in a sack for all I care...**

**I've got one more dare.**

**I dare everyone to call Bruce "Batsy" for a whole episode.**

Hailey: Thanks Witchy, I appreciate it! :D

Bruce: *sob* All your crazy friends hate me….

Harvey: Aw, it's okay Batsy! *snicker*

Bruce: *flinch* N-no…

Joker: BATSYYYY!!! *randomly tackle/hugs Bruce* Now I can call you that _all_ the time!

Hailey: Now read the next dare, Batsy!

Bruce: *sigh* Fine…. These dares are all thanks to **The King of Soda.**

**More dares from me! And I was really looking forward to that pyramid too...**

**1. I dare Crane to go into a room filled with BUTTERFLIES!**

**2. I dare the Joker to be only able to say, "Dja balls drop off?" "All you care about is money," and "Well hello, beautiful" for a long time!**

**3. I dare Bruce to stay silent for the rest of the episode! Everytime he talks someone has to kick him in the groin.**

**4. I dare everyone except Hailey and the Joker to spray themselves with Crane's Fear Gas, then they can go around scaring the others!**

**5. I dare Bruce to publicly announce that he is the Batman! (You are, after all, wanted for murder, Bats...)**

**6. I dare Rachel to give Delilah (her spider) a proper funeral. Oh, and everyone has to say a few words.**

**7. And lastly, I dare HAILEY to break up with the Joker and get together with, er... ALFRED! Forever!**

Crane: *rocks quietly back and forth, eyes wide with horror* First the butterflies… then the pencil… NOW MORE BUTTERFLIES…!

Rachel: Have fun, Crane! *shoves Crane into room of exotic mornster butterflies*

Crane: NOOOOO!! *throws self helplessly against walls as butterflies close in*

Joker: Oh come _on_, d'ja balls drop off? Be a man!

Crane: *wail* I DO'WANNA BE A MAN!! D:

Bruce: Aw, be nice to the poor guy—

Harvey: *kicks Bruce in groin* Shut up, Batsy!

Hailey: *lets Crane out of room, who looks terrified beyond belief* Fear Toxin time! *douses everyone but Joker in toxin* Oh, and thank you for being nice to Joker and I, Soda King. ;D

Crane: *flails arms* THE BUTTERFLIES ARE BACK!!! THEY'RE HUUUUGE!!! *runs in circles*

Harvey: *screams at own reflection in mirror* MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!

Rachel: *covers eyes* OH MY GOD! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!! NO! I knew it! GROSS!

Alfred: NOT THE GOOD CHINA! SPARE THE CHINA CUPS! *scrambles all over floor*

Fox: W-where are my socks?! I CAN'T FIND MY SOCKS!!!

Gordon: Not my children, Joker. Get AWAY from my children! *launches at Joker*

Joker: *cackles* Well _hello_ beautiful! *skips away to poke at Rachel* What do you see, darlin'?

Rachel: *flails and smacks hands over eyes again* HARVEY, BRUCE, CRANE, AND YOU ARE ALL GAY!!!

Hailey: *stare* o_0 *laughs hysterically* Oh, PRICELESS!

Bruce: *shouting at imaginary person* You're not Batman, I AM BATMAN!

Hailey: *grabs Bruce and drags him to TV station* Would you like to repeat that, Batsy?

Bruce: *waves arms over head* I AM THE BATMAN!!! *Fear Toxin wears off* …Oh crap. *attacked by angry camera crew* Save me! D:

Hailey: …Okay, but only this time. *poofs everyone to random graveyard* We are here today to recognize the passing of a friend, pet, and ally, Delilah the Spider. *bows head mournfully*

Rachel: *steps forward to tiny grave, holding lilacs* Delilah, *sniffle* you were my best, most trustworthy friend. I'll… m-miss you!

Crane: Honestly, I thought you were the creepiest, ugliest thing I'd ever seen. And come on think of it, I still think that. Except maybe for the Joker…. *whacked on head by Rachel with bouquet of flowers*

Bruce: *steps forward* I'm not sure if any of you know this, but I always wanted to name my first daughter Delilah. …After this, I think I'll name her Allison or something….

Joker: *hops on to Delilah's grave* You were a pretty spider. In fact, every time I saw you I wanted to squash you into slimy bits!

Alfred: She was always crawling into my desert tray when I wasn't looking… once Gordon almost ate her.

Gordon: *shudder* I _knew_ there was something wrong when that cookie felt fuzzy….

Fox: *shrug* I sort of liked her company. She was a very thoughtful, quite personality.

Harvey: o_0 It's a tarantula, Fox.

Fox: So just because she has eight legs she doesn't have a SOUL?! What kind of a prejudiced person ARE YOU?

Hailey: I'm going to be mean and selfish for a moment and deny that last dare. Because it took me long enough to get this goddamn rock on my finger, and I sure ain't taking it off now just because someone says I should hook up with an old man!

Alfred: *insulted*

Hailey: *pats Alfred on back* No offense, Alfie, if I had to hook up with an old man you'd be at the top of my list! ;) Now, read a dare Harvey!

Harvey: *groan* Alright, alright. This is from **takara410****.**

**love it Rachel and joker and bruce have to pose for playboy magazine**

Joker: *rolling on floor laughing* ME?! Who are these people and what drugs are they ON? *cackles hysterically*

Rachel: *eye twitch* No… no, and NO.

Bruce: YESSS!!! *pumps fist*

Hailey: *grabs camera* Well THIS outta be interesting… the first two to pose together will be Rachel and Bruce, I suppose.

Bruce: *hugs Hailey in bear hug* THANK YOU, KIND PERSON! :D

Hailey: *giggles quietly* You won't be saying that in a few minutes…. Now pose!!

*Rachel and Bruce do a naughty pose with beach scene background*

Hailey: *snaps a few lazy pictures* Okay, the next two will be Joker and Rachel! *amused grin*

Rachel: *glare* I hate you, Hailey. I really do.

Hailey: One day we'll all look back on this and laugh…. Or maybe that'll just be the Joker. But you get the point right?

Rachel: No. I just get that I hate you.

Joker: *sticks tongue out* Stick in the mud! Just pose!

*Joker and Rachel pose with Arkham Asylum cell background*

Hailey: *snaps a dozen or so pictures, laughing mischievously the whole time* Okay, I think that's enough to use as blackmail for now….

Bruce: So does that mean we're done?

Hailey: HA! Not even close! Our next pairing will be BRUCE AND THE JOKER! *evil cackle as thunder booms and lightning cracks in distance*

Bruce: NO! D:

Hailey: YES, I totally just went there. Now POSE, so I can humiliate you for the rest of your life!

Bruce: *whimpers as he's shoved into _very_ awkward position with Joker, with pink fluffy bunny background*

Hailey: Hold it RIGHT there! *snaps bazillion pictures from dozens of different angles and lightings* Oooh, I am _so_ selling these on the internet….

Bruce: *grinds teeth* I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

Hailey: Oh come on, it would be selfish to deny Batman/Joker fans this stuff! And besides, wouldn't that break your "one rule"?

Bruce: You have brought me closer to breaking that rule than the Joker EVER did.

Joker: Which is why I'm marrying her. *winks at Hailey*

Hailey: *blush* Why don't I read the next set of dares? This is from **LittleMissForestCommaElle**!

Love this so much!! Please continue! :-)

**1) Harvey and Bruce must go into an epic lightsaber fight, while pretending to be Star Wars Character (fighting over Rachel)**

**2) Everyone has to switch places!! (For as long as they can, the longest being the rest of the chapter) :-) **

**P. Harvey that if he ever needs a "Friend" I'm here ;-) Sorry Rach but he is H. O. T. Hot!**

_**((A/N: …I-I've never watched Star Wars before. *shot by Star Wars fans* It's something on my list though! I know Darth Vader of course, and Luke… Skywalker? Isn't he actually Darth Vader? No, wait, he's Darth Vader's son. Hence the "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" Epic Quote. But as you can see, I know nothing. So I won't cast Harvey and Bruce as characters, sorry!))**_

Harvey: *activates green lightsaber* YOU SHALL DIE AT LAST, BATSY!

Bruce: *activates blue lightsaber* PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, FIEND!

*Epic Lightsaber Battle ensues*

Bruce: I have you NOW, Two-Face! *slashes out with saber and chops of Harvey's hand*

Harvey: *slow motion* NNNNOOOOOOO!!! *clutches maimed arm dramatically* CUUUUUUURSSSSE YYYYOOOOOOUUUU BAAAAATTSSSSSYYYYY!!!!!

Hailey: *randomly bursts into Epic Battle* TIME TO SWITCH PLACES! :D

Gordon: Wait! Whoa—!!! *everyone sucked into Soul Swapping Machine of Doom*

Bruce is now Alfred

Alfred is now Rachel

Rachel is now Gordon

Crane is now Joker

Gordon is now Fox

Fox is now Harvey

Harvey is now Hailey

Hailey is now Bruce

Joker is now Crane

(…Did I forget anyone? XD)

Bruce: I'm so old and WRINKLY! *sob*

Alfred: *glances down at chest before averting eyes shamefully* I… feel extremely awkward….

Rachel: *takes off glasses* OmiGAWD I'm BLIND! *waves arms in front of face before tripping and falling over* Gordon, I didn't know you were THIS old!

Gordon: Hey! I am _not_ old! And just when I get the chance to finally switch souls, I'm put in an even OLDER body! LOOK AT ME! D:

Crane: *looks down at self* I-I'm the Joker…? *begins stabbing body angrily with needles*

Joker: *looks down at self* And heeey! I'm the Carecrow! *looks at Crane (who is in Joker's body)* Y'know… I can't feel that.

Crane: I know, I just wanted to see if it made a difference being in the body of a masochist. *grimaces* …It doesn't.

Fox: I feel so youthful! :D

Harvey: *horrified* I-I-I'm… H-Hailey? *evil grin spreads over face* Hehehe….

Hailey: *squeaks in horror* You're ME? GET OUTTA MY BODY, DENT! *begins to viciously beat Harvey with a club*

Harvey: Ack! Hey! You're beating your own body you know! And look at YOURSELF!

Hailey: *drops club and sighs* You're right… *glances down at body* I'M BATSY? D: *throws self helplessly to the ground* WHY, CRUEL WORLD? *pauses and looks up for a moment* Oh yea, and Harvey? LittleMissForest thinks you're hot.

Harvey: *disgusted/terrified expression* IN THIS BODY?!

Hailey: Gee, thanks Harvey, I feel so loved. And no, she means your real body. Which though I'm sorry to admit, is actually kind of hot… but I hate you still.

Harvey: *scowl* Can we just go back to our normal bodies? It's so… *glances briefly at chest* …uncomfortable.

Hailey: *snaps fingers, and everyone goes (thankfully) back to normal* Now read the next group of dares, Crane!

Crane: *rubs temples* Fine, fine. This dare is by **I-Am-The-Stig**!

**interesting!**

**how about everyone does...**

**THE TIMEWARP!**

**mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he he he he *snort***

( (DOT) com/watch?v=epbezV0g1Hk The Timewarp!)

Everyone: *sings loudly* LEEEETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAIN!!!! 8D Take a step to the left! Put your hands on your hips! LEEETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAIN!!! *everyone falls over dramatically at end*

Hailey: Well that was fun. And random! Next group of dares, Alfred?

Alfred: Of course. These dares are by **EchoPandora****.**

**I've decided to add to the craziness. But only if I can take Crane home with me... with the Scarecrow mask, which I do like that personality better.**

**Anyways I dare:**

**1. Rachel to dress in a Batgirl Costume, the slutty version, and kick the crap out of Bruce as batman. **

**2. Harvey to deal with either Tommy Lee Jones Harvey or Harvey from the animated series, to see who is worse.**

**3. As much as I adore Scarecrow I have an ungodly desire to see him get the "special treatment" from a dominatrix, in the style that Lady Heather did from CSI. With the whip. I am dying to see how he gets out of this one. Since... she's violent when she's scared or upset.**

**I'm sure he gets off on pain anyways. Right?**

**4. And though I know she's not here, can Poison Ivy stop bye just for "chat" to the men, you know man-hating poison-kissed stuff, particularly Crane.**

Hailey: I understand, I have a bit of a crush on Jonathan myself. ^^;

Joker: I thought you loved me?! D:

Hailey: No no no! I do! I'm completely OBSESSED with you actually. Which is why I agreed to MARRY YOU. Would any sane person agree to marry a sociopath masochist? I just like Crane because he's another twisted villain that uses Gotham's deepest fears against it. And his sarcasm is amusing. But by no means think I'm trying to keep him for MYSELF. EchoPandora can do whatever she wants with him. *hands Jonathan Crane with big red bow on his head to EchoPandora* ;D

Rachel: *dresses in slutty cat woman outfit* Oh Bruuuuuuce…

Bruce: *eyes nearly pop out of head*

Rachel: You've been a NAUGHTY BOY, Batsy…. Now let me punish you…

Bruce: *whispers to self* It's FINALLY HAPPENING! PUNISH ME RACHEL! :D

Rachel: *kicks Bruce in crotch* YOU SICK PERVERT! YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD DO ANYTHING THAT STUPID?!

_**((A/N: Warning: I haven't seen much of Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey, so I'm just guessing and using what info I have from small clips. And I have NEVER seen CSI ever in my life, I don't even know what it's about. Yes, that's how little I watch TV.))**_

Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: Ooh-hoo! Helloooo! Where's that pointy-eared bat?

Harvey: o_0 You're…me? But you're so UGLY. And… is your face purple?!

Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: You ain't much of a looker yourself, now are ya?! Hey I got an idea! Let's flip a coin to see who's uglier!

Gordon: …You're annoying. More annoying than DENT, even.

Joker: Ha! So even the _sane_ ones think you're annoying, Two-Face!

Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey: Heeeey! I'm the real Two Face here! This guy's just some jealous imposter! And who are you? Noooo, lemme guess. Your some nobody trying to make it big off of the Joker's name, am I right? Pathetic, that's what I say! HA! *flicks coin*

Hailey: *rage* PATHETIC? YOU are the pathetic one! *shoves Tommy Lee Jones' Harvey out door angrily*

Poison Ivy: *randomly struts into room* Why, _hello again_ boys. *naughty wink* Scarecrow, darling, it's been forever! Let me give you a kiss….

Crane: *scrambles back, trying to avoid kiss* Uh, yea-- *nervous laugh* Long time no see…?

Poison Ivy: Oh please Scarecrow, don't be so _shy! _*puts hands on hips* Does this face look like it would hurt you?

Crane: Y-yes, actually.

Bruce: Hey Ivy, leave the poor guy alon—

Ivy: *whirls angrily on Bruce* Did anyone _ASK_ you, you stupid bat?!

Bruce: *squeak* No! I-It's jut that he's never had a girlfriend before, obviously, so it's kind of hard for—

Crane: Hey! How would you know if I've ever had a girlfriend?!

Harvey: No offense Crane, but you love Christina Aguilera, you _enjoy_ walking in high heels, your worst fear is butterflies, and you're the most emotional man I've ever met. To most girls, that sort of… oh I don't know… _screams_ GAY.

Crane: *covers eyes and wails* BUT I'M NOT GAY!

Hailey: Thank god, that would be quite a disappointment for EchoPandora. Who wants to read now?

Rachel: I guess I will! These dares are from **Carmen Aurelia**!

**:D**

**I love this story,**

**especially the part where the Joker drew all the "creative" drawings on everyone's faces. (Extra quotes on the 'creative' part)**

**Well,**

**your undying love for The Joker makes you both pretty good targets for humiliation -evil laugh of my own while hunching over drinking a cup of coffee- **

**Okay, carrying on,**

**I have a couple dares on mind :]**

**Number One: The Joker has to wear a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow poka dot bikini and sing the theme song to it "She wore a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini...(..)"**

**WITH Ballet dance moves!**

**And no chickening out of this or any loopholes.. -glare- i'm on to you. **

**:]**

**Oh and he has to stay in that bikini for uhm,**

**THE REST OF THE STORY.**

**AND,**

**Hailey and the Joker have to hold each others waists, WHILE HE'S IN THE BIKINI.**

**:]**

**Oh and I dare Bruce to give me a long kiss,**

**I'd so do him.**

Hailey: *twitch*

Bruce: *throws hands in air* FINALLY SOMEONE LOVES ME! :D *grabs Carman Aurelia and kisses her passionately*

Hailey: *shrug* I guess I deserve it; I knew I was painting a target on my forehead when I admitted my undying love for the Joker…. But now I'm marrying him! SO BE JEALOUS! 8D

Joker: *strips down to "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini" and ballet tutu* Sheeeee wooooooore aaaaan… ITSY BITS TEENY WEENIE YELLOW POLKA-DOT BIKINI!! *does can-can while singing* Al la la lalalala lalalala Idon'tknowthewords lalalala LALALALAAAA!!! *grabs on to Hailey's waist and continues to do can-can with her*

Hailey: *stumbles awkwardly, holding on to Joker's waist for dear life* Calm down, Joker!

Joker: LalLalLalalALlalalALLLALAllalalaLALALA!!!! *gets kicked in shin by Hailey* Wha—Oh, FINE. I'll read the next dare then!

Hailey: *chuckle* Go ahead.

Joker: *AHEM!* This is from**alex's wonderland**!

This Story is amazing. Very Very Very FUNNY!

**Ok, I dare all of the characters to partner up, and have a piggie-back race from one end of the room to the other, and back!! **

**Optional: the winning pair get a free pass: they get to be exempt from the next terrible dare that involves them?**

Gordon: Oh, it is SO ON! :D

Partners: (first = top, second = bottom)

Alfred and Fox

Rachel and Crane

Bruce and Harvey

Gordon, Hailey, and Joker

Gordon: Why do I have to carry TWO people?!

Fox: Because we have an uneven number.

Rachel: On your mark… get set… GO! *charges forward with Crane clinging to her back*

Harvey: GO BATSY GO! *Bruce scrambles forward with Harvey shouting orders on his back*

Gordon: CHAAAAAARGE!!!! *gallops forward with Hailey shrieking to slow down and the Joker laughing to go faster*

Crane: *pants for breath* They're gaining! D:

Rachel: Then move FASTER ya slow poke! *smacks Crane on head*

Joker: *throws various pointy objects at fellow racers* HAhaHAhAhaHAHAhaHAHahAhAHAhoo!!!!

Alfred: *dodges objects with surprising speed and agility, all the while holding a tray full of refreshments*

Fox: Can't you put that down just for the race?!

Alfred: NO! The Joker glued my hands to the tray! *uses tray to block flying pencils*

Gordon: I SEE THE FINISH LINE!

Rachel: Oh NO you don't!! GO SCARECROW GO! *whips Crane like a racing horse*

Crane: Aaaagh!! *flails arms and crashes into Gordon, Hailey, and Joker*

Gordon: *slow motion* Noooooo!!!! *Joker gets thrown off Hailey's back and flies into Alfred and Fox*

Fox: *gets knocked off Alfred's back and goes flying over the finish line* I WIIIIIN!!! :D

Rachel: YOU FOOL CRANE!! *kicks fallen Crane*

Alfred: *groans on ground, still clinging to glued-on tray* Are we DONE yet?

Hailey: Almost! To finish up this episode, we're going to have the wedding!!

**Wedding bells chime in the distance as people gather in large outdoor courtyard decorated with traditional classy black wedding theme**

Alfred: *carefully carries enormous, intricately decorated white wedding cake, and places it on large dessert table in the courtyard* It's perfect! This cake will be my crowning glory! :D

Harvey: (sitting in one of the many chairs facing the small alter, looking grumpy) *folds arms stubbornly* This is so STUPID.

Rachel: (sitting next to him) Aaaaw, I think it's kind of cute. :3 This is how I would want MY wedding to look! *nudge nudge*

Gordon: (hiding behind corner with police force near back of courtyard) Okay men, I don't know what's going to happen next, but it won't be good. This is the JOKER we're talking about. So be on you're guard!

Crane: (with Hailey waiting outside dressing room) Come on Hailey, you look great, come out!

Hailey: *has eyes covered, refusing to look at self in mirror* NO! I can't do this! I look like an idiot!

Crane: You look amazing! Just come out! Please?!

Hailey: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

Joker: (at the alter) *pacing back and forth* Where is she? All she has to do is walk down the stupid isle, say two words, kiss me and walk back down the isle. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?! D:

Bruce: (standing next to Joker) Look, I'm sure any sane girl would be half way to Mexico by now, but Hailey obviously isn't sane. She'll be here!

Joker: *stops and gives Bruce blank stare* Gee, thanks _Best Man._

Bruce: That's another thing I don't get: WHY ME? Aren't we enemies?

Joker: *sigh* Do you EVER listen to ANYTHING I say? We're two sides of the same coin! You complete me, you're not like them, yadda yadda yadda….

Bruce: Yea, yea, whatever. You're still nuts.

Fox: (talking to waitress near eating tables off to the left of the courtyard) Now this is the seating order…. Yes, I know half of the guests are on Gotham's Most Wanted list…. Look, here's a hundred dollars, now get a move on!

Crane: (back in dressing room) *uses big eyes and puppy dog lip* PLEASE, Hailey?

Hailey: Ugh, FINE. But I'm doing this for you, Jonathan! SO YOU OWE ME. *slowly uncovers eyes* ……OH MA' GAWD. O_O

http://bridedresses./images/Bridal_

((Only it's dark purple in the torso, a little lighter purple in the skirt, and the fancy patterns at the top and bottom of the torso is emerald green.))

Crane: You SEE? You look great! NOW GET OUT THERE AND MARRY THAT SOCIOPATHIC CLOWN! :D *shoves Hailey out of dressing room and on to the isle*

Bruce: (still standing next to Joker) There she is, now at least TRY not to kill anyone—

Joker: *stabs Bruce with switchblade* You talk to much.

Bruce: *flails and falls over pew*

Hailey: *tries to walk in the traditional "bride walk", and trips over own feet* Ugh, screw this! *lifts gown and marches unceremoniously up isle to Joker* Let's get on with it, shall we?

Gordon: (still hiding behind courtyard wall with MCU force) Okay, you all stay here and I'll try to sneak in the back….

Alfred: (who is being the priet) Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to celebrate.... *blah blah blah blah*

Harvey: *groans loudly* This is SOOO boring!

Rachel: *whacks Harvey on the head* Shut up! You're ruining it!

Crane: *slips quietly into seat next to Rachel, tears of joy in his eyes* She's she look beautiful? She's all grown up! *sobs into hands*

Joker: *looks extremely bored, yawning obviously* Look Pops, I love your little speech an' all… but try this. *hands Alfred crinkled, blood splattered paper*

Alfred: I—Uh… okay…? *clears throat and reads off of paper* Hailey, do you take Jack Napier to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage. Do you promise to laugh, murder, vandalize and cause terror with him for laughs or for screams, for sanity or madness, in sickness and in health? And forsaking all others, to laugh with and love him so long as you both shall live?"

Hailey: *laughs* Would I _be_ here if I didn't?

Alfred: *stern glare*

Hailey: Oh, right— I mean… *ahem* I do.

Alfred: *repeats speech to Joker*

Joker: Yea, yea. I do. *flicks knife open and closed behind back in boredom*

Gordon: *speaks into radio* HE HAS A KNIFE! GO GO GO!

*Gotham Police Force bursts into courtyard in riot gear*

GPA\F Officer: PUT YOUR HANDS UP JOKER!

Hailey: *handcuffed* What the F***?! GORDON! *RAGE*

Joker: Hey, I'm kinda busy, can you wait a moment? *dragged away*

Rachel: YOU ARE RUINING MY DREAM WEDDING!!! *charges with war cry at GPF, waving a purse like a weapon* DIE, YOU WEDDING MURDERERS!!

Crane: *bursts into hysterical sobs* DON'T TAKE ME BACK TO ARKHAM!! *runs blindly at hits table with giant cake*

Alfred: *horrified* NOT THE WEDDING CAKE! D: *dives to save cake, catching it just on time* Phew! :D

Bruce: *heroic voice* I will save you, Rachel! *dives into battle, gets beaten with a club by GPF, and falls into cake, completely destroying it*

Alfred: Noooooo! *cries*

Harvey: *smug grin* NOW things are interesting…. *GPF officer handcuffs him* HEY! Wait a minute!! *dragged off*

Bruce: *spluttering in cake* Quick, you idiot! Kiss the bride!

Joker: *struggles against handcuffs, laughing hysterically* C'mere, doll! *leans over and passionately kisses Hailey*

Hailey: *dragged away from Joker* You guys all SUCK, you know that? Looks like the honeymoon might be a little different from what I expected…. *giggles* Hey, maybe we can share a cell, Jack. ;)

Crane: *flailing in straight jacket* NOOO!!! *crashes into table again, and random fire ignites*

Wedding Guests: *burst into chaos, running for lives and screaming*

Joker, Hailey, Crane, Bruce, Rachel, and Harvey: *all shoved into big truck and sent to Arkham Asylum*

Gordon: O_O …Oops?

Fox: *blank glare at Gordon* …This is all your fault.

A/N: And that concludes Episode Seven! :D I hope you're all satisfied with this episode; I did it in sort of a rush. :/ I just want to make a few things VERY CLEAR. **SO READ THIS PLEASE!**

I'm going to be lame and add a rule. You can now only request three dares per chapter. I know I said this last episode, but since I'm still not even CLOSE to catching up there are some dares that were entered before I made this rule. For those dares, that's fine, but I get to choose which three will be done. Sorry! D:

I was not insulting or inferring I don't like gays in this chapter. I have nothing against homosexual people; I'm actually friends with a few. So I hope nobody was insulted!

I bet you're all wondering, "Where the hell did the Little Girl go?!" Well, since I'm still not caught up with all these dares, none of the dares have anything to do with her so I found it kind of pointless to have her. I'll bring her back when I finally catch up, but for now… she's on vacation! :D

Oh, and one last thing. **HOLD OFF ON THE DARES FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER.** And please don't hate me for it! D: I'm doing what I can, but it's a LOT OF DARES to catch up on.


	11. Episode Eight

Hailey: Aaaaand we're back with a Special Edition Episode from Arkham Asylum!!! 8D

Joker: *sigh* As you all remember, we were all hauled off to Arkham during the wedding….

Hailey: Which GORDON so rudely RUINED. *slaps Gordon*

Gordon: (who is already covered in various cuts, bruises, and scratches) *sob* I SAID I WAS SORRY! DX

Rachel: *growls* Not sorry enough!!! You DESTORYED MY—I mean… Hailey's… wedding!

Crane: *grimaces at large cell everyone's in* Why didn't anyone ever TELL me how filthy these things were?! It's SHAMEFUL!

Hailey: Aaaaanyway, ONWARD! 8D These dares are from the wonderful **TavyBeckettFan**!

**Bravo Bravo!! This was awesome!**

**Anyways - I have some dares for ya...**

**1. I dare Bruce to get a tattoo of Rachel's name on his back and then show it to everyone.**

**2. I dare everyone, including the old dudes and the girls, to dress western and perform the line dance to country music!**

**3. I dare the Joker to actually tell a joke.**

**I'm done for now.**

**THANKS FOR POSTING!**

**Jb**

Bruce: *rolls eyes* Psh! I already GOT one! *pulls up shirt to reveal gigantic barbed-wire 'RACHEL ;D' across back*

Alfred: …Barbed-wire? Really, Master Wayne?

Bruce: *folds arms* You're just JEALOUS.

Gordon: *puts on Cowboy hat* IT'S TIME FER' SOME LIIIINE DANCIN'!!

*everyone poofed into Wild West costumes, and annoying fiddle music chimes in*

Joker: *grabs Crane's hands and starts spinning around in circles* Weeeeee!!! 8D

Crane: *flails helplessly* I'm gonna be sick!

Hailey: *happily dances jig with Alfred* Heeey, this country crap is kinda catchy!

Harvey: *claps hands over ears* THE MUSIC. IT BUUUUURNS.

Fox: *dances awkwardly in a straight line* Is this line dancing…?

Joker: *lets go of Crane's hands, sending him flying into Rachel* LISTEN UP!

*everyone freezes*

Joker: Knock knock! 8D

Hailey: *head desk* Who's there, Joker?

Joker: BOO!!

Alfred: Boo… who?

Joker: Aw, don't cry, it's just a joke!! *rolls on floor laughing*

Hailey: -_- …I'm married to this guy.

Harvey: *pats Hailey on shoulder gleefully* You must be so proud!

Hailey: *restrains hurting Harvey* Next dare! Care to read, Crane?

Crane: *groans, still collapsed on Rachel* Fine. **DefyGravityCC**wrote these dares.

**Ok I dare...**

** and the Joker to do the can-can naked!**

**2.I dare Alfred to spend the rest of the episode naked.**

**3. Since the Joker never got to carve Batsy's face in the movie I dare him to do it now, then batsy must become Joker's sidekick for the day, commiting numerous crimes.**

Bruce: *rips out hair* WHYYYYYY???! *sob*

Joker: *rips off clothes* Party time! *grabs Bruce's arm and begins spinning around in circles while miraculously managing to do the can-can at the same time*

Bruce: Waaaaaagggghhh!!! *flies out of Joker's grip and crashes into filthy Arkham toilet* Eeeeewwww!!!!

Hailey: Oh, Alfred, I'm going to be extra nice to you and give you a pass for that dare. Sorry **DefyGravityCC**, but I really don't want that mental image. O.0

Joker: That means it's our turn again, Batsy! *tackles Bruce and carves his face*

Bruce: NOT THE FACE!!! *thrashes*

Joker: Hey! *accidentally jerks hand with Bruce's thrashing* You messed me up! Now you have a frown!! D8

Bruce: Wha-?! *grabs random mirror Harvey is staring at himself with* OMIGAWD I HAVE A CARVED FROWN!

Joker: *giggle* Well, now we really ARE two sides of the same coin! Now, as my sidekick, I order you kill Jeremiah Arkham!! That man needs to learn a lesson or two about crazy people. *shakes head disappointedly*

Bruce: No! I don't kill people!

Hailey: *poofs Dr. Arkham into room and sighs* We've been over this, Bats. You. Have. A. Contract!

Bruce: *disbelief* That contracts says something about murder?!

Hailey: *busy scrawling words on contract* It does now! *pats Bruce on shoulder* Whoops! *shoves Bruce forward, who fall and accidentally squashes Dr. Arkham*

Crane: See? Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Bruce: *horror struck*

Hailey: *claps happily* Moving on! Read the dare, Fox!

Fox: *ahem* These dares are thanks to **Annabel Quinn**!

**This story is amazing. I nearly fell off my seat laughing! :) Hailey you rock! *hugs Hailey***

**I have a few dares:**

**1. I dare everyone to have a group therapy session with Dr. Phil. **

**2. I dare the Joker to speak pig latin for a while. At least until it drives everyone crazy ;)**

**3. And I dare Bruce to kiss me passionately. *bats eyelashes seductively* Cuz the Joker's been getting all the attention. Although I do love him as well *waves at Joker***

**That's about it. Love the story :) *hugs Hailey again***

Hailey: *hugs Annabel* Awww, thank you!

Dr. Phil: *knocks cautiously on cell door* …Hello? *sees DTDKC crew* OH GOD. NOT YOU GUYS! *tries to flee*

Rachel: *tackles* Oh no you don't! There are a lot of people with problems here! AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELP THESE PEOPLE!! *murderous glare*

Dr. Phil: *blank stare* I'm a TV show therapist, darlin', not a miracle worker.

Harvey: *whisper* Look, when you leave, if you could sneak me out with you—

Joker: *jumps in* What's that? Did I hear our dear ol' Harvey trying to _escape?_

Harvey: N-no! Of c-c-course not! *shoves Dr. Phil away*

Dr. Phil: *rubs temples* Let's get on with it, shall we?

*everyone sits down on giant couch that randomly appears*

Bruce: *suspicious* Are you _really_ a certified therapist?

Dr. Phil: *shifty eyes* Maaaaaaybe….

Rachel: *GASP* YOU'RE A LIAR!

Dr. Phil: N-no! I'm certified! Really!! No matter what mother says, I AM NOT A FAILURE! DX

*everyone stares blankly*

Joker: *shoves Dr. Phil out of host's seat* Ooookay, well he obviously needs a little help, so I'll take over for now!! 8D *puts on smart-looking glasses*

Bruce: Joker, that's stupid.

Joker: *peers intensely at Bruce* And how do you feel about that?

Harvey: We're not going to take therapy from a CLOWN!

Joker: But you are… so how do you feel about that?

Harvey: ARRRGGGHHH!!! *throws hands in air*

Joker: Hmmm… *scribbles notes* And how do you feel about _that?_

Rachel: Joker, that's not the way you do therapy! These questions make no sense!

Joker: How would you know? Carecrow over here is the only one that's actually certified! …Or was certified.

Crane: *slumps on couch grumpily, mumbling incoherently t self* _Was certified… stupid psychotherapists…who are they to call me crazy..? Wait, I am crazy…._

Hailey: Uh… Crane?

Crane: *still mumbles angrily to self*

Joker: *giggle* We're sorry, Jonathan Crane isn't in right now, please leave a message after the beep. *whips out megaphone and shouts at Crane* BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!

Crane: Agh!!! *falls over*

Joker: So, as I was saying…. How do you feel about that?

Bruce: *strangles Joker* ENOUGH WITH THE THERAPY!

Joker: *laughs hysterically* Inefa! Inefa!

Bruce: *stops* …Inefa?

Joker: *rolls eyes* Inefa. T'sia igpa atinla. On'tda ouya nowka nythingaa?

Gordon: *clutches head* My brain hurts!

Joker: *in singsong voice* 'Mia peakingsa nia igpa atinla! 'Mia peakingsa nia igpa atinla!

Alfred: *covers ears with two food trays*

Joker: Eyha, hista igpa atinla tuffsa nia otsla foa unfa!! :D

Harvey: MAKE IT STOP HAILEY. PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!

Hailey: *shrugs* Hatwa? Ia an'tca nderstandua hatwa ou'reya ayingsa!

Harvey: *shrieks* OH NO! THE MADNESS IS SPREADING!

Joker: *skips around room with Hailey* E'rewa peakingsa nia igpa atinla~! E'rewa peakingsa nia igpa atinla~!

Rachel: I can't take it anymore! *shoots self*

Bruce & Harvey: *gasp* RACHEL! NOOOOOOOOO. *shoots selves*

Alfred: MASTER WAYNE! NOOOOOOO! *shoots self*

Gordon: GOTHAM'S WHITE KNIGHT! NOOOOOOO! *shoots self*

Fox: ALL MY FRIENDS! NOOOOOO!!! *shoots self*

Crane: *stares at everyone in disgust* I think that's my cue to shoot myself… but I can't think of a reason I should….

Hailey: Well, there is the fact that Alfred can't make anymore delicious refreshments for you anymore.

Crane: *horrified* NOOOO! *shoots self*

Joker: *admires work* Who knew it was this easy create madness?

Hailey: *revives everyone* Now, Bruce, go make out with **Annabel Quinn**! *poofs Annabel into room*

Bruce: But she's the one that made me shoot myself! D:

Hailey: Noooo… she just gave the dare. The Writer just made it violent for her enjoyment.

Harvey: Who's 'The Writer'?

**AUTHOR NOTE: ME. I AM GOD. SO OBEY ME AND MAKE OUT WITH ANNABEL QUINN ALREADY, BRUCE!**

Bruce: O.O GOD?! *falls to knees* I'm not WORTHY!

Hailey: Yea, yea, just kiss Annabel.

Bruce: *happily makes out with Annabel for a few minutes* See, God? I obey you! NOW BE NICE TO ME!!! D;

**AUTHOR NOTE: ….NO.**

Hailey: And with that, on with the dares! Read, Harvey!

Harvey: These dares are from **nicolella**!

**Yay Dares!**

**1. Joker and Bruce have to reenact Brokeback Mountain.**

**2. Hailey has to break up with the Joker.**

**3. Rachel has to choose between Bruce, Joker, and Harvey.**

**Hehe sorry Hailey but i had to do it! All the fangirls can be happy now:)**

Bruce: You all just hate me. Don't you. DON'T YOU! *wail*

Harvey: Yes. Passionately.

Joker: Did someone say _passion?_ *slaps cowboy hat on Bruce and himself* I love you, Jack Twist! *tackles Bruce*

Bruce: Agh! *is tackled* HELP ME!

Joker: *pouts* No, my name is Ennis Del Mar.

Bruce: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GEORGE WASHINGTON! GET OFF MEH!

Joker: But we're in looooooove, Jackypoo! *waggles eyebrows*

Bruce: *gag*

Hailey: Bruce, don't make me bring back God!

Bruce: Fine, fine! Oh, Ennis, I love you so much, but we can't be together, only we can know this, I wish I knew how to quit you… blah blah blah and we're DONE! *throws Joker off himself*

Hailey: Oh, and about that "breaking up" thing. This dare was probably left before we were married… so it doesn't say "divorce". Joker?

Joker: Hm?

Hailey: I'm breaking up with you, but we're still married.

Joker: *shrug* Okay, whatever!

Rachel: Why does everyone always want ME to choose?! Why can't they just have an Epic Battle for my heart or something?!

Hailey: Great idea! :D *poofs Epic Battle Wrestling Ring into room* Gentlemen, take the ring!

Bruce, Harvey, & Joker: *enter ring, wearing extremely tight wrestling costumes*

Hailey: Ready? Set? FIGHT!!! 8D

Bruce: *launches self at Harvey* DIEEEE!!

Harvey: *kicks Bruce between legs, and starts flailing arms in a slap-fight*

Bruce: *squeaks painfully* You're LOW. *yanks out lock of Harvey's new hair*

Harvey: *shrieks* YOU ARE IN FOR IT NOW, YOU FLYING RODENT!

*fierce, sissy battle ensues*

Joker: *sits off to the side, clapping and watching the battle*

Gordon: Joker, aren't you supposed to be fighting?

Joker: *cackle* Are you kidding? And risk winning _her? _*points at Rachel, who's picking her nose*

Gordon: …I guess I can understand that.

Bruce & Harvey: *collapse in exhaustion*

Harvey: I give up! You take her!

Bruce: Are you kidding? I can't even walk! _You_ take her!

Harvey: NO! I don't want her!! D:

Bruce: Well neither do I!

*Bruce and Harvey stare at Joker*

Joker: *slams head against hand* Damn it! I won her, didn't I?

Rachel: *horrified* ANYONE BUT THE JOKER! D:

Hailey: Yea. Seriously. He's married to me. Which tends to mean "UNAVAILIBLE".

Joker: *rolls eyes* Then the lucky winner is…. *closes eyes and spins around in circles, slowly coming to a stop and opening eyes* CRANE!

Crane: Who… me?

Rachel: Oh thank GOD! *hugs Crane* I thought I was going to get someone OLD.

Crane: *cringe* Can we get on with the dares?

Hailey: Sure thing! Gordy, read!

Gordon: The following dares are courtesy of **sound-ninja-2008.**

**1. Harvey must romantically French kiss and hug me for 3 minutes.**

**2. Bruce and Gordon must dress in bikinis and sing "My Humps".**

**3. Alfred must hi-five me in "Classic-in-the-air-freeze-frame-style".**

**4. The Joker and Hailey must get married.**

**5. Right after Harvey's done kissing me, Crane must do the same with me for 3 minutes.**

**MY INSANITY WILL NOT BE IGNORED!**

**~Helen**

Hailey: o.0 Believe me, Helen, your insanity is anything but ignored.

Harvey: FINALLY! Someone LOVES ME! 8D *sweep Helen up into fiercely passionate French kiss*

Rachel: …How come he never kissed me like that?

Crane: One word, beautiful. Desperation.

Bruce & Gordon: *burst out of nowhere, wearing thong bikinis, and stuffed tops* MY HUMPS! MY HUMPS! MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS! 8D

Hailey: *smacks hands over eyes* MY EYYYYEEESSSS!!!

Harvey: *dances* I LOVE this song!

Rachel: *gasp* BRUCE! Is that my new BATHING SUIT?!

Bruce: *stops singing* U-um… m-maybe..?

Rachel: BRUCE. *murderous growl*

Bruce: HIDE ME, Gordon!!! *shrieks like a sissy and jumps into Gordon's arms*

Gordon: *takes one look at Rachel* Sorry, Wayne, you're on your own! *drops Bruce*

Rachel: I. Am. Going. To. KILL YOU!! *attacks Bruce*

---------- Meanwhile ----------

**sound-ninja-2008**: Yo, Alfred! :D

Alfed: Yo…? Is that word meant to be insulting…?

Hailey: No, it's slang for greeting someone in a "cool" fashion.

Alfred: *confused stare*

Hailey: *sigh* Forget it.

**sound-ninja-2008**: Put 'em here, Alfie! *throws up hand*

Alfred: 8D *jumps into air joyously with Helen, freezing in corny high-five pose*

Fox: *snaps photo, then Alfred and Helen unfreeze* Here you go, Miss Helen! *hands photo of her and Alfred*

**sound-ninja-2008**: YAAAAAAAYYY!!! *runs off into distance*

Joker: Ya know, I'd love to get married again and everythin', but that's what got us stuck here in the first place….

Hailey: Soooo… *poofs **sound-ninja-2008 **back, and shoves her into Crane's arms* Have at it!

**sound-ninja-2008**: *tackles Crane*

Crane: Mmpphhff!! *is tackled, and makes out with Helen for a few minutes before stopping* …You taste like Harvey. *grimace*

Harvey: And how would you know how I taste like?! D8

Crane: ….No reason. *shifty eyes*

Hailey: Next dare!! Rachel, you read!!

Rachel: Sure thing. These dares are from **Halfmoonglasses**!

**Hi!**

**(First of all I wanted to tell you...: I love you! *hugs Hailey* sorry, know you re not the "huggy" type but I totally had to! *grins*). Love your story and your ideas, especially the Carecrow part, one of my favourites! **

**So, enough praise and on to my dares:**

**1 I dare Jim Gordon to kiss...me! Yes! With passion please! **

***jumps happily up and down* He s just soo cute! (and no I am not his age, just 23 ^^).**

**2 I dare Mr J to fight against his older version! No rules! Mhm...who would win? **

**3 I dare Brucey to become all American Psycho and murder...whoever he wants...(you know this scene with him all naked with the chainsaw?) *hehe* *grins evilly***

**Bye **

**Halfmoon**

Hailey: I feel so loved! :D *hugs back* Oh, and I'm fine with hugs. It all depends on the person. ^_^

Gordon: *stares at 23-year-old **Halfmoonglasses*** Y-_YOU_ wanna kiss _me?_

**Halfmoonglasses**: Hell ya! ;D *kisses Gordon*

Gordon: *continues kiss, getting a little more into it than necessary*

Rachel: *slap* CONTROL yourself, man!

Gordon: *blushes dark red* …Don't tell my wife.

((I'm just going with the animated series Mark Hamill version for this))

Mark Hamill Joker: *waltzes in* Why helloooo! What _have _we here? This looks like _loads _of fun, eh Bats? Allow me to explain my devious plan to cause havoc in Gotham…. *begins to ramble, with various over-exaggerated hand movements*

Joker: *sighs in boredom, and shoots Mark Hamill Joker*

Hailey: D8 I thought you did use guns!

Joker: I don't. But that guy was damn ANNOYING. And what REAL criminal tells everyone his evil plans?!

Mark Hamill Joker: *croaks feebly* Good point…

Bruce: *strips down naked and grabs chainsaw* HAHAHEHEHEEHOOHOOHAHEHHOHEEEHOOHAAAAAA!!!! AT LAST!! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!! *chainsaws both Joker's to death, laughing hysterically*

Hailey: O_O Y-you….

Bruce: *cackles, waving chainsaw* YESSSS!!! I KILLED THE JOKERRR!!!!

Hailey: *rage* You… KILLED THE JOKER! *screams furiously and attacks Bruce*

Bruce: Wai--! NO!! *tries to flail chainsaw at Hailey, fails, then dies*

Hailey: *dusts off hands* As we were saying… next dare? Joker?

Joker: *magically revived* Okie dokie! These marvelous dares are thanks to**sugarhype**!

**AWESOME! I love this all! Here's another set of dares courtesy of SUGARHYPE!**

**I dare Joker to compose a song and perform it live infront of screaming fans!**

**I dare Bruce to wear a penguin suit and serve tea while wearing rollerskates!**

**I dare Harvey to stuff snow down everyone's pants!**

**I dare everyone to get into the snowball fight of the century!**

**And finnally, I dare Everyone to go watch "Titanic" and see who cries!**

**Lots of love! –SH**

Joker: Compose a song, you say? Well, that can't be _too_ hard. *grabs pencil and paper* And here we GO! *begins to scribble furiously*

Fox: Well this ought to be interesting….

---------- 3 Hours Later ----------

Rachel: Joker, ARE YOU DONE YET?!

Joker: *ignores her, and continues to scribble*

Harvey: *peaks over Joker's shoulder* Hey! You're not even WRITING anything! These are just scribbles of everyone!! D: *snatches paper and shows everyone paper, which shows Bruce flying into walls, Rachel falling off a building, Harvey ripping his hair out, Crane curled up on the floor in fetal position, Alfred choking on a pastry, Fox becoming a runway star, Gordon getting dragged off to jail, Hailey covered in spiders, and the Joker as King of the World*

Everyone: O.0

Joker: Psh, you people are so serious. Lucky for you, I have a song already written! *whips out paper* I wrote this when I was five! :D

Hailey: *face palm* Just get up on the stage and sing, already!

*Giant concert stage appears out of nowhere, and Joker fans across the nation magically appear and crowd around stage*

Joker: Lights! *points to nowhere in particular, and lights turn off*

Everyone: *waits expectantly*

*multicolored lights sudden start flashing blindingly, and heavy-metal brain-numbing chaos erupts from huge speakers*

Joker: *screams into microphone* BLOOD!! BLOOOOOOOOD!!! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!! *jumps up and down, still screaming*

Everyone: *ears bleed*

Joker fangirls: OOOOHHHHHH MMMAAAAAAA' GGGAAAWWWWDDDD!!!!! HHHEEEE'SSS SSSSOOOO HHHHAAAWWWTTT!!!!! 8DDDD *scream fangirlishly*

Bruce: *bursts into crowd of Joker fangirls, wearing penguin suit, rollerskates, and earplugs* TEA, ANYONE?

*fangirls freeze in mid-scream, music dies, and all lights go off but for single spotlight focused on Bruce*

Joker fangirl: …Let's eat 'im.

Bruce: D8

Joker fangirls: AAATTTTTAAACCCKKKK!!!! *angry mob tackles Bruce, who tries (and fails) to flee on rollerskates, and begins to dorwn him in his own tea*

Harvey: *stuffs snow down Bruce's pants while he's being attacked* Sweet REEEEVENGE!!! *cackles as Joker-girls start throwing snowballs at Bruce, and then each other*

Joker: *calmly slaps Harvey* Dude, crazy is _my_ thing, stick to your pretty-boy wimp thing.

Hailey: *hits Joker in face with snowball* Scoooore!!

Joker: *giggle* Oh ho _ho_, you chose the wrong clown to pick a snowball fight with! *cackles and showers Hailey in avalanche of snowballs*

Alfred: *tries to deflect snowballs with serving tray* I DARE SAY THAT IS **QUITE** ENOUGH!!!!!

*everyone freezes and stares at Alfred*

Alfred: *ahem* …As we were saying. *holds up HD DVD of Titanic* Time for movies! :D

Rachel: *snatches DVD and runs to giant IMAX screen magically poofed into the place the concert stage used to be* Okay people, here are the rules! You talk: you die. Your cell phone goes off: you die. You scream like a fangirl: you die. You ruin the end for everyone else: you die _slowly_. ARE WE CLEAR?

Everyone: *salutes* Ma'am, yes ma'am!

Rachel: At ease, soldiers. Now, onward with the movie!

Hailey: *presses play*

---------- Movie passes without much interruption ----------

Rachel: *sniffs* Beautiful…

Crane: *clutches Rachel, body shaking with sobs* THE TRAGEDY! It's crushing my SOUL! *cries into Rachel's shoulder*

Harvey: *scowls* That guy is _sooo_ not as hot as me….

Gordon: *pats Bruce's back as Bruce cries into Alfred's shirt*

Joker: *rolls on floor laughing* D-don't-t l-l-let g-go, R-Rose! *laughs so hard he can't breath*

Hailey: *sob* Don't worry, I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK! *tackles/hugs/clings-to Joker*

Joker: Don't call me that, you know that's not my name!

Hailey: Just don't be an idiot and go and drown yourself one day, okay?!

Joker: Deal. Oh, and look, only seven fangirls died during the movie!

Fox: Why did they die?!

Joker: They broke "the rules". *points at Rachel, who is busy throwing bodies of the victims into furnace*

Fox: o.0

Haile: Next dare! :D *points at Gordon* You read!

Gordon: These dares are from **CaptainJacky24**!

**Sorry it's been so long guys. But I got a load of dares for you.**

**Bruce and harvey have to fight Rachel in a lion's suit gladiator style while hailey and me feed joker grapes like Julius Ceaser**

**Crane had to annoy Alfred and Fox by singing the wheels on the bus and after that la cucharacha in a little sombrero while Fox and Alfred sing the llama song**

**Crane has to be locked in a butterfly house with a million butterflies and Bruce has to chase him in a butterfly suit**

**Rachel has to poke Harvey in the unlidded eye and burn the other wig he bought.**

**Bruce haas to run over that stupid squirrel, get the coin, remake it into a Joker coin again, and give it back to Hailey after he sanitizes it. That'll teach you to mess with my dares!**

Hailey: 8D Let's do the last dare first! Go, Bruce, go! *shoves Bruce into large utility vehicle, and poofs squirrel back into room*

Bruce: *reluctantly taps gas pedal with foot and begins to inch forward*

Gordon: *rolls eyes and flicks Bruce's ear, causing Bruce to jump and slam on gas pedal, running over the squirrel*

Hailey: *hoots with laughter* DIE, you stupid Joker-coin-stealing squirrel!! *jumps up and down on squashed squirrel*

Bruce: *holds nose and picks up squirrel between finger and thumb, then removes metal acorn from squirrel's smashed remains* Ick… *shoves acorn in smelter and remakes Joker Coin* Here you go Hai—

Hailey: *snatches coin* My precioussss…. *strokes coin and looks suspiciously at everyone with shifty eyes before continuing to stare at coin* Yesss… yesss, my precioussss… Hailey has you now, yes she doessss…

Bruce: o.0 That is creepy… on so many levels.

Joker: Now, on to more important matters. *lays luxuriously on lounge-bed* Like _where _are my grapes-serving slaves?!

*CaptainJacky24 and Hailey dress in purple and green sexy slave outfits and begin to feed Joker purple and green grapes*

*Bruce & Harvey put on gladiator helmets, and enter huge gladiator ring*

Rachel: *runs into ring, wearing lion's head* ROOOOAAAAR!!!

Harvey: *covers eyes* It's HIDEOUS!! D:

Bruce: *wails like school-girl and runs for life as Rachel chases him, roaring*

Alfred: *smacks palm against forehead and shakes head* I'm a complete failure as a guardian….

Harvey: DIE, YOU BEAST! *lunges at Rachel with spear*

Rachel: *is stabbed by spear in slow motion* NoooOOOOOOO

Bruce & Harvey: *high five each other and parade around stadium, skipping arm-in-arm and throwing kisses to imaginary crowd*

Joker: Boooo!! That's no fun! *motions lazily to grape-serving slaves* Release the dogs!

*huge guard dogs are released into ring*

Harvey & Bruce: D8 *eaten by dogs*

Crane: *squeezes in between Alfred and Fox, who are sitting in stands* Theeeeee…… WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND! ROUND AND ROUND! ROUND AND ROUND! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND! ALL THROUGH THE TOOOOWN!!!

Fox: *claps hands over ears and tries to shout over noise* MR. ALFRED! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE LLAMA SONG IS?

Alfred: *hands over ears* WHAT?

Fox: *hands still over ears too* WHAT?

Crane: AAAAAALL THROOOOUUUUGH THEEEE TOOOOOWN!!! :D *finishes song*

Fox & Alfred: Ahhh… *sigh with relief and take hands off ears*

Crane: LA CUCHARACHA! LA CUCHARACHAAAAA!!!

Alfred: *shrieks and slaps hands back on to ears*

Fox: *hands over ears* I THINK I CAN FEEL MY BRAIN FRYING!

Alfred: *drags Crane, who continues singing, into butterfly conservatory room, and locks him in*

Crane: *stops singing in mid-song* N-n-no…. NO! *throws self against locked door as butterflies swarm around him* Saaave meeeee!!!

Bruce: *bursts through door wearing butterfly suit, sending Crane flying* Mwa ha ha HA!

Crane: *scrambles away* Stay back, foul MONSTER. *wields stick*

Bruce: O.O

Crane: AY AY AY AY AYYY!! *attack Bruce with stick* DIE!

Bruce: Agh! *is beaten to a pulp by Crane*

Rachel: *randomly pokes Harvey in the eye (really hard)*

Harvey: OW! *covers eye* That wasn't a poke, that was a stab! *clutches hair* …And please don't burn my hair. It isn't even a wig!

Hailey: *folds arms grouchily* Fine, we won't burn your hair. THIS TIME. Now, on with more dares! Read, Bruce!

Bruce: This dare is from **HellHathNoFury**!

**Hey, fantastic story, great idea! It's hilarious! Hehe**

**Hmm, I dare the Joker to go visit Detective Stephens and apologize sincerely for murdering six of his fellow police friends. Then go to their graves and pay respect. Don't forget the flowers :) **

**I also dare all characters to donate blood, it's going towards a good cause right?**

Joker: Did I always feel kinda bad for the poor guy….

Bruce: No you didn't.

Joker: *giggle* You're right! It was hilarious! SIX PEOPLE! That's a record! 8D

Detective Stephens: *knocks on cell door, peering into darkness* …Hello?

Joker: *jumps out of darkness, pressing against bars* HOLA AMIGO. ;D

Stephens: *screams like a schoolgirl*

Joker: Good ta' see ya too! *pauses* Ireallyamsorryforkillingallyourfriendspleaseforgiveme! *takes big gulp of air* THERE. I SAID IT. *covers face* I FEEL HORRIBLE, ALRIGHT?! I ADMIT IT! FORGIVE MEEEEE!!! *clutches Stephens shirt through bars*

Stephens: *shocked* You feel… guilty?!

Joker: *sobs and nods*

Stephens: W-well… t-then I guess I… forgive y-you?

Joker: *cheers up immediately* Gee, thanks! Now, let's go pay some respects!

Hailey: *poofs everyone to Gotham Cemetery* Got the flowers, Alfred?

Alfred: *hands Joker beautiful white roses* These are from my prized rose-bush, back at the new Wayne Manor garden. They hold the state rose title! :D *puffs up proudly*

Joker: *looks at roses* Aw, that's a shame.

Alfred: …Why?

Joker: *eats roses*

Alfred: D8 MISS HAILEY! MAKE HIM STOP!

Hailey: *smacks Joker* What did I tell you?! NO EATING FLOWERS.

Joker: *groans and spits out mangled flower petals* Fine! *angrily throws flowers on graves, then jumps up and down on them* HERE'S YOUR DAMN FLOWERS!

Gordon: *drags Joker away by ear* That's it. Back to Arkham with you!

Joker: *whines* But Gooordyyyy….

Gordon: Don't you "but Gordy" me! If you're not back in your cell by the time I count to three, you are _grounded_ young man!

*everyone is poofed back to cell*

Harvey: *puts on nurses outfit* Time to donate blood everyone! *holds up needle*

Joker: D8 YOU STOLE MY NURSE DRESS!

Harvey: *sneers* It fits me better anyway.

Rachel: Am I the only girl here that finds men wearing dresses a little bit disturbing?

Hailey: …Yes. *blush*

Rachel: e.O I hate you and your freakishness.

Hailey: Well you're dead. SO I DON'T CARE. *stabs Rachel with needle* NOW DONATE BLOOD!

Rachel: *shrieks as needle pierces skin* Is it too much to WARN me before proceeding to stab me with a sharp object?!

Joker: Yes. Normally, when I tell people I'm going to stab them, they get all squirmy and try to run. It's quite annoying.

Rachel: *gets woozy as blood continues to drain* I… I think your taking too much Hailey….

Hailey: *giggles* Nope, not yet.

Rachel: *can't keep eyes open* N-no! Real-… really Hailey…. I think I'm gonna… gonna…. *goes unconscious*

Hailey: Faint? *grins and takes out needle* Okay, I think that's enough! And good news, Rachel donated so much blood, nobody else has to donate any! And she's most likely going to die! :D

Bruce: D: No! Don't let her die! Do your poofy save-the-day thing!

Hailey: I would… *yawns* But I don't feel like it. Next dare! Read Alfred!

Alfred: Right away! These dares are by**BrokenHeartAlchemist**!

**Oh the fun im gonna have with this *psychotic grin***

**1. BATMAN has to sing a duet with the Joker to the song Bestfriends by Toybox, Batman being the girl (love ya to death batsy but the picture in my mind for this just rocks XD)**

**2. Harvey, Bruce, and Mr. J have to have a group orgy! ^^ not that i like those pairings or anything... i just wanna torture you guys ^^**

**3. Rachel has to get married to Bruce while Harvey looks on helplessly**

**4. ALL the guys, except Fox, Alfred, and Gordon, have to run around the entire city of Gotham naked while the Venga Boys song We Like To Party plays in the background**

**5. Fox has to inject Hailey with something that will make her COMPLETELY forget about the Joker and how much she loved him**

Hailey: Wait… what was that last one?

Alfred: N-nothing important! We'll get back to it later, Miss Hailey.

Hailey: Oookay… well, cue music then! :D

*Bestfriend by Toybox plays*

.com/watch?v=BAfu2MBYEew (send me a PM if any of my links don't work, because I don't know if I have to put spaces in or not)

Joker: *rides around in car with Harvey, looking at Harvey's fake-boobs*

Bruce: *blasts Harvey with bomb while singing* Tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy! ;D

Joker: *ignores Bruce and dances with girl-Crane and girl-Gordon*

Bruce: *shoots Crane and Gordon* You should get a best friend tooo~!

Joker & Bruce: *random get turned into fuzz-balls, fuzzball-Joker grabs fuzzball-Bruce's butt, and Bruce slaps Joker*

Hailey: *turns Joker and Bruce back to normal* That was… weird.

Rachel: Define weird? Because somehow I think you're definition is different from mine—

Hailey: Whatever. *shoves ragged wedding dress on Rachel's head* Now go marry Batsy!

Harvey: Whoa whoa whoa! I thought we'd settled this! She wanted to marry ME!

Hailey: Is that what the reviewer wants?

Harvey: No, but they can't do tha—

Hailey: IF THE REIVEWER WANTS IT, YOU DO IT! GOT THAT BUDDY?!

Harvey: *squeaks and hides behind Fox* Yes!

Bruce: *looks up at heavens* THANK YOU BROKENHEART! :D

Rachel: *rolls eyes* Whatever Bruce, you and Harvey can deny it, but I know you two have "something going on" anyway.

Bruce & Harvey: *horrified* What?!?

Rachel: Oh, don't lie to me; I know what's going on between you two!

Bruce: *stares at Harvey and mouths* SHE KNOWS?!

Harvey: *stares at Bruce and mouths back* DID YOU TELL HER?!

Bruce: *mouths to Harvey again* NO!

Harvey: *clears throat* W-we can explain.

Hailey: *watches the drama unfold* Wait a moment. You two are a COUPLE?

Bruce: *gags* GOD NO! What would make you think that?!

Harvey: *throws up* WHAT KIND OF A SICKO ARE YOU!?

Hailey: B-but, then what's with the secret "thing"?

Bruce: *blushes* …We're… the presidents of the Scarecrow Lovers Anonymous fangroup.

Crane: *eyes nearly pop out of skull*

Everyone else: *stares in shock*

Harvey & Bruce: We can't help it! We love him!!! *both drop to knees and clutch Crane's legs*

Bruce: Spray me with your LOOOOVE Toxin, doctor! ;D

Crane: *tries to run in horror, but Bruce and Harvey are clinging to both of his legs* HAILEY! DO SOMETHING! D8

Hailey: *tries to stifle giggles* I would Crane… but I can't! I can teleport people and bring them back to life and stuff, but I can't change who they are!

Crane: Then figure out how to!!!

Joker: Aw, c'mon Carecrow, they're just innocent fans!

*Harvey and Bruce look up at Crane with large, innocent eyes to prove Joker's point*

Crane: *scowls* I'm going to spray you both with highly concentrated Fear Toxin the moment I get my hands on some….

Joker: *manages to recover from laughing fit* That's a dandy idea, but for now…. *strip off clothes* Time to mentally scar all of Gotham! 8D

Harvey & Bruce: *eyes light up, and both turn to stare at Crane expectantly*

Crane: *rubs temples* I am NOT stripping for you two….

Harvey: Fine, we'll help you! *reaches for Crane*

Crane: *slaps Harvey* EWWW! Hailey! WHERE'S MY DAMN FEAR TOXIN?

Hailey: I'll get on it in a moment! Now, what's that last dare?

Fox: *holds up needle of bright green liquid* Hailey…. I'm sorry we have to do this to you….

Hailey: O.O

Fox: *lunges at Hailey with needle* It will only hurt for a moment!

Hailey: *flails and jumps out of the way, so needle accidentally stabs into Bruce's leg*

Bruce: Ow! D: IT BUUUURNS. *suddenly faints*

Fox: *mumbles to self* Good thing I got an extra vial… *whips out extra vial and dives at Hailey*

Hailey: NOOOOOO *throws self out of way, and needle again misses and sticks into Harvey's side*

Harvey: AAAAAHHHH!!! *suddenly faints*

Hailey: You tried to KILL me Fox!!

Fox: No no! It's a forgetting drug designed by Mister Crane! It makes you forget who love most!

Bruce: *wakes up* …Where am I? *sees Crane standing over him* And who are you..?

Crane: You don't know who I am?! :D

Harvey: *comes to consciousness* Ugh, my head hurts. Hey, who's the dude with the glasses? I don't remember a dare about him….

Crane: THEY DON'T REMEMBER! THANK YOU FOX FOR YOUR EXTREMELY BAD NEEDLE-STABBING SKILLS! *hugs Fox*

Hailey: *hugs Joker* That was scary, I almost forgot you!

Joker: *pats head* That would have been disappointing, you're the best person at causing havoc since Harley!

Hailey: *stares daggers* Harley, you say? Do I need to take care of her..?

Joker: *giggles* Maybe later, her voice is as annoying as hell. Next dare?

Hailey: Next dare! You can read, Joker!

Joker: These dares are by **Peebles96**!

**Love the story, especially when they're all in the heels. anyway here are my dares:**

**1- if you have heard of Nigahiga and Yank dat cameltoe on youtube, please do this dare, if you haven't, it's fine to skip the dare: if you have heard of it, I dare Crane and Alfred to do the dance!**

**2- I dare everyone except the old guys to go to a roller disco, and have Crane teach them how to roller-boogie!**

**3- If you have heard of youtube's Jizz in my pants, then please do this dare, if you haven't, skip it - I dare Bruce and Joker to sing it, with Rachel and Hailey as the girls in the video.**

**4- if you have heard of Youtube's lazy sunday, please do this dare, if you haven't, skip it - have Gordon and Crane sing it, including all the rapping!**

**5- And my final dare, I dare Fox to get Dent pregnant - it's possible, believe, men have been doing it for years - and then once the baby is born, have Bruce rate it if's really fugly and if it is, ther Joker is allowed to do whatever he wants with it - if it is ugly, Gordon has to do something terrible to it!**

**I love your story, kisses,**

**Peebles**

((A/N: I don't watch much Youtube, especially since I started this fanfic and started slaving away [happily] for all my reviewers. The only one mentioned here that I HAVE seen is Jizz In My Pants. ROFL. XDDD))

*everyone straps on roller skates*

Crane: Time to roller-boogie!! 8D *spins around in circles on roller skates* Y'know, before I became the Scarecrow, I won the Olympic Medal for Best Roller Boogie. ;D

Rachel: o.O Does a roller boogie medal even exis—

Crane: *grabs Rachel by shirt collar* YES. IT DOES. NOW SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION.

Rachel: *squeak* Yes sir!

Crane: *suddenly happy again* Now, it's really easy once you get the hang of it! Everyone knows how to disco, right? You just do that, and add a little more hip to it— *Crane discos around rink in extremely feminine way as a demonstration* And don't fall!! Easy as that! :D

Joker: Okay, if you say so! *tries to roller boogie, and flails helplessly before crashing on top of Crane* OOF! *giggles*

Crane: *squashed under Joker, with muffled voice* Goo' wy?

Joker: *lifts arm off Crane's face* What's that?

Crane: *takes deep breath* I said, "good try", but now that I think about it, that was a HORRIBLE try! Is there anyone who has an even remote sense of balance here?!

*Bruce, Harvey, Hailey, and Rachel all flailing around on roller skates, crashing into walls, the floor, and each other*

Crane: *slaps hand to forehead dramatically* You people disgust me! Let's move on, shall we?

*Jizz In My Pants music begins in background, and room becomes club*

Joker: *sings in sexy voice* Lock eyes from across the room—

Hailey: *busy threatening Harvey with broken wine glass handle*

Joker: AHEM! *says throat loudly* LOCK EYES FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.

Hailey: O-oh! *pushes Harvey out of shot and gives Joker sultry gaze*

Joker: *rolls eyes and downs drink* Down my drink while the rhythms boom—Take your hand and skip the names— *grabs Hailey's hand and forcefully drags her away from bartender she's flirting with*

No need here for the silly games,

Make our way through the smoke and crowd,

The club is the sky and I'm on your cloud,

Move in close as the lasers fly,

Our bodies touch and the angels cry—

*scene changes to outside hotel room*

Joker: *tries to look sexy, leaning against Hailey who's practically choking on his bad breath* Leave this place go back to yours—

Our lips first touch outside your doors,

a whole night what we've got in store,

whisper in my ear that you—

Hailey: *whispers between gags* Want *cough cough* some more!

Joker: *jumps up* And I JIZZ IN MY PANTS! D: *goes gross little pott-dance* This really never happens you can take my word

I won't apoligize, that's just absurd!

Mainly your fault from the way that you dance

and now I—

JIZZ IN MY PANTS!

Hailey: *backs away, disgusted, and looks around nervously*

Joker: *threatens Hailey with knife* Don't tell your friends or I'll say your a slut!

Plus its your fault, you were rubbing my butt!

I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus,

…Now I'll go home and change.

*scene flashes to Bruce in grocery store*

Bruce: *busy eating an apple and forgets cue*

Manager: Did you pay for that..?

Bruce: *still chewing* …No.

Manager: Then I'm going to have to have you arrested for stealing, sir!

Bruce: OH YEA? *whips on Batman costume* I'M BATMAN. BIOTCH. *puts hands on hips*

Manager: *cowers in corner*

Rachel: AHEM! BRUCE!

Bruce: *jumps back* O-okay! Keep goin' with the music!

*music starts again*

Bruce: I need a few things from the grocery,

Do things alone now mostly.

Left me heart broken not lookin' for love,

Surprise in my eyes when I looked above!

Rachel: *flips hair back over shoulder repeatedly, like an idiot, and smiles stupidly at Bruce while loudly chewing gum*

Bruce: The check out counter and I saw a face. *grabs Rachel's hand with a pleading look* My heart stood still so did time and space!

Never felt that I could feel real again,

But the look in her eyes said I need a friend.

She turned to me, that's when she said it,

Looked me dead in the face, asked—

Rachel: *winks* Cash or credit?

Bruce: *flails and falls over counter* And I JIZZED IN MY PANTS! *flails and tries to stand normally* It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me!

But we're going to need a clean up on aisle 3

And now I'm posed in an awkward stance because I

JIZZED IN MY PAN—

Gordon: *covers ears and shrieks* IS THIS WHAT KIDS SING THESE DAYS?! D8 I can't TAKE IT anymore!! *unplugs giant plug in wall labels 'DO NOT UNPLUG'*

*all power in Gotham goes off*

Hailey: *face palm* GORDON. Ah, well, now we get to see Fox and Golden Boy have a child together! 8D

Harvey: U-um… I would, really… b-but… I'm already pregnant.

Everyone: *turns to stare at Harvey in horror*

Rachel: B-by… who?!

Harvey: *covers eyes* I DON'T REMEMBER! I remember being obsessed with this psychologist guy… can't remember his name now for some reason… and I drugged him while he wasn't looking and— *sees Crane* Hey! He looked sorta like you, stranger-I-don't-know!

Crane: O_O Is THAT why I was sore that day?! YOU SAID I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!! D8

Harvey: *blinks* What are you talking about? I never said it was you. Just some person that looks like you, who I can't remember for some reason… *scratches head* Anyway, he's already born! I gave birth to him while you guys weren't looking! :D

Alfred: That… is a very disturbing mental image, Mister Dent….

Harvey: *shrugs* Well, here he is, Wayne! *death stare* YOU BE CAREFUL WITH MY CHILD.

Bruce: *squints at innocent looking baby* Hmmm…

Crane: *peers over Bruce's shoulder and gasps* He has… my gorgeous blue eyes! *tears fill eyes and sniffles* He's beautiful!

Joker: *grabs baby from behind Bruce * HahaHAAA!! That means I get to do whatever I want!

Baby: *stares at Joker with large, frightened eyes*

Everyone: Awwww~~…. *grins at baby's cuteness*

Joker: Oh nooo you don't! I won't fall for that! *throws baby out window*

Crane & Harvey (at same time): NOOOO!!!!! *run to tiny window with outstretched, helpless arms*

Hailey: Aww, that's too bad Crane… *pats Crane's head comfortingly* SUCK IT UP AND READ THE NEXT DARE DENT. *kicks Dent in head*

Harvey: *wipes away tears and sticks out tongue at Hailey* FINE, you heartless wife-of-a-mass-murderer! These dares are from **jokerluver12089****.**

**omfg this made me laugh mega freaking hard! i must warn you, these dares are pretty bad (for rachel and joker, cus ima Jokachel fan! *evil laughter*)**

**1. I dare joker and rachel to kiss for 20 seconds, in front of bruce, harvey, and hailey. Also, no one involved with this dare can complain!**

**2. I dare Alfred to do a George Lopez impersonation**

**3.I dare bruce to BURN HIS BATMAN OUT FIT!**

**4.I dare Gordon and Fox to go clubbing!**

**5.I dare Crane to go in front of THE WHOLE WORLD and say "I AM.. THE CARECROW ND I LUV BUTTERFLIES!"**

**lol, sorry guys, i am just insane OH, and tell the Joker i am so obsessed wif him i have a life sized cut out of im in my room that i make out with!**

Rachel: *squeezes lips together in hard line*

Joker: Oh, come on, you're no fun!

Rachel: *shakes head and talks through tight lips* I'm not complaining, I'm just making it hard for you t—

Joker: *suddenly grabs Rachel while she's off guard and kisses her roughly*

Rachel: *flails for about 20 seconds before shoving away* Why do you ALWAYS do that?!

Joker: *shrugs* It's a talent. ;)

Alfred: Um… yo? *fails at George Lopez*

Bruce: *creates giant bonefire and holds batsuit over flames* Ah, it's been fun, my Batsuit, but CAT is the new BAT! *throws Batsuit into flames*

Fox: *rubs temples* When will he LEARN….

Gordon: Who cares if he ever learns?! We get to go clubbing!! ;D *drags Fox to same club used for Jizz In My Pants sequence* C'mon Fox! SHAKE IT!

Fox: *break dances on floor in dance-circle*

Gordon: Woo-hooOOO!! *pumps fist in air* Foxy's got da MOVES!

Gordon's wife: *sees Gordon* …JIM?!

Gordon: D8 OH MA' GAWD. *runs*

Gordon's wife: JIM GORDON YOU ARE GROUNDED SIR! *runs after Gordon with frying pan*

Crane: *pushes DJ off stage and grabs microphone* U-um… excuse me..? Can I have your attention—(*everyone continues to talk*) CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?!

*everyone stops talking*

Crane: I have an announcement. *clears throat and shoves on adorable chibi purple scarecrow mask* I AM THE CARECROW, I SHALL SPRAY YOU ALL WITH MY LOVE TOXIN, AND I LOVE *shudder* BUTTERFLIES!!!

*entire crowd randomly takes out tomatoes and begins to pelt Crane with them*

Crane: I just wanted to be LOVEDDD!! DX *runs*

Hailey: Aaaaanyway… these next three dares are by **XxforgetmeknotxX.**

**I love this story! Thank you for writing it!**

**dares:**

**1. Harvey must sing and dance to the ong YMCA infront of the whole town and the have a heart-to-heart conversation with the Kool Aid man.**

**2. Joker must either buy a new wig for Harvey or get him some of that hair regrowth stuff.**

**3. Everyone must drink a 2lt bottel of Coke and get a sugar high.**

((If you've seen Dane Cook: Not So Kool Aid Man, part of the following dare will make a lot more sense. XD))

Harvey: YMCA?! *shrieks happily* DAT' MA' SOOOONG YO!! Crank up dat' music!

Alfred: *presses play*

Harvey: *jumps up and down happily* YOUNG MAN! There's be need to feel down! I said, YOUNG MAN! Pick yourself off the ground! I said, YOUNG MAN! 'Cause you're in a new town! There's no NEED. TO. BE. Un-HAPPY! *keeps singing very badly*

Joker: *covers ears and groans* And I thought_ I _put people through a lot of mental pain!

Bruce: WHAT? *tries to shout over horrible singing* I CAN'T HEAR YOU! MY EARS ARE TOO BUSY BLEEDING!

Harvey: *jumps around stage* It's fun to stay at the… YYYYY MMMMM CCCCCC AAAAAA!!!! 8D It's fun to stay at the YYYYY MMMMM CCCCCC AA—

Kool Aid Man: *suddenly barrels through cell wall, knocking Harvey over* OH YEAAA!! OH YEAAA!!

Dane Cook: *magically appears in room and stares daggers at Kool Aid Man* YOU AGAIN?! No! NOT "OH YEA"! You better clean this up before my dad gets home!!

Hailey: o.O …Am I dreaming, or is Dane Cook in my Episode?

Dane Cook: *still shouting at Kool Aid Man* You're worse than the BURGER KING! C'mere so I can shatter your freakish glass body!! *lunges at Kool Aid Man*

Kool Aid Man: *runs back through wall, still dancing and shouting* OH YEA! OH YEAAA!! OH YEEEAAAAA!!!!

Dane Cook: NO! NOT "OH YEA" YOU OVERSIZED CUP OF JUICE!! *runs after Kool Aid Man into distance*

Joker: Now Harvey, I would get you some of that hair regrowth stuff… but seeing as your hair already grew back…. *grabs Harvey's head and shaves it* HOAHhaHAHaHaHahAhhAhHAHAHHhHAhAhahahahAHA!

Harvey: *sob*

Joker: *squirts hair regrowth stuff on Harvey's head* Aw, sh sh shh, suck it up ya baby.

Harvey: *hair magically becomes whole again thanks to hair cream* Hey, this stuff actually WORKS! :D *puts it in pocket for next time (because we all know there will be)*

*Nice little English trolley lady from Hogwarts train in Harry Potter pulls up to cell door* Refreshments, anyone?

Alfred: *stares with wide, love-struck eyes and can't speak*

Hailey: *looks between Trolley Lady and Alfred repeatedly* Umm… okay? Two liter bottles of Coke for all of us please! Including… *smiles wickedly* this extremely kind, attractive and _single_ butler here. ;D

Trolley Lady: *blushes sheepishly* Right away, Miss! *busies self with getting Coke bottles*

Alfred: Miss Hailey!! That is completely inappropria-- *gets cut off as trolley lady turns around again with bottles and hands them to Alfred with another blush*

Trolley Lady: Will… will that be all?

Hailey: Yep, thank you! Oh, and do come again! *waves Trolley Lady goodbye* Okay, now everyone drink up!

*everyone drains bottles*

Rachel: *shaking with energy* HmmIdon'tfeelanythingdoyoufeelanythingIdon'tfeelanythingmustnotaffectmeorsomething!

Joker: *hiccups and staggers around drunkenly* Dunno wha' yo' sayin… *hiccup*

Crane: *jumping up and down singing* Twinkle, twinkle little STAAARRRR!!!!! *giggles and falls over*

Hailey: *moves jerkily with eyes snapping around really fast* IknowIknowIknowwhatwecandohahahaHAlet'sgetoutthroughtheholeinthewalllet'sGOOOO!!! *jumps through hole Kool Aid Man left in wall*

*everyone cheers drunkenly and follows Hailey out, except for Alfred who's standing where he did when the trolley lady left, staring down the corridor after her*

Joker: Oh C'moooon Alfie! *hiccups and drags Alfred with the rest of the gang off into the sunset*

**A/N: AND SO COMPLETES EPISODE EIGHT! *dies* I know you guys can't trust me anymore when I say I promise to make episodes faster, but I really am trying. My parents set a two-hour time limit on my laptop, so I have to pace myself. DX**

**Oh, and I'm putting up another poll on my profile, one that is very important so I would appreciate it if you left an opinion.**

**And what about this kind old Trolley Lady that has caught Alfred's eye? ;D C'mon, he hardly gets any love, so I figured she would be a perfect match. If you plan on leaving more dares (WHICH I AM ALLOWING NOW, SO LEAVE UP TO THREE DARES MAXIMUM) please suggest a name for her, unless she already has one I don't know about.**

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE! 8D**


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